


Always

by Rinso



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eventual Romance, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-06
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-07 18:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 72,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1909356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinso/pseuds/Rinso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Severus Snape decided to take matters into his own hands when he learned that Voldemort was going to kill the Potters? What if his love for Lily was stronger than his fascination with the Dark Arts or his hunger for power? </p><p>Harry Potter AU, set during the end of the First Wizarding War.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

**October 30, 1981, Spinner’s End**

 

This was the worst pain he had ever suffered. And it wasn’t as if he was a man with a little experience in the matters of pain. He knew what it felt like to watch your own father backhand your mother before turning his fists on you. He knew what if felt like to feel worthless because you lacked money. He knew what if felt like to be ostracized, to be hated and humiliated. He knew what the Cruciatus Curse felt like, an agony so searing that it made people beg for death through tears and screams. He knew what it felt to know that you drove the love of your life away, straight into the arms of your most hated rival.

 

And none of it could compare to what he was feeling right now. Severus Snape sat alone in the dark and dusty living room at Spinner’s End and thought that he was just about to go insane. His head was pounding, as if a dozen trolls were hitting it with spiked clubs. He wanted to scream, to cry, to roar with anguish but his throat was so tight and constricted that he was barely able to breathe.

His hands were shaking. He drove his palms through his greasy black locks, his bony fingers twisted with tension. For far too long he had been living with the dread that every morning might be the one when he learned that it had finally happened. The Dark Lord had grown extremely restless and Severus knew it was only a matter of time now. 

 

She was going to die and there was nothing he could do about it.

 

_Why?! Why, why, why, why?!?!?!?!_ His own voice screamed inside his head. _Why did I tell him about the prophecy? My fault, all of it!_

 

Severus wanted to curl up on the creaky floor and sink straight to Hell. Such a wretched creature like him did not deserve to live. _She’s going to die and it’s my fault! My Lily… Oh, Lily… Forgive me…_

 

Dimly, like a man recalling a drunken evening, he remembered confessing his crime to Dumbledore, swearing his fealty to the old Headmaster. _Dumbledore said they are safe. Maybe…_

 

For a brief, pathetic moment his heart had the insolence to hope. But then his mind reeled back, engulfed by a sea of black desperation. _Who are you kidding, Snivellus? There is no hope. The Dark Lord is going to win. He’s going to kill Potter and his son, then he’s going to kill Dumbledore, and Black, and the Longbottoms, and Moody and the whole fucking Order. And her. Her. Lily. He’s going to kill Lily. Because you betrayed her. After all, you will be the one who really murdered her._

 

He did cry out then, like a dying animal. Tears fell down his gaunt cheeks and his chest began to tremble with sobs. _What to do, what to do? Please, oh, please, just tell me what to do!_

But then again, he knew what to do. The answer was staring at him, with the bright, green eyes of the past. It was quite simple, actually. It was his love for Lily against his fear of the Dark Lord. And in his heart, Lily would always triumph against the Dark Lord. _Alls I have to do is save her. Or die trying_.

Severus knew one thing for certain – if he failed to save her, there was no point to continue living.

 

But in this time of despair, the Half-Blood Prince wasn’t deluding himself. The Dark Lord was in a category of his own and Severus knew that he couldn’t defeat him in combat. All he would accomplish would be to die screaming. _But maybe… maybe if I do it at the right moment, I can buy her some time… To escape and hide…_

It had to be done at exactly the right time. Not too early, and not too late. It had to be exactly when the Dark Lord was going to attack… no, exactly when he was _attacking_ the Potters. But how? He didn’t even knew where they were. All he knew was that Dumbledore had promised to protect them.

 

_Are they hiding in Hogwarts? Hogsmeade?_ No, that didn’t seem likely. Staunch and indestructible it may seem, but the school was going to be invaded sooner or later, and the Headmaster wouldn’t risk the prophecy progeny to be anywhere near when that happened.

 

Severus began to pace around the house, unable to contain his anxiety. His mind was working furiously, as he mumbled brokenly to himself. A small part of him realized that he probably looked like a desperate madman.

 

Maybe they had left Britain. Merlin himself knew that was a sensible choice. A lot of wizarding families had already fled to the other side of the Atlantic, and some had even went as far as Australia and New Zealand. It was the _smart_ thing to do… _Which is why James Potter would never do it. And neither would Lily. They would stand and fight against the Dark Lord, foolish Gryffindors._

But what then… What was Severus failing to consider? Then he almost felt the pieces of the puzzle clicking into togetherness. _Of course! The Fidelius Charm! They are hiding in plain sight, invisible and undetectable!_ His mind was beginning to soar, certain that he had found the right way.

He didn’t even heard himself when he asked the question out loud, “But who is their keeper?”

Could it be Dumbledore himself? _No, too obvious_.

Someone from the Evans household? Petunia? _Lily would never endanger them, and Petunia doesn’t want anything to do with our world. No…_

Sirius Black? Surely, it had to be Sirius Black. He and Potter were closer than many brothers. Black would never hesitate to guard his best friend’s secret. And then it dawned him… _If I could come to this conclusion so quickly, so can the Dark Lord._ And that could lead to two things – either the Potters had not thought of that, which meant that Sirius Black was now in mortal danger… or that they _had_ , which meant that they must have chosen someone else, someone who wouldn’t be such an easy answer.

_But who?_ _Lupin? No, the werewolf is almost as obvious as Black. Moody? Frank Longbottom? McGonagall? Hagrid? Emmeline Vance?_ Every one of those people seemed a likely candidate, all of them brave, and trustworthy, and loyal. _My complete opposites._ And that meant that all of them were the _wrong fucking answers._

 

Snape growled with frustration. While he was sitting in Spinner’s End, playing at riddles, Lily was in peril. What was he missing? What would _he_ do, if he had to choose a secret keeper for the Fidelius Charm? _Put some random muggle under the Imperius, most likely, make him the keeper, then order him to bury the memory beneath his conscience and go back to his life until I need him._ _But it’s not how James Potter would do it._ No, it had to be someone the Potters knew. Someone they trusted, and yet someone who would be beneath the attention of the Death Eaters…

 

And, then, sudden like a spring storm, the answer came to him.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

**October 31, 1981, Diagon Alley**

 

Hallowe’en Eve was coming tonight and the autumn had turned brisk and cold. The morning had come with frost and winter chill. Severus Snape couldn’t care less, as he strode through the wynds of Diagon Alley, his black robe billowing behind him. Inside of him roared a fire of anger, terror and determination; he had no time to ponder the weather.

 

 _How hard could it be to find one man?_ he asked himself. He was supposed to be _good_ at this! Instead he was wandering aimlessly like a complete dunderhead, wasting away Lily’s precious hours. Then again, his timetable was ridiculously short. The Dark Lord wasn’t one to dally. _He could attack tonight. Or tomorrow. For all I know, he could be killing them right now…_ Nobody among the Death Eaters had mentioned something, but then again, the Dark Lord wasn’t about to give this task to just anyone. _He’s not a fool. He knows that buffoons like Mulciber or Crabbe would just as likely fail, and he wouldn’t trust the good ones with a task of such a magnitude. Lucius_ _is too self-serving, the Lestranges are insane, Rookwood is a spy in the Ministry so he won’t risk him, Dolohov was wounded when they attacked Bones’ family… No, the Dark Lord will want to do it himself, the arrogant bastard…_

 

If the task was to be given to the Death Eaters, Severus wouldn’t have been so worried. Lily could take care of herself… and as much as he hated to admit it, Potter wasn’t a weakling either; he might be the most repulsive creature to ever walk the Earth, but he knew how to fight. But no, this was a fool’s hope. Yes, the Dark Lord rarely bothered personally with the attacks, even if it was about members of the Order of the Phoenix. Edgar Bones had been a member of the Order, and an Auror to boot, and yet he and his family were murdered by a mere gang of Death Eaters.

 _But now it won’t be like this. This damned prophecy…_ He wanted to throttle himself but it was no use. _I won’t help Lily if I’m dead. The Dark Lord will kill me anyway but I must buy her a chance before that._ And to do that, he had to find _him._

 

Hours later noon was passing, and Severus was no closer to achieving his goal than he had been at dawn. He felt as if a deathly fist was beginning to slowly crush his lungs. If he failed to find him in time…

 

Then something caught the corner of his eye and he turned his head sharply to the right. He couldn’t be sure – scores of witches and wizards were swarming the streets around him like beetles – but he thought he had glimpsed a familiar head of mouse-brown hair.

Severus headed in the direction he thought he saw it, roughly elbowing the crowds out of his way. _I have no time for patience and courtesy._ He craned his neck left and right, up and down, and over his shoulder. He was almost running and skipping over the larger cobblestones. His eyes were darting in every direction, skimming over worthless people and scanning the corners suspiciously. He felt the cold touch of panic along his spine. _Where is he? I’m sure I saw him, where is he?!_

Suddenly, Severus’ eyes landed on _The Leaky Cauldron_. Could it be? He had to take a gamble. If he went to take a look inside the inn, he would lose any chance to catch him if he was still somewhere outside. But there was no time for indecisiveness.

 

He entered slowly in the inn. The first few steps before his eyes adjusted to the gloom and the smoke puffs were filled with dread. _Oh, Merlin, let him be here, please…_ Then his breath froze in his mouth.

 

Just a few feet away, Peter Pettigrew was paying old Tom for a pint of lager.

 

Severus released his breath with a hiss. Thankfully, the inn was quite full and Pettigrew didn’t hear and turn around.  Snape felt like he could, for the first time in his life, howl with laughter and mirth. _Merlin, is this how hope tastes? So, so sweet…_

He hastily composed himself and retreated into a corner where he could watch Pettigrew but not risk being seen by the vermin himself.  The small man downed his beer quickly and asked for another with a tremulous voice. _Good, the more drunk he is, the easier it will be._ Severus was still aware that time was terribly short, but he thought it would be more prudent to wait until Pettigrew left the inn. It would not do to attract attention.

 

As Pettigrew drank another pint, Snape managed to come with a plan that was sure to work. He mercilessly probed it for holes, as he waited his disgusting ex-schoolmate to finish drinking. _I must be prepared for every possibility, for every chance of failure._ Failure was not an option, not anymore. Lily’s life was in his hands. _I wonder how would she feel right now if she knew that?_ He remembered that accursed day when their friendship had ended. _She’d be appalled, most like. As is her right, I betrayed her._ He wondered what she’d say if she found out that it was _Sev_ who told the Dark Lord about the prophecy that now threatened her baby. Suddenly, he felt so filthy that he wanted to scream.

 

Two beers later, the afternoon winds were screeching outside _The Leaky Cauldron_. Finally, Peter Pettigrew decided he’s had enough to drink and stumbled towards the exit. He walked right past Severus and didn’t notice him at all, the small, vermin-like eyes focused dead ahead. Severus was ready. He had long ago pulled out his wand and held it prepared on his knees.

“ _Silencio,_ ” he muttered softly. The spell hit Pettigrew and he didn’t notice a thing. He fumbled to open the door. Snape was right behind him.

 

The coldness of the last day of October washed in both their faces, clearing Snape's mind. Peter Pettigrew stretched his stiff back and was about to walk away when a cool hand with long fingers clamped around his shoulder. He tried to curse as he turned his head around to see who the intruder was, but no sound came from his mouth. Then his beady eyes met Snape’s black ones.

 

All the color disappeared from Pettigrew’s face.

“Hello, Peter,” Severus drawled. “Long time no see.”

Snape hugged him with one arm, as if they were old friends. None of the wizards and witches around paid them any mind – after all, people stumbled like this all the time from the inn.

Then Snape disapparated them away.

 

With a _crack!_ , the two men appeared in the small living room at Spinner’s End. In the same moment they did, Severus released the small man who stumbled away and opened his mouth in a silent scream. _I have no time for this_. He pointed his wand at Peter.

“ _Imperio,_ ” he said and Pettigrew suddenly stood still, as if he had been replaced by a wax replica of himself. With a flick of his black wand, Snape removed the effect of the Silencing Charm.

Severus eyed the immobile Pettigrew. “I will ask you some questions and you will answer them. You will tell me the absolute truth. You will obey all my commands. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Pettigrew’s voice was devoid of his usual mouse-like chirruping, sounding completely hollow.

“Is your name Remus Lupin?”

“No.”

“Is your name Peter Pettigrew?”

“Yes.”

Severus nodded with his head towards the ancient sofa near the window.

“Go sit on the sofa.” Pettigrew obediently headed that way, but froze in place when Snape said, “Wait. Sit on the floor.” He obeyed. Severus was pleased. Not that he doubted that the Imperius Curse would do the trick, but he had to be sure. Veritaserum would have worked just as well, but he had no time to brew or go shopping. The Imperius would have to be enough.

Snape decided to dive straight ahead. The wretch was completely under his control and time was short. _Lily, remember Lily, what does the law mean when her life is in danger? Nothing!_ Not that Severus cared much about using the Unforgivable Curse. _I won’t live to be imprisoned in Azkaban either way._  He took a deep breath.

“Are you the secret keeper for the Fidelius Charm the Potters use to hide from the Dark Lord?”

“Yes.” The answer came without any hesitation. Snape hissed with relief. Even now, even in these horrible times, his intellect had saved him!

“Where are they?”

“Godric’s Hollow, in a cottage near the river.”

Severus glanced to the window. The afternoon was waning away, soon to be replaced by the evening of Hallowe’en. _Godric’s Hollow… Good, I could probably arrive there before midnight_.

Severus was just about to tell Pettigrew to leave and forget about their conversation, when a thought occurred to him. The man was a vermin, and during all their years together at Hogwarts, Severus held a special place of loathing in his heart for him – the weak coward who could never compare to him, but who would be brave enough to snicker at Snape’s humiliation as long as he stood behind Potter and Black. Suddenly, Severus thought that Peter Pettigrew was a terrible choice for a secret keeper. _No, the whole idea hinges on the fact that everyone knows just how pathetic he is, including the Death Eaters._ Still, it wouldn’t hurt to be sure…

“Does anyone else know about their location?”

“Yes.”

Severus’ heart sunk. He tried to speak, but no sound came from his mouth. “W-who?” he finally managed to croak.

“You-Know-Who,” the calm voice the Imperiused man made the phrase even more horrifying.

“You betrayed them…”

Snape had not meant this to be a question, but Pettigrew answered all the same, “Yes.”

“ _When?_ ”

“This morning.”

 _So that’s why he was trying to drown himself in beer?_ Never in his life had Severus wanted more to hit a person with the Cruciatus. By Merlin, he was going to make the little rat scream… _No! There is no time! Think of Lily! For God’s sake, forget revenge and think of her, you moron!_ Besides, there was _something_ that Snape could do to make sure that Pettigrew got what he deserved.

He composed himself and with a voice that was cold as ice said, “You will go to Hogwarts tonight. You will ask to speak with Albus Dumbledore. If he asks why, tell him I sent you. Then you will extract your memories from today and will ask him to see them with you in his pensive. Then you will wait patiently for him to decide what to do with you. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“Go, I don’t want to look at you anymore.”

Silently, Peter Pettigrew stood up and walked away. He never saw Severus crumbling down on the floor with a cry of utter desolation and horror.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

**October 31, 1981, Godric’s Hollow**

 

He had arrived too late. He knew it.

 

Severus had never been in Godrc’s Hollow and had lost some precious time until he found it. Once there, he went straight to the cottage that Pettigrew had described. Or at least he tried. All the houses in the blasted village had looked alike, sleeping in the cold night. He lost more minutes while he scrambled through to find the river.

 

When he finally found it, his heart felt like the Dark Lord himself poured hot tar over it. The door of Potter’s cottage hanged open, its hinges broken by a curse. Severus hesitated for a fraction of the second, then ran inside. The darkness engulfed him.

 

As his eyes adjusted, Severus saw a staircase leading up. The moonlight was seeping from an open window, bathing the house in a cold glow. It looked like a storm had flown inside. Chairs were flipped, a lamp lay broken on the floor. The glass crunched beneath Snape’s boots as he headed to the stairs and then he saw something lying prone on the steps. _Not something. Someone._

 

James Potter had died trying to keep the Dark Lord from harming his family. His dark eyes gazed into nothingness behind his glasses. A ray of moonlight glistened against the metal rim. Severus did not waste time. He walked over his former enemy’s corpse and ran up the stairway. With every step, he could hear it creaking. Suddenly he froze. He heard muffled voices from the second floor. That meant…

 

He ran up like a madman. He could hear them more clearly now.

 

“Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead…”

That was Lily. She was still alive! _She’s still alive!_ _Alive, she’s alive, she’s alive!_

Then another voice spoke, a cold voice that Snape knew all too well. “This is my last warning…”

Were the goddamn steps endless? Finally, Severus climbed up and almost _flew_ towards the nursery, his feet barely touching the floor…

“Not Harry! Please… have mercy… Not Harry! Please… I’ll do anything…”

 

And then he finally reached the room and saw them. The tall, hooded figure of the Dark Lord, with his back towards him. Lily, his sweet Lily stood before him, her majestic red hair in disarray and her beautiful green eyes full of terror as she tried to shield a baby’s crib with her body. The child was crying loudly.

The Dark Lord raised his wand.

“ _Avada…_ ”

Snape was faster.

“ _Sectusempra!_ ”

And suddenly the Dark Lord’s whole forearm flew away in a shower of dark blood, wand and all. The tall wizard hollered in pain and fell sideways. Lily screamed in shock and horror. Severus jumped into the room and wasted no time. He pointed his wand to his master’s on the floor.

“ _Reducto!_ ” As the curse hit the wand and it began to sizzle and fall apart like it was made of sand, Snape twirled around and his eyes found the Dark Lord kneeling on the nursery floor. “ _Avada Kedavra!_ ”

 

The beam of lethal green light never hit the Dark Lord. In one moment he was kneeling on the floor, staring at Severus with his reptilian red eyes, the next he dissolved like a cloud of black mist and whirled sideways, completely evading the Killing Curse. A disembodied cackle echoed in the room.

“So, Severus,” it murmured. “You finally reveal your true colors.”

Snape twisted around, wand held high, as he tried to find his enemy. The Dark Lord was everywhere and nowhere at once, wisps of sentient, black smoke that curled under the roof and slithered across the walls.

“I should have known,” the voice continued. “After all, you did beg like a cur for the life of this mudblood whore.”

“You will not touch her,” Severus hissed and turned his eyes on Lily. “Go, disapparate! Go to our place!” he shouted, hoping she would remember the old playground that the Dark Lord knew nothing about. “Quickly! I’ve wounded him!”

She seemed like she was in stupor, then she moved to take the screeching baby from the cradle. The Dark Lord’s laugh sounded soft like sin itself.

“Oh, I think not…” And then, in the same second, he once again was corporeal, standing just behind Lily. A sadistic smile twisted his pale face into a horrid grimace. Before Snape could even open his mouth to shout, the dark wizard grabbed her with his whole arm and roughly shoved her on the floor in Severus’ feet. Then he turned his gaze towards his Half-Blood Prince. His eyes were glowing like bloodied embers. He pointed a finger at Severus and whispered, “ _Crucio!_ ”

 

The pain hit Severus like a tidal wave. He flew back and fell with a thud on the nursery floor. The baby was screaming again. No, it was Lily, screeching his name. Or maybe it was Severus himself as he convulsed violently. Or it was all three of them, he wasn’t sure. Above it all, he could hear the Dark Lord amused chuckle.

“Really, Severus, what did you think to accomplish here?” He sighed. “I had such hopes for you. Even though your mother had sullied the proud Prince bloodline when she gave birth to you, I still hoped that you will prove yourself. Instead you threw it all away. And for what? A mudblood bitch who doesn’t even want you? You disgust me.”

 

 _You disgust me._ When had he heard that before? Ah, yes, when he went to Dumbledore to beg for mercy and for him to save Lily’s life. Why had he said that? _Because I admitted that I had already begged the Dark Lord for the same thing…_ Dumbledore… He had promised that Lily was protected. _Some protection. The old man is even more useless than I am._

 

Then Snape thought that he heard a faint _pop!_ and felt the wind rustle against the door frame.

“Coming from someone like you, Tom, that is a compliment for him.” Even through the red haze of the agony, Severus knew that voice.

 _Dumbledore, he’s here. Dumbledore is here. Wormtail has made it to Hogwarts._ Suddenly, Snape was free from the pain and felt blackness envelop him. The last thing he saw was a pair of green eyes staring through tears at him. 


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

**November 1, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

 

Severus Snape woke up in the Hospital Wing. It was dark. His head felt heavy. _What am I doing here?_ he wondered. _Was it all a dream?_ Was he still a miserable teenager, studying at Hogwarts and trying to survive through the Marauders’ pranks with his health and dignity intact? _Mum, I dreamt I was a Death Eater…_ He felt a sudden urge to laugh. Naturally, he surpressed it. Oh, if everything had truly been a dream…  _Then Lily wouldn’t be married to Potter, and I wouldn’t have gone to the Dark Lord… Potter… Potter is dead. Oh. But Lily is alive._

 

That thought ran like a jolt of elecricity through his brain. Lily was alive! He had saved her!

Severus groaned and tried to rise. It cost him some effort to swing his legs out of the soft bed. He took a deep breath. He knew his way around the Hospital Wing. Potter and his cronies had sent him here often enough. Then he remembered that Potter was dead and wondered what he ought to feel. Satisfaction? Triumph? Joy? Glee? Severus felt none of those. The only emotion he felt was relief, relief because he had managed to save Lily. _Where is Lily?_

 

He tried to stand up, but his legs felt unusually wobbly. _Well, what did you expect, you dunderhead? It’s a miracle that you came out of there in one piece!_ Snape made one timid step and decided that his legs would manage to get him out of here so he could go and search for Lily.

 

Next thing he knew, the hard stony floor of the infirmary rose to his face and the impact drove the air out of his lungs. He must have cried because then he heard frantic footsteps and a woman’s voice. _Lily?_ But it wasn’t Lily, it was Madam Pomfrey, who knelt next to him, tallking with a speed of ten words per second and Severus didn’t even bother to listen to her. Instead, he saw how the stars in the sky turned into a warm, gleaming sea that rose to take him away. Then he remembered nothing.

 

The next morning came with a lot more clarity. And a bit more pain. With it came Albus Dumbledore, dressed in a shining robe of purple satin with pink lining. Not really the person Severus wanted to see, but there was nothing to be done.

“Severus, my  dear boy,” the old Headmaster smiled through his white beard, his blue eyes twinkling behind his glasses. “How are you feeling?”

“About as well as it might be expected for someone who faced the Dark Lord and lived to tell the tale,” Severus replied dryly. He didn’t feel like he had a particular desire to be polite right now. “I take it that Pettigrew reached you? Is he still here?”

“I alerted the Ministry. The Aurors have taken him to Azkaban to await a trial.” Dumbledore averted his eyes. “It appears that the Potters put their fate in the wrong person.”

“Oh…” Snape thought for a moment before he said, “Before you sent me there as well, at least tell me how is Lily.”

“Sent you there, Severus? Where? To Azkaban?”

“If Pettigrew reached you, then you know I used the Imperius Curse on him.”

“I looked into his memories, my boy, yes. Considering the circumstances, I’d say it was done for the greater good.”

“Barty Crouch is not so liberal in his considerations.”

“Ah, but dear Barty isn’t here,” Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled again, then the blue orbs darkened, as if drowned by sadness. “I’ve taken care of it, Severus. I obliviated the memory of the Imperius from Peter’s mind. His Dark Mark was proof enough. I cannot judge you, especially when you openly defied Voldemort and saved Lily Potter and little Harry.”

Severus knew, he _knew_ that this was going to come back and bite him later, but all he could think and say was, “So  is Lily okay?”

Dumbledore sighed. “She is alive, Severus. And so is her boy. But I wouldn’t go as far as to say she is, as you put it, okay. She’s grieving for James. His death hurt us all.”

Snape said nothing. Dumbledore noticed and continued, “What happened there, Severus? When we came James was already dead, Voldemort was torturing you, and Lily was hysterically screaming for him to stop. His… Half his right arm was missing. Then he fled, apparated away. What happened?”

“I…” his throat felt raw and swallowed heavily. “I failed to find their house in time. By the time I arrived there, Potter had just been killed. The Dark Lord was about to kill Lily too. She didn’t want to step away, she refused to simply allow him to murder the babe. So I used one of my own combat spells,” at this the Headmaster’s blue eyes widened with surprise, “to sever his wand arm just as he was about to cast the Killing Curse on her. Then he… he turned into some kind of sentient mist, to avoid my spells,” Severus thought it prudent not to mention that he had used – or at least had tried to use – the Killing Curse as well. “I implored Lily to flee, but he recovered his real form and incapacitated us both. Then you came and I… I lost consciousness. After that I woke in the Hospital Wing.”

“Ah, yes, you gave Madam Pomfrey quite a fright last night, Severus.”

“Sir, please, may I see Lily? I need to speak to her.”

“Severus…” the Headmaster sighed. “I implore you, give her some time to grieve. I fear that she is too upset, and your presence may open too many old wounds. Give Lily some time, my boy.”

“She… she shouldn’t be alone…”

“She is not. Remus and Sirius are both with her.”

“Oh…” Severus wanted to slap himself. What had he expected? That she’d welcome him with open arms just a night after her husband was murdered by Snape’s own master? _What a pathetic fool you are, Snivellus._ “Very well. Then… please… if you intend to see her and talk with her… give her my condolences, and tell her I’m sorry.”

“About what, Severus? That you didn’t arrive on time to save James as well?”

“About everything.”

Albus Dumbledore didn’t say anything. Instead he reached a slender hand, patted Severus’ shoulder and nodded.

“Thank you, Headmaster.”

“I am the one who must thank you, my dear boy. If it weren’t for you, Lily and young Harry would have died along with James. You’ve earned my trust, Severus, and I’m honored to call you a friend.”

Severus didin’t need to be an occlumens to know that such sweet sentiments always came with a price from the old wizard. Back when he had groveled before Dumbledore, pleading for Lily’s life, the old man had been interested most in how he could twist Severus into servitude to the Order. Severus had willingly pledged himself to him, as no price was too great if it meant that Lily would be safe from the Dark Lord. He would be Dumbledore’s pawn, he would do his bidding… as long as it meant that Lily was safe, none of it mattered. His pride was not worth more than her life.

 _And now Dumbledore’s got you exactly where he wants you. You turned against the Dark Lord, so you cannot go back. You used an Unforgivable Curse and Dumbledore’s the only person who knows about it. And you can bet your miserable arse that now he’s going to hold on to Lily, to use her as a leverage._ _Merlin’s balls, there’s the one thing I didn’t think about – I was not supposed to survive this! Now what?_ Severus could only lie his head on his pillow and wonder what task would Dumbledore have for him. 


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

**November 3, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

It was sickening, that’s what it was. Lily Potter had never felt angrier in her entire life. She wanted to roar her fury to the heavens. It had been three days, three long, hard days since Hallowe’en. Three days since James’ death. Three days since she had become a widow and Harry was deprived of his father. _You’d think they’d give me some more time before they drop yet another bomb…_

Apparently Albus Dumbledore thought differently. _What right does he have? None! He can’t keep me here! He can’t! I won’t do it!_

 

Lily felt as if her blood was literally boiling with rage. Right now Remus and Sirius were joining Moody, Vance and the Longbottoms to raid Malfoy Manor, the headquarters of the Death Eaters’ inner circle, where they suspected Voldemort was hiding. _I would give anything to be with them right now_. The Headmaster, however, had made it perfectly clear that Lily was to stay at Hogwarts. _It’s safe here,_ he had said. _Just what young Harry needs right now, along with his mother,_ he had added, shamelessly using her own son against her.

So she could only _imagine_ how good it would have felt to be in the heat of battle, throwing hexes and curses at _the bloody bastards who had killed James._ A part of Lily, a savage, bloodthirsty part that had never bared its fangs with such fervor before, wanted to kill them all. That part no longer cared about protecting muggles, about keeping the peace in the Wizarding World, even about good and evil. All it cared about was the fact that _they_ had hurt her. And she desperately wanted to hurt them back.

Sometimes, when she looked into Harry’s green eyes as he cooed and giggled at her, blissfully unaware of the tragedy that had befallen them three days ago, she felt terrified of that part. She knew that Narcissa Malfoy had given birth to a son who was of age with Harry. The fact that she wanted to apparate into the Manor and slit Lucius’ throat in front of his wife and infant son just so she would understand how Lily felt, was revolting. When those images sprang for the first time into her mind, she was literally too ashamed and horrified to look at her own baby boy.

And yet…

Sometimes the anger reigned supreme.

 

So now Lily prowled Hogwarts’ grounds around the lake, hoping that the autumn chill would calm her down. Suddenly, she spied a figure in the distance. It was simply standing at the shore, watching the grey waves. Perhaps it was one of the teachers or a student, a 6th or a 7th year. Regardless, it was someone she could talk to. _If I’m lucky, I may even forget about all this for a little while. At this point, I’ll gladly hear everything about what an absolute piece of shit Filch is, or how old Dumbledore has no idea of what it means to actually teach to teenagers_. Whatever this bloke wanted to talk about, Lily was going to be game. She started walking towards the far figure with grim determination.

 

Halfway there, she realized that this was one of the bigger mistakes she had made. _Aside from making Peter our keeper, probably the biggest_. Because as she got closer, Lily realized that the man standing on the lake shore was a one she was not yet ready to see. _Sev, it’s Sev…_

He just stood there, gazing at the cold waters of the lake and the gloomy whisps of silvery mist that swirled above the waves. He had wrapped himself in a flapping black cloak, and his long hair fell across his face like a curtain.

Unfortunately, he had noticed her approach, because he turned his head to look at her. No doubt he, just like Lily herself, had thought that it was just some person who happened to have taken a stroll. There was some twenty or so feet between them but his coal-black eyes momentarily lit up.

“Lily…” he muttered. He immediately strode towards her.

She hastily stepped back and Sev stopped, his brow wrinkled with anxiety.

“Sev… I can’t…” she whispered, wondering if he could even hear her. “I’m sorry.”

With that she turned away and fled to the castle, leaving him at the bleak shore.

 

Back in the castle, where there was warmth and light and Harry was squealing happily in her arms, she felt guilty for running away from him. This was Sev, her Sev. Her best friend, who had fought against Voldemort for her. Lily knew that there were a million things they needed to discuss, to make up for the five years they had spent apart. _At the very least, if it weren’t for him Harry and I would be dead right now…_ But that thought only made her remember James and her heart clenched with sadness. She couldn’t bear to look at Sev, not right now. Not yet. 


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

**November 3, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

 

During his time as a child and, later, a teenager, Severus Snape had decided that there was no such thing as a God. Now he knew he had been wrong. _There is a God, and he exists only to mock me._ He was pacing the small room that Dumbledore had given him, now that he had effectively exiled himself from his former life, snarling like a caged beast.

 

Finally, after three agonizing days, he had seen her. All the things he wanted to say, how sorry he was that he had called her a mudblood, how she had been right all along about him mixing up with the wrong crowd, how he knew that she was grieving and wanted to do anything to help… all that had evaporated from his brain and he had stood there like a gaping nitwit who couldn’t even form a coherent sentence. And then she had ran away from him. _Well done, Snivellus, well done!_

 

Though, in all honesty, perhaps it was for the best. _After all, does it really matter if you ever get to speak to her again? The important thing is that she’s alive, you selfish imbecile._ Even now, three days later, he still couldn’t completely believe that he had actually succeeded. That he had managed to stand against the Dark Lord and buy Lily enough time until Dumbledore and his pups arrived. The thought of that success was so exhilarating that he felt almost drunk with joy. _Now all we have to do is move Lily somewhere far away, somewhere safe where he can’t reach her._

Snape hadn’t even stopped to think about his own fate – he had decided to simply wait for Dumbledore’s orders. _The old man has you in his grasp anyway, so there is no use kicking against the pricks._

 

Night had already fallen over Hogwarts, but Severus had no desire to go down and have dinner at the Great Hall. He was not in the mood for eating. _Nor company, for that matter_.

 

Suddenly, he was startled by a rather loud crackling in the fireplace and when he turned to look, he saw Dumbledore’s grandfatherly face peering at him through the flames.

“Ah, Severus, dear boy,” he said amiably. “How are you?”

“What do you want?” he snapped in response.

“I was hoping that I may have a word with you in my office.”

“Is it important?”

“I’m afraid so, my friend.”

With that the Headmaster’s head disappeared and the fireplace looked normal once again. _Oh what the hell_ , he thought. _It’s not like I have anything better to do_. And who knew? Maybe the old man had managed to talk Lily into seeing him.

He went to the fireplace, took a bag of Floo-powder from the shelf atop it and threw the fine dust into the fire. The flames swooshed and turned emerald. Severus stepped inside and said, “The Headmaster’s Office!”

 

Once he arrived, he sneered. _Lke I said, exists only to mock me._ He stood there, face to face with the Order of the Phoenix. _And to think I hoped he had arranged a meeting with Lily._ Lily was nowhere to be seen. _Well, this is going to be uncomfortable…_ It had been months since Severus had pledged himself to Dumbledore for Lily’s sake; but, to Snape’s knowledge, in all that time the Headmaster had never officially admitted to his men who his spy was. _Now they know_.

 

Sirius Black was glaring at him, his unruly dark hair falling across his brow and cheeks and his mustache bristling with animosity. He looked like a dog ready to hurl itself at a houserobber but Remus Lupin, looking worn and tired as always, put a hand on his best friend’s  shoulder and whispered something in his ear. Black growled and turned his back on Severus, instead choosing to stare at the night sky through one of the windows.

Snape’s eyes flickered across the room. Minerva McGonagall, the old trout, was looking at him as if she had just saw a cockroach slithering beneath the bread basket. Her thin lips reminded him of the times, not so long ago, when he was a student here. Alastor Moody didn’t seem much friendlier. The grizzled Auror’s scarred hand was twitching against the pocket where he held his wand. Frank and Alice Longbottom did not glare at him with such an open hostility, but their eyes were cold and suspicious.

 

And then Severus saw her, sitting in front of the Headmaster’s desk and holding the baby in her arms. She looked lovely, dressed in a gown of dark green velvet. She, too, was looking at him, and her face was the one filled with the most disgust. _Compared to her, e_ _ven Minerva looks at me like a kind aunt…_

 

“Narcissa?” he frowned at the blonde woman. “What is going on? What are you doing here?”

“Why don’t you ask your new friends, Severus?” she replied through clenched teeth.

Severus sought out Dumbledore’s face. The old wizard measured him with his sharp blue eyes from behind his glasses.

“The Order raided Malfoy Manor today,” he said softly. “We had hoped that Voldemort was hiding there after his encounter with you.”

Snape’s eyes met Narcissa’s. She didn’t flinch – actually, she looked back at him with open, honest hatred. Suddenly Severus understood and so when Alastor Moody spoke with his gruff voice, he found that he wasn’t surprised at all.

“Only, it turned out it was empty!” The battered veteran exclaimed. “The only residents there were Mrs. Malfoy, here, and the lad.”

 _So you took her captive? A prisoner? A lone woman, with her baby?_  He almost opened his mouth to voice his thoughts when he remembered that the Dark Lord had attacked Lily and _her_ baby with the intent to kill instead of capture. _Never mind that it wasn’t Narcissa’s fault. This lot won’t take it kindly if I jump to her defence._

“So it’s true, Severus?” she said and he turned his attention back to the elegant, slender woman sitting in front of the Headmaster like a student in detention. “You’ve turned your back on him?”

“I have my reasons to abandon the Dark Lord,” he muttered, thinking of Lily.

“The Dark Lord? I was talking about Lucius,” she hissed, her voice icy and full of scorn. “Lucius, who took you under his wing since your first day at Hogwarts. Lucius, who introduced you to the Dark Lord and personally insisted for every promotion you ever got.” with those words Narcissa cradled the sleeping baby to her chest. “And how you repay him? By becoming the ally of the people who kidnapped me from my own home!”

Severus didn’t know what to answer. He didn’t even know if he _ought_ to answer. There was truth in Narcissa’s words. Lucius Malfoy had always been… generous and genial towards Severus. Aside from Lily, he was probably the friendliest face Snape ever saw during his youth at Hogwarts. _And Narcissa was always kind to me too, though she was at that age where 11 years old boys are no subject of any interest._ A part of him felt the slimy touch of guilt, especially considering that he never even thought what his betrayal would mean for the Death Eater who had introduced him to the Dark Lord. _Then again, it was all for Lily. And when the choice is between her and the Malfoys…_ Nothing in this world was more important than Lily.

 _It’s remarkable how openly she admits Lucius’ involvement_. It even seemed stupid, until he remembered that the Order had stormed Malfoy Manor. Only Salazar Slytherin himself knew what incriminating evidence they had found there. Perhaps denial was completely redundant at this point. _If that’s true, she’s probably a lot more frightened than she lets on_. Still, Narcissa was a true Slytherin; she was never going to admit her weakness and would do everything in her power to turn the table. _A pity she’s just not in Dumbledore’s category._

“Mrs. Malfoy,” Dumbledore spoke kindly and she turned her angry gaze at the Headmaster, “Do not think yourself a prisoner. I’d rather say that you and young Draco are guests at Hogwarts.”

“Guests?” she spat the word as if it was poisonous.

“Yes, Cissy, guests,” growled Sirius Black, still looking through the window. _Weren’t they siblings?_ Severus wondered. _No, cousins, from the two branches of the House of Black._ “And believe me when I tell you, you’ll receive a warmer welcome here than any of us would have at your husband’s palace, had the roles been reversed.”

Narcissa ignored him and glared at Dumbledore. “Why should I be your “guest”, Dumbledore? I’ve done nothing that warrants for me to be taken from my home! My son is just a baby, he…”

“Lady,” Moody’s voice was as rough as his ugly face, “the fact that you lack the Mark is the only reason you get to have a room in Hogwarts instead of a nice cell in Azkaban.” From his tone Snape decided that Alastor himself would like nothing more than to lock both Malfoys away. He probably felt the same way about Severus too.

Narcissa stared at him, her face a mixture of resentment and incredibility. _She’s probably shocked at the audacity he has, to even stand in a room with her, what’s left to talk to her like this._

“Moody, you miserable creature…” she hissed. “Don’t you _dare_ speak to me! My husband will…”

“And where _is_ Lucius, Mrs. Malfoy?” Dumbledore asked mildly.

“I already told your thugs, Dumbledore! I don’t know!”

Dumbledore leaned back on his chair and said nothing. His blue eyes focused on Narcissa for a brief moment, gleaming like sapphires. A second later he broke the contact and nodded, “Very well, Mrs. Malfoy. I suggest you retire for the night, I’m sure you and Draco need your rest after such a hard day. If you need anything, food or drinks, or anything else, call the house elves. They are at your disposal. Frank, Remus, would you be so kind as to escort dear Mrs. Malfoy to her chambers? I trust she doesn’t know the path. Oh, Mrs. Malfoy, one last thing,” he called and she turned to look at him. “Like I said, you are not a prisoner here. Tomorrow I will be visited from Bartemius Crouch. I expect he’ll want to talk to you. If you would rather be transferred under his care, consider yourself free to do so. Good night.”

“This is not over, Dumbledore,” Narcissa declared as Lupin and Longbottom led her out of the Headmaster’s office. They were gentle, but firm. Snape watched them and wondered why he was invited to witness that whole scene.

 

He cleared his throat. “Headmaster, if I may ask…” Dumbledore blinked and turned his eyes on Severus. “What was all this about?”

“Like I said, my boy, today the Order invaded Malfoy Manor. We hoped to take them by surprise. We also hoped that Voldemort would be there, recuperating after what happened at Godric’s Hollow. As it turned out…”

“… We were wrong,” Black barked from the window. “The Manor was deserted in a great haste, and my beautiful cousin and my charming nephew were the only ones left.” His voice was thick with bitterness. _Look at him, he’s itching for a fight. I bet he grieves for Potter even more than Lily does._ Which meant that Severus had to be very careful. It wasn’t hard to guess where Black’s anger and sorrow would find their next target. _I’m not afraid of Sirius Black, not anymore_ , he thought darkly… but neither he could afford to kill him or even Crucio him a bit. Not where Lily was around and when Dumbledore held all the cards. _Sit back, shut your mouth, take his insults and wait your chance._

“Why were they left behind?” Severus wondered.

Moody shrugged. “Probably because of the babe. Wasn’t fit for long travel yet or somesuch.” Severus had his doubts about that, but decided to keep them to himself. “What I’d like to know,” the Auror snarled, “is how come they knew we were coming?”

Still gazing out into the night, Black muttered, “A snitch.”

“Yes, but who?”

“Why don’t you ask good old Snivellus?”

 _Ah, there it goes_. Snape opened his mouth to retort but Dumbledore had apparently forestalled his reaction because he cleared his throat and said, “Please, friends, now is not the time to fight each other. Nobody is suspecting you of anything, Severus,” Sirius Black snorted but otherwise remained silent. “What we must focus on is finding Lord Voldemort and his men.”

 

“Is that why you took Narcissa Malfoy?” Severus asked, amazed at the ruthlessness of the Headmaster. _Out of the frying pan and into the fire…_ “To force Lucius to reveal himself? The Ministry would never stand for it. And if the Dark Lord wishes to remain hidden, Lucius will not risk his wrath for his wife’s sake.”

“I find it troubling, my dear boy, that you always think the worst of people.” Dumbledore’s voice was mild and soft, but his eyes did not twinkle this time. “I took Narcissa Malfoy because I don’t believe that a young mother and her child should be left at Voldemort’s mercy. Even if she won’t thank me for it. I thought, Severus, that you, of all people, would understand this.”

 _Oh, very good, old man, very good,_ Snape sneered on the inside. _You almost managed to sound sincere_. Still, as far as plans went, it was not complete bollocks. Lucius would now have to choose between his wife and son on one hand, and his loyalty to the Dark Lord on the other. _And we all know how that turned out for me, eh?_ Dumbledore was starting to play rough. Severus cleared his throat.

“I do, sir, I understand,” he said. _More than you know._ He didn’t fail to notice how Black scowled at this.

“Good,” Dumbledore said, eyeing everyone in his office. “Unfortunately, I fear that Mrs. Malfoy was not wrong about one thing. This is not the end.”


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

**November 4, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

 

A part of Severus was beginning to regret that he had spared Peter Pettigrew. _I should have killed him instead of sending him to Dumbledore_. _At least I wouldn’t be on the old man’s leash right now_. Then again, if it hadn’t been for Dumbledore, the Dark Lord would have killed him. Worse, he would have killed Lily as well. Still, Snape’s patience was starting to wear thin.

 

After last night’s theatrics with Narcissa, Severus wanted only to be left alone, free to rest and think. Instead, once the brisk morning had dawned over Hogwarts, the Headmaster summoned him once more.

And now the two of them stood at the old man’s office, waiting for the delegates of the Ministry.

“I warned you,” Severus grumbled, “they won’t just let you keep her here.”

Albus Dumbledore looked at him innocently with his bright blue eyes while he gently sipped his tea.

“Are you sure you don’t want a cup, my boy?” he asked lightly.

Snape glared at him. The old wizard sighed. “I’m confident that dear Barty will be reasonable.”

“Crouch? Reasonable? Why, yes, Dumbledore, and I’m the Sultan of Burma.”

Dumbledore frowned. “I wasn’t aware they had a Sultan. Don’t you mean Brunei, Severus? Your knowledge of muggle history is lacking.”

Exasperated, Snape threw his hands in the air.

Just then the flames in the fireplace glowed green and Bartemius Crouch Sr. stepped into the Headmaster’s Office. The Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement looked stiff and immaculate as always. Behind him stepped a young man with blonde hair and a freckled face. Severus took him for a clerk until he noticed the resemblance between him and Crouch and the memory clicked in place. _Huh. Look at that. What is Junior doing here?_ He remembered Barty Crouch Jr. vaguely from his time in Hogwarts. The boy was younger than him and even though both had been in Slytherin, Snape didn’t remember to have ever spoken with him. _And why_ _would I? I spent most of my time with my nose in a book, or with Lily_. And after he had destroyed their friendship, he had latched on to his peers and the older students like Lucius. He had never had any use for the younger students. 

“Albus,” Crouch Sr. nodded to the Headmaster. He didn’t even look at Severus.

“Good morning, my friend,” Dumbledore said merrily. “Ah, and I see young Barty is here as well. How are you, my dear boy?”

“Hello, sir,” Crouch Jr. murmured politely.

“Would you two care for some tea? And I must admit, I’m surprised to see you here,” his eyes twinkled at the young man. “Pleasantly, of course. Perhaps you miss your old Alma Mater?”

Barty opened his mouth to answer but his father spoke in his stead, “My son needs to learn what his future work will entail. I’ve given him a job at my Department. It’s past time he grew up.”

Severus noticed that Junior didn’t seem too pleased that his father had spoken instead of him. Dumbledore, however, had dismissed the youth from his attention and was speaking with Crouch Sr.

“How are things going with Peter Pettigrew, Barty?” he asked.

“How do you think?” the man relied gruffly. “He’s a Death Eater and has conspired against the Potters. Now that James Potter is dead because of him, he’s looking at a life sentence in Azkaban. If he’s lucky,” he added darkly.

“Truly sad,” Dumbledore sighed and sipped his tea. “I wonder, what madness possessed him to betray his friends?”

“His motives are no concern of mine, Albus. Only his punishment. Everyone has excuses.” With that he glanced at Snape. “Albus tells me that you were instrumental in capturing Pettigrew and saving Lily Potter and her child. It would seem that his scheme to recruit you was a success, Mr. Snape.”

Severus decided that Crouch didn’t sound like he was happy with that. He raised a black eyebrow. “I was under the impression that my role was known only to the Headmaster and myself.”

“Don’t delude yourself. The only reason why Albus can operate so freely is because I allow it. I do recognize that all of us need to work together against You-Know-Who.”

Severus had his doubts. _The old man is more cunning than you know, Crouch. You’re just a Ministry stooge, with a too high opinion of himself_. _If anything, it’s him who allows you to do what you do._ But he knew better than to voice his thoughts.

“Now,” Crouch said, “on to the question of Narcissa Malfoy. I am not pleased, Albus, not pleased at all. Her husband is a suspected Death Eater. We’ve been monitoring him for half a year. You cannot just take people into your custody! She should be given to the Ministry.”

“And what will you do with her If I were to… give her to you, Barty?”

“She will be administered Veritaserum and put to the question. At the very least, I suspect she is an accomplice of You-Know-Who.”

Severus cleared his throat. “I can assure, you, Crouch, Narcissa Malfoy is not a Death Eater.”

“That’s true, Barty,” Dumbledore sipped his tea. “She doesn’t bear the Dark Mark. Narcissa Malfoy cannot give you what you want.”

“Lucius Malfoy disappeared yesterday, along with dozens of other suspects and confirmed criminals, and you’re telling me she doesn’t have any knowledge about that? And you trust her? Don’t be ridiculous, Albus!”

“As you well know, dear Barty, I am quite an accomplished occlumens. It’s not a matter of trust. I _know_ she doesn’t know where Lucius is. I also know she is a mother who is fearful for her child. As long as I am a Headmaster here, Hogwarts will never deny help and protection to those who need it.”

Crouch Sr. scowled. “Still, I would like to speak with her. Now.”

“Certainly.” Dumbledore stood and went to the fireplace. He threw some Floo-powder into the flames, stepped into the green fire and disappeared to Narcissa’s chambers.

An awkward silence filled the Headmaster’s Office. Severus could almost feel Crouch’s hard glare on him.

A moment later, Dumbledore returned with Narcissa in tow. Severus had to admire her nerve – here she stood, surrounded by her husband’s enemies and she didn’t balk, nor flinch. She stepped out of the fireplace with an almost regal dignity. _You have to give it to the purebloods, they do know how to conduct themselves_. Then again, Sirius Black – Narcissa’s own cousin – was neither regal nor especially dignified. _Even the Black family has its black sheep, I suppose._

“Mr. Crouch,” she said, her voice even and cool. She didn’t acknowledge Junior. Nor Severus, for that matter.

The Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement gave her an icy glare, but nodded stiffly.

“Mrs. Malfoy,” he said, “I’m going to go straight to the point. Dumbledore claims that you are here, in Hogwarts, because he believes you need his protection.”

There was the briefest moment of hesitation. It didn’t last more than a fraction of a second.

“I do,” she said, keeping her tone completely emotionless.

“And may I ask why? What are you afraid of, Mrs. Malfoy?”

“My husband is missing. I fear he may have been kidnapped.” Severus noticed how Crouch scoffed. _He doesn’t believe her. But if Dumbledore hasn’t shared his information, he has no proof._ “Since our homes no longer appear to be safe, I chose to entrust myself to the Headmaster’s protection. Hogwarts is the safest place I know. I spent my childhood here. My son’s safety is my only concern.”

“Mrs. Malfoy, are you even aware that your husband is a suspected Death Eater?”

“Do I stand accused of something, Mr. Crouch?” she replied with a question of her own.

Crouch Sr. pursed his thin lips. _She’s got him. He doesn’t have proof of anything_. Of course, Severus _knew_ that Barty Crouch was right. Lucius _was_ a Death Eater. And Narcissa _wasn’t_ the ignorant trophy wife. But without proof or a confession, he couldn’t lay a finger on her. And he knew it. He knew that his hands were tied.  _So much for the long arm of the law_.

“No,” he admitted grudgingly, “you are not.”

“Then, if you’ll excuse me, I have to tend to my son. He has to have his breakfast.”

With that, she turned around and left. Crouch was glaring at her back, but didn’t say anything.

Not for the first time, Severus had to admit that working for Dumbledore could be almost as unnerving as serving the Dark Lord. _All of us, we’re the pawns in that chess game between the two of them_. He could only hope that the Headmaster cared more about his pawns’ lives than the Dark Lord did. _Well, as long as he keeps Lily safe, it is of no consequence to me_.

“There you have it, Barty,” Dumbledore said amiably. “Narcissa Malfoy wishes to remain in Hogwarts. On her free will, and not in my, as you say, custody. Are you pleased now?”

“No,” Crouch said frankly. “But you’ve given me no choice, have you, Albus?” he waved a hand. “Very well. You can have Narcissa Malfoy. For now. We’ll find her husband soon enough, and we’ll see what he and his friends have to say.” He nodded to the Headmaster. “Good day. Come along, Barty.”

“Father, I wondered…” the young man said, hesitantly. “Since we’re here, I hoped to visit Professor Slughorn. He was my Head of House, and has always paid a special attention to me. With your permission, of course, Headmaster?” he looked at Dumbledore.

“Of course, dear boy, of course,” Dumbledore smiled through his white beard. “I believe you will find him in his office in the Dungeons. I’m sad to say, too many parents have decided to forbid their children from coming to Hogwarts this term, so the curriculum has been somewhat lightened and the teachers have more free time. Unlike Narcissa, some families seem to prefer the safety of their homes.” He shook his head. “This war is a terrible thing.”

“Yes,” Crouch Sr. cleared his throat. “Very good, son, go visit Professor Slughorn. Give him my regards as well. But do not dally.”

With a final nod to Dumbledore and Snape, Bartemius Crouch Sr. left through the Floo-network. His son left for the Dungeons as well.

 

When they were gone, Severus turned to the Headmaster.

“It seems you won this time, Headmaster,” he sneered.

“No, Severus, I will consider myself a winner only when Voldemort is brought down and we all live in peace once more.” He looked Snape in the eyes. “And in that regard, I have a task for you."


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

**November 4, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

 

“No, no, don’t tell me, dear girl, I remember exactly how you like your tea!” Horace Slughorn said. “There, three spoons of sugar, and no milk.”

Lily smiled at her old Potions Master as she took a sip. “Thank you, Professor,” she said.

Slughorn took a seat and looked at her. He was smiling, but his eyes seemed sad. _No, not sad. Full of pity_. _Look at poor Lily, the Potter widow_.

Since Dumbledore had decided for her that she was to stay at Hogwarts for the time being, Lily had thought that she might as well visit some old friends she had left behind. Hagrid had given her a bone-crushing hug when he saw her. The groundskeeper seemed fearsome, with his huge arms and his bushy beard, but he was kindest man Lily had ever known. Professor McGonagall had been very pleased to be able to catch-up with her “best Head Girl” too. So were Flitwick, and Kettleburn, and all the other teachers that Lily had known. And all of them had showered her with their condolences and their pity. Soon she began to feel as if she was suffocating under it. _I don’t want pity. I want revenge_. _I want James to enter through that door and to tell me that he’s okay, that everything will be fine_.

 

Only with Remus and Sirius she felt at ease. But they had left. The war was not over. And all Lily wanted was to be allowed to fight in it.

 

She had hoped that maybe it would be different with Slughorn. The Potions Master had always said that she was his favorite student, one of the most esteemed members of the Slug Club. He had been one of her favorite teachers too. _I guess it was too much to hope for, that he wouldn’t burden me with his pity as well_.

Harry squirmed in her lap and tore her from her brooding thoughts. Slughorn had insisted to meet her son. Now he smiled at him.

“Looks like his father, doesn’t he?” he said amiably. _Yes, he does. Now shut up._ “I’m sure he’ll make a fine student at Hogwarts when he comes of age.” He gave Harry another smile and turned his grey eyes to Lily. “How are you holding up, Lily?”

“Good, Professor,” she lied. “Given the circumstances. At least Harry is safe.”

“Please, Lily, call me Horace, you’re not a student anymore!”

“Very well, Horace,” she smiled as she supped her tea. “And how are _you_ doing? I was worried that I might interrupt your work when I came.”

“Well, what can I say? So many children didn’t even turn up when the term began. Some left soon after. The parents are scared, they don’t want to leave their children in other people’s care.”

“I understand them.”

“Of course, of course. But we have hardly any teaching to do now. The little ones, the 1st and the 2nd years, there are barely any left of those. A lot of the 7th years have left as well. I suppose they think that fighting in the war is more important than finishing their education.” He snorted. “And House Slytherin is almost deserted. Sometimes I wonder if I’m going to be left to govern only myself as the Head of House! So you see, dear Lily,” he said, “you and Harry are not interrupting anything. Between us, I hear that the Headmaster is thinking of closing off the school after New Year’s. We’ll reopen our gates after the war is over.”

“Maybe it will be for the best.” Harry whimpered and she looked at her baby boy. “What is it, darling? Are you hungry?”

“Little boys are always hungry,” Horace Slughorn nodded wisely.

 

Then someone knocked at the door. Horace lifted an eyebrow in surprise. “Yes, come in,” he called.

A young man with a freckled face entered the dimly-lit office. He looked vaguely familiar to Lily, but she wasn’t sure where she had seen him.

“Ah!” Slughorn exclaimed. “What a surprise! Barty Crouch Jr. How are you, my boy? Have you met Lily Potter? You may have taken classes together.”

 _Barty Crouch?_ She remembered him faintly. She knew his father worked in the Ministry and that he had been in Slytherin. He never seemed to have befriended the dark crowd who later became Death Eaters, though. Mulciber, Avery, Malfoy, Sirius’ little brother and their cousin Bellatrix… every one of them turned to Voldemort after they finished school. _Even Sev. But he saved me too_.

“I haven’t had the pleasure to meet you in person,” Crouch Jr. said to her and shook her hand. “Hello, Mrs. Potter. My… ugh… my condolences.”

 _You too? I bet you have never even spoken to James!_ “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Crouch,” she said politely.

“Please,” he gave her a half-smile. “Mr. Crouch is my father. Call me Barty.”

“What brings you here, Barty?” Slughorn asked.

“Well, my father had a… business meeting with the Headmaster. I came with him mainly because I wanted to visit my old school.”

“Ah, good boy,” Slughorn smiled approvingly. “You know, Lily, after you graduated, Barty here became one of my best students.”

“Glad to hear it,” she said. “Listen, Horace, it has been a pleasure to see you. But as you can see, Harry is becoming restless and if I don’t feed him soon, his bellows will wake even the giant squid, so I’ll go.”

“I can call the house elves if you wish?”

“Thank you, but they never get it right. They overheat the milk too much and their fruit mash leaves something to be desired. I fear they are not used to take care of babies,” she chuckled. “It’s better if I do it myself.”

“Do you know how to get to the Kitchens?”

“Remus showed me the way in our 3rd year. He had the habit to go for a late night snack.” With that she got up, cradling Harry securely against her chest. “I hope we see each other soon, Horace. Barty, it was nice meeting you. Good day.”

“Goodbye, Lily,” Slughorn smiled. “You can come any time. My door is always open for my little Slugs.”

 

And so Lily left Slughorn in Barty Crouch’s company and headed to the Kitchens. _Thank Merlin for Barty Crouch!_ It seemed that normal human interaction had become tiresome for her. _Maybe it will get better in time_. On the way she noticed that Slughorn had been right – the corridors of the school were nearly empty. Lily remembered how different it had been, not so long ago. The Hogwarts of her childhood had been a place of wonder, and noise, and life. Now it stood deserted and grey, the granite walls whipped by the cold wind.

By the time Lily got to the Kitchens, Harry had began wriggling in her arms, whining for his food. “It’s alright, dearest,” Lily said gently, hoping to calm him down. “Mummy will get you some nice, warm milk and something sweet to eat. How about that, Harry?”

He looked up at her and giggled, his green eyes almost shining with pleasure at hearing her voice.

“Mummy!” he cooed.

Lily couldn’t help but smile and that make him blurt out a short, childish laugh. _If it wasn’t for Harry, I’d probably have gone bonkers by now._

 

The Kitchens had always been a busy place. Lily remembered it clearly from her childhood – house elves hurrying about, the soft clanking on cutlery and utensils, the smells of tens of dishes cooking at once. And even now, after she had seen how empty Hogwarts had become because of the war, she knew that it would be a place bubbling with work, preparing the meals of the nearing lunch. Lily hoped that she could find some corner where she could quickly make something for Harry without meddling with the elves’ job.

 

Once she entered, however, she noticed nothing of it.

 

All she saw was the tall, blonde woman, sitting next to a table, far from the elves, and looking proudly at a baby with hair so fine and fair that it looked almost white. It was standing on wobbly, short legs and was trying to bounce a small, green ball off the floor. He dropped it and his mother had to Accio it quickly before it could hit one of the house elves, some of which were already carrying enormous plates with steaming food over their heads to the four special tables where they would vanish and appear upstairs, in the Great Hall.

 _What?_ Lily was so confused that even in her head the thought sounded blankly. Then she corrected herself, _What is this bitch doing here?_

Just when the ball flew back into Narcissa Malfoy’s palm she noticed Lily’s shadow and turned to look at her. Her blue eyes widened in shock and his lips parted slightly.

The two women stared at each other, each equally confused by the unwelcome presence of the other.

Their children broke them out of their trance. Narcissa’s son reached up with his small arms, trying to get the ball that his mother still held. Involuntarily, she squeezed it when she felt Draco’s tiny fingers on her hand and it squeaked funnily. The noise made Harry perk up. He moved in Lily’s arms and fixed both the ball and the other baby with his green eyes.

“Ball!” he exclaimed happily, pointing at the object with a tiny, chubby finger.

Lily composed herself.

“Malfoy,” she said, desperately trying to keep her voice even. “Why are _you_ here?”

Narcissa gave her a haughty look. “What’s it to you, Potter?”

“Nothing, I just didn’t think that the Kitchens would be infested by Death Eaters.”

“And I thought I could come here without having to look at mudbloods. Yet here you are.”

They glared at each other. _Come on,_ Lily thought, _say just one more thing. One more pathetic insult. And I’ll hex you so hard that I’ll burn off that pompous hairdo of yours. Come on._ Then, suddenly, Lily realized why Narcissa was here. _Of course!_

She felt Harry tugging the collar of her shirt. “Ball!” he insisted again. Neither Lily nor Narcissa paid him much mind.

“So, _Narcissa_ ,” she drawled, knowing perfectly well that the witch would hate it when Lily used her first name, denying her the imaginary respect she thought she deserved. “It’s you who they caught in the Manor, eh? Pity. I imagine Remus and Sirius would have wanted someone more… important. You are barely a consolation prize.”

“Shut your mouth, _Lily,_ ” Narcissa Malfoy spat back and sprang out of the chair. Involuntarily, Lily frowned when the other woman turned the name-game against her. “You have no idea what are you talking about. You’re only making a fool of yourself. Not that I’m surprised by that,” she added.

“Really?” Lily answered hotly.

“Ball?” Harry asked again, a little louder. Lily sighed, gently dropped him down and held him by the shoulder with one hand, to help him keep himself straight. Harry wobbled slightly, but managed not to fall on his bum.

“Mummy is a little busy,” she told him softly. “I’ll get you a ball in a minute.” Then she turned her attention back to Narcissa. “You talk very bravely,” she said dryly. “For a prisoner.”

Narcissa’s pale face reddened with anger. “I am not a prisoner,” she hissed.

“Yes. Yes, you are,” Lily replied and smirked. “What happened? Lucius finally realized how worthless you are so he left you behind?”

“At least he’s not dead, you mudblood bitch!” the enraged Narcissa said loudly.

The whole kitchen froze. It was as if someone had just cast a Silencing Charm. Lily could feel the house elves watching them with big, frightened eyes. It lasted a second, then all of them hurried to get back to work. Lily’s hand shot towards her wand, tucked behind the waist of her black jeans. _Thank you, Merlin. Now, time for some hexing!_

She was just about to whip out her wand and cast a Stunner against Narcissa when once again, she heard Harry giggle. “Ball?” he asked.

Lily looked down. Narcissa followed her eyes.

“Ball,” Draco answered and gave it to Harry.

Both witches stood there, mouths agape. While they had been busy hissing against each other, the two toddlers had crept towards each other, their little faces full of curiosity. Then Draco had given his green ball to Harry who promptly dropped it when he tried to spin it in his small hands.

“ _Accio_ ball!” Lily said quickly when she saw that it rolled straight towards an unsuspecting house elf who was carrying so many trays and plates that the small mound was taller than his head. She caught it and handed it back to Narcissa. The blonde raised a pale eyebrow suspiciously but took it without a word.

 _Great, now it’s awkward,_  Lily grumbled on the inside. For a brief moment the prospect of crossing wands with Narcissa had been so exciting... Never mind that it was utterly juvenile. Never mind that both had their babies with them. _Merlin, what was I thinking?_ She looked down again. Both children were staring at their mothers curiously.

Neither of them spoke but if Narcissa’s face was any indication, she probably felt embarrassed too. _This is ridiculous!_ Lily cleared her throat.

“Uhm…” she said, “I… uh… yeah. I actually came to make Harry something to eat.”

Narcissa gave a small nod. “Yes, they,” she cast a derisive look at the house elves, “just don’t get it right, do they?”

“They’re not used to such young children.”

After that they both felt silent again until Narcissa said, “Well, I… I came here earlier because of that too. I warmed a jug of milk, but Draco only drank half a cup,” she nodded to the table where she had sat before and, sure enough, there was a jug there. “There are some biscuits as well, Draco liked them when I soaked them in milk. You can try and see if your boy will like it too.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Lily nodded, very hesitantly.

Narcissa didn’t say anything. Instead she looked at her son. “Come, Draco,” said softly, “It’s time for you to take a nap. You’ve been awake since dawn!”

With that Narcissa took her son in her arms and strode to the door. With her hand on the knob, she turned, met Lily’s eyes and said, “I’m sorry for what I said. About your husband.”

Then she left.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9**

**November 5, 1981, Knockturn Alley**

 

 

Severus could barely recognize his own reflection when he passed by the shop windows. His long black hair was now a short, silvery crop through which one could see the shape of his skull. His large hooked nose, the bane of his teenage years, had been broadened and flattened across his face. His jaw was almost square, his lips – much more prominent. His skin was dark as ebony.

Worst of all, he had to give up his comfortable black robes and was now clad in a white shirt with wide sleeves beneath a crimson waistcoat and a dark red mantle. _Someone is going to die for this, painfully and slowly_.

 

Still, even Severus had to admit that the polyjuice potion had done its job. Knockturn Alley was a hive for the wretched – dark wizards, squibs who hurried about like ants, suspicious strangers from distant lands and scores of common thugs. In other words, a crowd that Severus Snape would do wise to avoid given his current standing with the Dark Lord. Too many eyes, and none of them were friendly.

His _past_ standing with the Dark Lord, however, had resulted in Dumbledore’s decision to send him here in disguise. It had been five days since Severus turned openly against his master, and three since the Dark Lord and his most devout – _And important_ ­ – followers had simply vanished. Lucius Malfoy, the Lestranges, Antonin Dolohov, Rosier, Nott… all were gone. Dumbledore and Snape agreed that this was disquieting. The Order of the Phoenix was searching tirelessly all across Britain but they only managed to capture a few of the lowest Death Eaters who were just a tad above fledglings, thugs who had barely managed to earn their Dark Marks; none of them knew anything, and the leaders were still missing. The Ministry was faring even worse, if Severus was to judge by Bartemius Crouch’s boisterous arrogance. _The trail, if there is even such a thing, will get colder every day_.

Dumbledore was fearing the blindness of the unknown – if the Dark Lord managed to slip away for long, his next attack was going to be unpredictable and terrible. _Will he strike against Hogwarts? The Ministry? The muggles?_ Somehow Snape thought those were too obvious. _He’s planning something, but what?_

And so Severus was now prowling through Knockturn Alley with a stranger’s face instead of his own, hoping against hope that he might find something, _anything_ , the smallest clue or hint of what lay ahead.

 

As he walked deeper into the Alley, he came across a small square where three wynds were intersecting. There, Severus found himself amidst some sort of a marketplace. Ragged witches and wizards were crowing at the passers-by, hoping to find souls stupid or twisted enough to buy their wares. A few squibs were begging pitifully at the street corners. The grey clouds above and the dim orange glow of dirty lanterns and smoldering brazers made the square look sinister. It was a place of foul smells and noises.

Suddenly, a short hag with the most disgusting, rotten smile Severus had ever seen thrust a clawed hand in his face, holding what seemed to be… “Eyeballs!” she croaked. “Centaur eyeballs! Seven sickles for a pair, black sir!”

Severus stepped back, dismissing her with a flick of his wrist, trying to look haughty instead of on the verge of heaving. If he fell retching on his knees, it would attract attention, and of the worst possible kind too. Here, in Knockturn Alley, one should never show weakness.

As he retreated, he stumbled on a dog and reeled. It was quite large, covered in coarse black fur. It reminded Severus of an illustration of a Grim he and Lily once saw in Hogwarts. He cursed under his breath and tried to repel the cur with a kick, but the dog only eyed him insolently and padded away through the crowd.

Snape crossed the square and entered into a narrow side alley. It sloped downwards and sometimes he even had to descend stony steps. The houses and the shops on the both sides of the street seemed to lean to each other, trying to huddle away from the light of day. _I hate this place_. Severus wasn’t particularly enamoured with brightness and glitter himself, but something about the oily gloom of Knockturn Alley always made him feel anxious. _It is the Spinner’s End of the Wizarding World…_

 

When he came to the intersection he sought, he turned right. _Merlin, I hope this works._

Dumbledore had hoped that Severus might be able to find some of his old Death Eater “friends” and use his abilities as a spy to learn anything that might be of use.

 _Idiocy_. No Death Eater would be found in Knockturn Alley today. Severus didn’t even try to look for them. _The fools and the lowly ones are afraid and know nothing anyway. And the rest won’t just turn up here because the old man is getting antsy_. No, Snape had an idea of his own. It was dangerous. A part of him whispered that it was bloody stupid as well. _Still, he’s the best bet I have_.

He reached into one of the pockets of his waistcoat and pulled out a small, metallic flask. Polyjuice needed to be consumed regularly to maintain the false appearance. With a bit of luck he might be back in Hogwarts by nightfall, so he probably wouldn’t have to drink much more of it. _I can’t wait to see myself in the mirror_.

As he took a swig of the potion, Snape noticed the black dog he had stumbled on earlier. It was sniffing the ground on the other side of the street, completely oblivious of the people that walked around it. Severus knew that not only homeless humans loved to wander through Knockturn Alley, and yet… _Seeing the same stray dog two times in a row?_

 

When he finally reached his destination, he took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He had been here before, doing the bidding of the Dark Lord, and even the sight of the place gave him a sour taste in his mouth. Severus smacked his unpleasantly plump, and dry, lips and moved towards the door of the rundown house that stood before him.

He knocked heavily with a whole fist. A small rectangular hatch slid sideways to reveal a pair of suspicious eyes who glared at Severus. “Password?” said a rough voice.

Severus knew that they changed the password every full moon. Luckily for him, he had been here two weeks earlier. The Dark Lord had sent him to bring a message. The contents had been kept in secret from Snape himself who only had to come here and deliver the letter. He understood everything, though only after the murder of Edgar Bones and his family. _So much blood on your hands, Snivellus…_

“Tiber.”

The hatch closed and the door opened with a rusty moan.

 

Severus entered in something that resembled an antechamber. It was dark, dank and there was only a staircase that led down into the blackness. The burly doorman closed the door behind Snape and restored the ward. He waved a hand towards the stairs and the cellar below.

“You’re a bit late,” he said. “Better get down there quick, or you won’t get to place any bets.”

Severus nodded and down he went.

With each step he felt his throat constricted by fear. Beads of sweat trickled upon his brow. He began to hear the noises, as if a group of people were cheering and shouting beneath the earth.

 

He found himself into a low, stony hallway. Slowly, he crept forward. It led Severus into a dimly-lit chamber. Scores of haggard witches and wizards were standing in a circle, swearing and yelling with loud approval. Severus elbowed his way through their ranks.

Two men were fighting in the middle of the circle, bare-chested and with bruised knuckles and faces. One of them was a tall fellow with a bushy yellow mustache. Snape didn’t know him. But the other…

 _Fenrir Greyback_. _Well, it looks like I’m in luck_. Oddly enough, he didn’t feel especially fortunate.

Even in his human form, Greyback looked like a beast. His long arms were muscular and hairy, his chest – broad as a barrel. He looked a dangerous man. _Not a man. A creature_. Snape hated werewolves. _At least Lupin turns into an animal only once a month._  Fenrir Greyback however…

The Dark Lord both admired and detested his savagery. He was not worthy to be Marked, of course, one needed to be considered at least a human being for that, but that didn’t stop the Dark Lord from using Greyback to punish his enemies.

A sudden cry of pain demanded Severus’ attention and he saw that Fenrir had managed to bring his adversary down and was stomping on his torso with cruel glee. After he was satisfied, he grabbed the bloodied man by the throat and lifted him from the floor.

“Bite! Bite! Bite! BITE!” Severus heard shouts from the crowd. _Greyback is not the only werewolf here_.

Snape could see the terror in the defeated man’s face. He started begging for mercy. The werewolf snorted, spat on the ground and tossed him back on the floor. Then he kicked him in the face so hard that the poor sod was knocked out instantly.

Greyback spread his arms wide, his sweaty chest and muscles glistening in the grim cellar. “Anyone else?” he asked, his voice raspy and growling. He sounded like an animal who had learned to speak like a human but hadn’t yet forgotten the wild. Then his eyes met Severus’ and his nostrils flared. He smiled. “On second thought, I am finished for tonight. Someone get this sack o’shit out of here,” he nodded at the unconscious man who still lay in a puddle of his own blood.

 

Slowly, the crowd began to thin out. Severus waited a bit, then strode towards Fenrir who was taking a large swig from a bottle of firewhisky. He wiped his mouth with the outer side of his palm and looked at Severus.

“He was truly stupid, that one,” he said. “Had I bitten him now, all he would have gotten would be a liking for rare steak. Not worth the mouthwash,” he took another sip and laughed. “’Sides, I prefer more… tender meat. You don’t look familiar. What d’you want?”

Snape had done a great deal of thinking when it came to that. He had weaved a web of lies that was sure to fool the werewolf while he gently swindled him out of information. He opened his mouth, but just then Greyback interrupted him, “You know, there’s just one funny thing. You don’t look familiar… but your _smell_ says different.” Severus felt his face paling as terror gripped him by the neck. Greyback cocked his head sideways and grinned. His teeth were sharp and looked more like a canine’s fangs than anything human. “Hello, Snape,” he growled. “What brings you here this time?”

Severus forced himself to swallow the bile in his throat. _He doesn’t know I’m not with the Death Eaters anymore. If he did, he would have tore my throat out the minute he saw me. There is still a chance!_ He glanced around. They were completely alone now. “Well, Grayback,” he rumbled, trying to keep his composure. Everything depended on his ability to be a convincing liar. “It is prudent to hide oneself better these days. The damned Aurors are searching everywhere for us. I come on the Dark Lord’s behalf…”

 

Severus never even saw the bottle of firewhisky when it shattered against his temple. White stars erupted in front of his eyes. He tried to step back only to discover that he had already fallen on the hard floor. His ears were ringing. Something warm was trickling down his jaw and neck. Severus tried to get up, to reach for his wand, but before his dazed thoughts could reach his limbs, Fenrir Greyback drove his knee into his stomach and he gasped in pain.

Before he slipped into unconsciousness, Severus’ last thought was that he should have talked with Lily after all. 


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

**November 5, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

 

Harry and Draco were laughing and hooting as the toy broomstick made a sharp turn around their mothers. Mounted together, they were enjoying themselves like they didn’t have a care in the world. _Well, they don’t_ , Lily thought. Sometimes she envied her son about that. _Everything is so simple when you’re a child._

She remembered it well herself. _It was me and Sev, and we ever worried about was if Tuney would decide to be a grouch and spoil our games_. But as the years went by, everything became more complicated. Coming to Hogwarts was the first hurdle, when she and Sev were separated in two Houses that had a history of mutual enmity. Both of them had met other children, created other ties and in the end they found themselves on the opposite sides of a war.

Despite all the horror and the pain she had endured recently, a part of Lily was glad that Sev was back in her life. She had remembered how she had escaped from him a few days ago and had felt ashamed. She owed him _at least_ a conversation. _As soon as I see him, I’ll talk to him_ , she had promised herself last night. But today Sev was nowhere to be found in Hogwarts. Finally, Lily went and asked the Headmaster. Dumbledore seemed mildly surprised when Lily inquired about Sev and had admitted, with a certain eloquent reluctance, that he had left the castle. When Lily asked him why and where, he had only replied that it was on the Order’s behalf. And nothing else. _As if I’m not a member of the Order too!_

 

In some bizzare twist of fate, Lily was somewhat pacified by Narcissa’s company. The blonde was the only person in the whole castle who didn’t look at Lily with pity. They weren’t terribly cordial with each other, but both women managed do act civil enough and were willing to go into the neutral zone that their children inhabited when it came to conversations. _To be honest, it’s almost relaxing_.

Lily suspected that Narcissa herself felt the same way. Surrounded by the people she was used to think of as enemies, unaware of her husband’s whereabouts… she must have been glad to be able to just go and talk to someone about Draco.

 

For the first time in a week or so, the autumn sun had been almost fully freed from the dark shroud of the clouds and its rays were bathing the grounds outside Hogwarts.

“Harry, watch out!” Lily warned him as the toy broomstick swirled on its axis. Her son didn’t even pretend to pay her attention. He and Draco were too busy to enjoy themselves. To the toddlers, flying on the (not that fast, really) broomstick two feet above the ground was probably amazingly exciting. _He’s got James’ knack for flying, that’s certain_. Back home, the cat had began to hate the little boy, hissing at him whenever it saw him with the broomstick; to be honest, the animal was somewhat justified – Harry almost killed it once when he flew right into it after breaking Petunia’s vase. Lily had wondered what had happened to that cat. Three days ago, on James’ funeral in Godric’s Hollow, Dumbledore had assured her that he had placed wards around their cottage so their possessions would be safe and they would be free to return here after the war was finished. But he admitted that he never saw a cat in the house when Lily asked. _He probably ran away on Hallowe’en, poor thing_. Cats were somewhat sensitive around magic and didn’t like it when curses were flying around.

 _Stop it_ , she scolded herself. _Don’t think about the cat. It would only make you think of James. What use is that to anyone?_ Lily took a deep breath and composed herself. Harry needed his mother, not a snivelling widow.

“Boys will be boys,” Narcissa noted, tearing Lily away from her dark reverie.

“Huh?”

“I said, boys will be boys,” the blonde rolled her eyes slightly when she caught Lily’s absent-mindedness. “No use telling them to be careful, they won’t even hear us. They won’t watch out, so we just have to do it for them. I’m sure the broomstick is safe, anyway.”

“It is,” Lily admitted. “For them, at least. But unless we want Filch to give us detention, we should _never_ let them fly it inside the castle.”

Narcissa humphed. “I’ve never gotten detention with Filch.”

“Really? _Never?_ ”

“Never. As far as the teachers were concerned, I was the most tame Slytherin in history.”

“Come to think of it, yeah, I never heard about you getting in trouble wh… wait, _as far as the teachers were concerned?_ ”

Narcissa arched a pale eyebrow and smirked.

“Oh! Thank Merlin!” A faint voice exclaimed in the distance. The two witches turned their heads and saw Professor Slughorn walking briskly towards them.

For such a heavy-set man, and on his age, he moved quite swiftly. Apparently, that came with a price, because once he reached them, Lily saw that his face was flustered and he was panting heavily. _How long has he ran to get here?_

“L…Li…” he stammered.

“Yes, Horace, just breathe.”

“Li…” he tried again.

“Yes, yes, you just breathe and tell me once you can, alright?”

He waved a hand, irritated. “Lily…” he managed to say. “You must go see the Headmaster. He said it’s extremely important.”

Lily frowned and drove a hand through her red locks. _Since when does Dumbledore wants to share important things with me?_ If anything, he had made sure to keep her away from the Order’s affairs ever since she came to Hogwarts. Then it dawned on her. _Sev, it must be about Sev. Oh, God, I hope he’s okay…_ Lily wasn’t sure if she would bear it if Sev had died on her too.

Lily cast a look towards Harry. He and Draco were still laughing atop the toy broomstick. He was having so much fun… _If I drag him away now, he’ll never let me have a serious conversation with Dumbledore_. Lily loved her baby boy, but he could be just as pig-headed as James was if he put his mind to it and was way too young to have any meaningful self-discipline. Apparently, her thoughts were written plain on her face because Narcissa said, “Go to Dumbledore, Potter. I’ll watch the boys until you get back.”

Lily wasn’t completely convinced, but then Slughorn added, “Yes, Lily, go. I’ll stay and help Mrs. Malfoy.”

“Okay,” she sighed. “I won’t take long,” she promised and headed towards the castle.

 

The trek seemed to take forever. _PleaseletSevbeokay, pleaseletSevbeokay, pleaseletSevbeokay_ , she chanted in her mind while she ran up the stairs towards the Headmaster’s Tower. She almost blurted _that_ out in front of the gargoyle guarding the Office.

Once she went in, Lily found Albus Dumbledore sitting in front of his desk. He was writing a letter and raised his bright blue eyes to look at her.

“Lily,” he said, with a questioning frown of his white eyebrows. “What can I do for you, my dear?”

It was Lily’s turn to frown. “What do you mean? You _asked_ for me to come!”

Dumbledore leaned back on his chair. “I assure you, dear Lily, I did not. Not that I don’t enjoy you visiting, of course I do, but I didn’t ask for it.”

“Is this some twisted joke?!”

“Lily, what on Earth is the matter? I do not understand.”

“Is it so bad that you now have to pretend?”

“Is _what_ so bad?”

“Sev!” she all but shrieked. “What has happened to Sev?!”

Dumbledore frowned and removed his glasses from his bony nose. “Lily, we talked about Severus this morning. I told you he’s on a mission for the Order. Nothing has happened to him. In fact, I expect he’ll return here tonight.”

Lily took a deep breath, fighting with the urge to start pulling her own hair. “Then why did you want to see me?” she asked slowly.

“My dear, how many times must I repeat myself? _I did not ask for you to come_. Who told you otherwise?”

“Ho… Professor Slughorn.”

“Really? That’s… odd.”

“What is?”

“Well, I last saw Horace at lunch. I noticed he ate much less than usual, but we didn’t speak with each other. I haven’t seen him since. I have no idea why he wanted to send you here.”

 

Lily was extremely confused when she left the Headmaster’s office. She slowly made her way back to the lawn where she had left Harry with the Malfoys and Slughorn. _What was Horace playing at?_ _If this was his idea of a joke, it was NOT funny._ Despite being raised to respect her elders, especially if they were also her teachers, Lily was going to give the old walrus a piece of her mind…

 

She realized something was wrong long before she reached the place. It was a bad feeling, almost like a physical weight in her stomach. Lily began to run.

 

She heard the child’s hysterical cries first. Draco was sitting on the ground, crying as loudly as his little lungs allowed him. He was staring at the body of his mother with watery eyes.

 

Narcissa Malfoy was on her back, her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted. Her blonde hair had spilled from the updo she usually wore. One glance assured Lily that she was alive – her chest was rising and falling heavily – just unconscious.

 

The toy broomstick lay forgotten in the grass.

 

Horace Slughorn was nowhere to be seen.

 

And neither was Harry.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**November 5, 1981, Knockturn Alley**

 

 

Severus immediately regretted it when he woke up. His head was throbbing with pain. _Fuck me backwards… What happened?_ Then he remembered. _Snivellus, you are the worst dunderhead in the history of mankind_.

 

Fenrir Greyback had known all along. _Of course_ he had known.

And now Severus was sitting tied hand and foot to a chair. Strands of greasy black hair fell in front of his eyes and he realized that the polyjuice potion had ceased to affect him. _I must have been out for two hours at least, then, maybe three_. He forced himself to ignore the awful headache and tried to think. _If I don’t return to Hogwarts by nightfall, Dumbledore will know that something went wrong. He knows I was in Knockturn Alley_. The Headmaster, however, had no clue where _exactly_ Snape was or who he met. _I bet he doesn’t even have an idea that Fenrir has his little fight club here_. Still, Dumbledore was resourceful. If he wanted to find Severus, he would. The real question was whether he’d bother or he’d just shrug him off as a casualty in the name of the greater good. _I’m his spy, he needs me!_ But a small, traitorous voice in his mind whispered, _You were his spy. Now that you’ve revealed yourself, you’re not nearly as useful to the old man_. And besides, all this was pointless; for all Severus knew, Greyback would come and snap his neck minutes from now.

 _Or not. If he wanted to kill me, I wouldn’t have woken at all._ Of course, that might mean that the werewolf wanted to torture him first, and that was not something Severus would put past Fenrir Greyback, but Snape had a pretty confident suspicion of his captor’s intentions. _He’s going to give me up to the Dark Lord. He must expect a prize_. And if that was true, Severus probably had still some time to think of a way to get out of here.

 

His first thought was to apparate somewhere far away from Knockturn Alley. Nothing happened. _Damn that werewolf! He must have put wards!_  

Since his hands were tied behind the chair’s back, Severus also tried to use a bit of wandless magic to free himself. It was no use. His head was hurting so bad that he had trouble focusing his vision. _I’m defenseless_ , he realized with dread.

He looked around. He wasn’t in the round cellar where the earlier fight had taken place. _It must be some adjacent room, below the street_. There were no windows on the walls, only a door; Severus thought that there was a fireplace as well, but he couldn’t be confident in the dark. In other words, there was no point shouting for help. _The only one who’ll hear me is the werewolf. And it’s not like the denizens of Knockturn Alley will rush to my rescue anyway_.

Severus’ eyes darted towards the fireplace once more. _Yes, it’s there,_ _alright_. What were the odds that it was connected to the Floo Network? Relatively slim, he decided. The Ministry monitored Floo travel – or at least they tried to – and, as a rule, men like Greyback wanted to stay well out of their way. _Besides, I lack both fire and Floo powder_. _It would seem I’m trapped_.

All that Severus could do was wait.

 

Before long he heard steps, then the door creaked and opened, and Snape dimly recognized the shape of Greyback as he walked into the room.

“Awake, I see,” the werewolf drawled. “Just as well. They’ll arrive any moment now.”

“Who will?”

“Try and guess. Give you a hint – it’s not the house elves with your supper in hand.”

“So you’ve already told the Dark Lord about me?”

“As a matter of fact…” But before Greyback could finish, the room was filled with a flurry of glow and sound, as if a thousand howling colors swirled up in a fraction of a second. Strange shadows danced and flickered on the walls and Severus averted his eyes, squinting in discomfort.

It was over as suddenly as it began.

Severus looked up. Oddly enough, he had to suppress the urge to smirk at the irony of it all. _I jumped right into their hands. And to think I always considered my cleverness to be my best trait. I’m just a bloody idiot_. His life was one moronic blunder after another. _Driving Lily away. Joining the Dark Lord. Telling him about the prophecy. Becoming the old man’s pawn. And now this. Well, it’s apt, in a way._

 

Snape and Greyback were no longer alone in the dark room. Now Severus was face to face with Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange. Lucius carefully placed a single tea cup on the floor. _A portkey. Of course._ The house was warded against apparation and it was too risky to travel through Floo. _But portkeys are easy to make, and harder to trace_.

It was Lucius who spoke first, turning to the werewolf, “What is this, Greyback?”

“I’m sure you know him,” Fenrir’s craggy face twisted into a grin. “Consider him a bonus.”

Bellatrix approached Severus, a line forming between her thin, frowning eyebrows. She was a beautiful woman, tall and slender like her sister Narcissa, with thick dark hair styled in almost Byzantine magnificence that contrasted prettily with her fair skin; and yet there was _something_ in her tenebrous eyes, a malevolent glint, a glimpse of the horror inside, that had always made Severus feel nervous in her presence. He knew she was dangerous. Ever since she married Rodolphus Lestrange, the two of them, along with his younger brother Rabastan, had claimed a frightening infamy, even among the other Death Eaters. They were sadistic and homicidal, and they adored the Cruciatus Curse. They had tortured scores of wizards and witches… and Merlin alone knew how many muggles. And they were fanatically loyal to the Dark Lord.

“Severus…” she purred when she leaned so close to him that they could almost kiss. “I am so glad to see you.” He strained himself now, desperately trying to pull the ropes. It was to no avail. “Hush, now,” she scolded him playfully as her hand gripped his jaw with frightening force. “We’ll leave soon enough. The Dark Lord will be so pleased with me when I bring you before him along with the boy…”

“Boy?” he croaked, confused.

“Shut your mouth, damn you,” Lucius hissed at her indignantly. Bellatrix shot him an evil look, but said nothing more as she disentangled herself away from Severus. “Where is he? He was supposed to be here already,” Lucius asked Greyback.

“He’ll be here,” the werewolf said.

 _What is going on? What boy?_ Then it dawned on him and his mind froze in terror. _The boy… They’re talking about Lily’s son. No! No! No, she’s safe, she’s at Hogwarts, they cannot touch her there!_ Had all been in vain? _No, no, she’s not dead, she can’t be dead!_ _It’s a mistake, they’re wrong!_ His heart was fluttering madly in his chest.

“He’d better be,” Lucius muttered darkly, driving a gloved hand to straighten his long, white-blond hair. “We can’t delay, Greyback. The Dark Lord is getting restless.”

“I’m telling you, Malfoy, he’ll be here. ‘Tis not an easy feat, to smuggle in and out of that castle, with a baby in tow, and in broad daylight!”

“Let’s hope he’ll prove to be as resourceful as the Dark Lord believes him to be, then.”

“ _I_ should have been chosen,” Bellatrix said, clearly miffed. “None of you is more loyal to him than me!”

Fenrir Greyback said nothing, but Lucius glared at her. “You seem to forget, my dear Bella, that the Ministry is looking everywhere for that pretty face of yours. He could go to places you couldn’t, without any risk of raising suspicion.”

Bellatrix rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to retort, but then the door opened again and another man entered the room.

 

Severus was so surprised that he couldn’t even gasp with shock. He simply stared at him, utterly bewildered. _Him?_

Bartemius Crouch Jr. stood there, a triumphant smirk on his freckled face. Yesterday, in the Headmaster’s office he had seemed meek and subservient to his father, but now he stood straight and confident, his eyes gleaming eerily.

“Lucius, Bellatrix, Fenrir,” he nodded at the others, then turned to the tied Snape and chuckled with amusement. “Severus. And what are _you_ doing here?”

Severus didn’t even register the question. All his attention was fixed on the child in Crouch’s arms. It had James Potter’s black hair and Lily’s bright green eyes. It _looked_ as if it was crying, but no sound came from the tiny mouth. _Crouch must have put him under the Silencing Charm_ , he thought. Suddenly all he could feel was emptiness, a dark and bottomless chasm that engulfed his soul. _Lily defied the Dark Lord to protect the boy. She would never flinch from Barty Crouch_. _And if he’s here, then… She’s dead_. Dead, she was dead. Gone. After everything he’d done to save her, Severus had finally failed her in full.

 

A part of him was aware that his former allies were speaking with each other. He could hear the sounds coming out of their mouths, but his mind didn’t bother to comprehend to the words. It was something about Slughorn, and the Imperius, and polyjuice potion… _Rambling, all rambling._ His mind was preoccupied with one thought, and one thought alone. _Crouch will die screaming._ Nothing else mattered anymore. Lily was gone. Severus was sure that soon enough he’d be dead too. But before he was finished, he’d do _that pox-faced, smug, inbred piece of Death Eater filth in!_

 

All thoughts escaped from Severus’ mind. Suddenly, without any warning, as he sat slacked and bound in the chair, he swung himself sideways with savage force. He fell and landed right on the teacup portkey. The sound of breaking porcelain was almost as satisfying as Bellatrix’s yelp of surprise. Even better, he felt that one of the legs of the chair was now broken and he was free to move his foot.

And then the ceiling crashed down.

 

Most of the bricks fell right on Fenrir Greyback’s head. He reeled and went down. Crouch, Lucius and Bellatrix managed to jump away from the danger… but for those brief seconds they had forgotten all about Severus. He swung his free leg forward in a blind, vicious kick. The soft _thud!_ of boot meeting shin made him grin with glee. Bella stumbled sideways, her balance broken.

 

Something was roaring and thundering, and a ray of bright light pierced the darkness from above. _Is that a… motorcycle?_ Snape had managed to loosen the rope enough to stand. He turned his head to look at the hole in the ceiling. The light above was almost blinding, but he thought he could indeed make out the shape of wheels. _What is a motorcycle doing here?_

Then someone jumped down. Snape could recognize that man anywhere, though never before had the sight of him been welcome. _Sirius Black. Has the Order arrived? They must have chased Crouch down._

 

Lucius swore silently and drew his wand from its scabbard inside his cane and made to curse the intruder but Black was faster and surprise was on his side.

“ _Stupefy!_ ” he roared and a beam of red light sent Malfoy flying right into a wall. He crumpled down on the floor.

Bellatrix shrieked in fury and shot a Killing Curse at Black. He swung sideways, nimbly avoiding the swirling green ray, and replied with a sloppily aimed _Incarcerous_ that managed only to bind one of his cousin’s arms. It was enough. Black sharply yanked his wand backwards, causing Bellatrix Lestrange to trip in her own robes. She slashed her wand into the air and a fiery cord cut through Black’s charmed rope.

Bellatrix was completely focused on Sirius. She didn’t even have a chance to defend herself when Severus tackled her on the floor. Normally, he preferred to overcome his enemies with spells, but desperate times called for desperate measures. He grabbed her right hand and _twisted_ , forcing her to cry out and drop the wand.

 

“STOP!” Barty Crouch’s voice echoed through Bellatrix’s cry of pain and the roar of the motorcycle above them.

Severus turned his head sharply. The son of the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was cradling Lily’s baby in one arm. With his other hand, he gripped his wand and had put the point against the child’s forehead.

“Either of you make _one_ more move,” he snarled, “and I’ll _Expulso_ the little bugger’s head off!”

Sirius froze in place, as if he noticed the baby for the first time. “Harry?! What…” The once-proud-to-be -Gryffindor composed himself as swiftly as a Slytherin. “If you harm Harry, I’ll swear, I’ll…”

“Shut up, you blood traitor!” Bellatrix shouted from the floor, coiling like a viper in Snape’s hold.

Suddenly, Severus realized that there was no cavalry coming. _Bloody hell, Black has come alone! The fucking idiot!_

Still struggling with Lestrange, Severus realized that there was only one thing to be done. _One chance, and one chance only_. He locked eyes with Crouch and whispered, “ _Legilimens!_ ”

He was without a wand, the splitting headache, the motorcycle’s rumbling engine above and the writhing of Bellatrix in his arms were nothing but distractions… He should not have been able to do it, but, somehow, he did. Snape could sense his own consciousness lurching forward like an invisible bullet, fast and accurate as a thought. For a heartbeat he ceased to feel like a single person; he was the man kneeling over Bellatrix on the floor, and he was also the spelled tendril of his own mind flying towards Barty Crouch.

And then he was Barty Crouch as well.

 

The young man’s consciousness was a vortex of hatred. Severus felt like he had fallen into a black river, and he could recognize all the different currents. He had expected that the resentment towards his father would be Junior’s strongest hate-flow, but he was wrong. Oh, it was there, and it was powerful, that much was true. But there was one person who Barty Crouch hated more than his father.

Himself.

Scenes flashed in front of Severus’ mind eye, images moving in the ink. A small boy crying himself to sleep. Crouch Sr. glaring at his, now much older, son with cold, uncaring eyes. The same small boy from before, waiting alone for the Hogwarts Express. The Dark Lord’s pale lips twisting in a smile. A girl with a Hufflepuff scarf screaming under the Cruciatus. The small boy and his mother sitting quietly in front of a dinner table, staring at an empty chair. Narcissa Malfoy flying backwards after she was hit with the Stunning Charm, while two toddlers screamed in fright. The Dark Mark twisting under a young man’s skin. Crouch Sr. nodding absent-mindedly after he was presented with a paper that contained a confirmation that his son had passed successfully twelve O.W.L.s.

All those scenes appeared for a mere fraction of the second. And almost all of them were dripping with the unmistakable sour tinge of self-loathing. _I know that taste well._ Crouch seemed pleased only when his memories and thoughts involved the Dark Lord. _He’s as crazy as Bellatrix,_ Snape thought blankly.

 

The important thing was that the spell worked. Severus pierced Crouch’s mind, and didn’t even try to be subtle about it. He was good at this. When you were forced to become a double agent under the Dark Lord’s nose, being good at occlumency was nothing more than necessity. Severus could conceal thoughts and shield his emotions, and in turn was fully able to penetrate other people’s minds without them ever noticing, pulling his mind’s punches. Now, however, was time to be loud and brutal.

When one was targeted with the Legilimens spell, he could feel the intruder inside his mind. The presence was alien and unpleasant, your own brain prickling with discomfort. An experienced legilimens could sneak in in a way that the victim sometimes never noticed; now Severus did the exact opposite. He dug his claws into Barty Crouch’s mind like an invisible predator.

 

It worked like a wonder. One moment Crouch stood there, ready to kill Lily’s son. The next, he grunted, squeezed his eyes shut and stumbled back. That was all that was needed.

“ _Expelliarmus!_ ” Sirius Black shouted and disarmed Crouch in the blink of an eye. In the same moment Severus left the young man’s consciousness, gaining another second or two while he was shaking his head, trying to recover from the confusion.

Snape leapt on his feet and grabbed the little boy from Barty’s arms.

“Snape!” Black roared. “ _Duck!_ ” For the first time in his life, Severus obeyed him without even a thought of argument and quickly crouched down. “ _Confringo!_ ”

Barty Crouch barely managed to jump away from the fireball that crashed in the wall behind him.

Severus raised his head, only to see Bellatrix scrambling on the floor to get her wand back. Severus made for it as well, but the baby in his arms was squirming madly and slowed him down. She reached the wand and immediately pointed it towards Severus.

“The Dark Lord wants to kill you _and_ the boy himself,” she declared. “But I think he’ll forgive me if I do it for him. _Avada Kedavra!_ ”

Severus shielded the baby with his body and tensed up, prepared to die… But a dozen bricks flew right in front of the jet of lethal jade light and exploded in a cloud of white mortar and green smoke. Bellatrix Leastrange turned savagely to Black who promptly Stunned her.

 

Snape looked around. It seemed like hours had passed, but he knew that in less than three minutes he and Black had managed to take down four Death Eaters. _And we saved Lily’s child. Oh, Lily, my Lily…_ His heart felt frayed and raw.

“What are you standing there for, Snivellus?!” Black cried. “Come on! Let’s get out! You got Harry?”

“Y-yes. I got him.”

Black nodded and ran out of the room. Severus followed him, cradling the baby in his arms. He heard muttered curses behind him and turned his head. He saw Barty Crouch trying to get back on his feet, his robes smouldering. Just beneath the gap in the ceiling, Fenrir Greyback started to move from under the rubble that had felled him.

 

Severus and Sirius ran into the large, round cellar where Greyback held his fights. A ray of crackling orange flame flew past them. Black turned and sent a series of battle hexes in its direction. The two of them reached the low hallway that led to the stairs and Knockturn Alley above. The hallway was completely submerged in darkness. Behind them they heard the echo of footsteps. Suddenly, the blackness was illuminated by a green flare that pierced the wall right next to Black, then everything went dark again. Black swore under his breath and turned again, but it was impossible to aim properly. The brief scarlet glow of the Stunner he sent didn’t hit anyone but revealed that Crouch and Greyback had entered the hallway and were advancing towards the two runaways with wands drawn. Lily’s son had ceased to fight against Severus. He held the tiny child close and could feel the mad thumping of his heart. _He’s terrified. I must save him, for Lily’s sake._ If they could only manage to get out of that accursed house and its anti-apparation wards…

Finally, they reached the steep stairs.

“Go,” Black said. “I dispatched the doorman on my way in. We have to get Harry back to Ho…” He cried out in pain as thin cord of silvery light shot past him and cut his shoulder. Black hissed and pressed a hand to the wound. “Go!” he roared.

More curses flew past their heads as they ran up. Black had turned and was climbing backwards, casting one Shield Charm after another. Some of the curses were ricocheting to the walls and the ceiling, causing clouds of mortar and dust to swirl in the air all around them.

 

Severus saw dim, almost grey glow up ahead. The door was ajar and the light of the day above was shining through the antechamber. _Few more steps, just few more steps…_ He jumped over the last one, and ran towards the door. He turned his head to see if Black was behind. Unfortunately, that caused him to lose his balance and he stumbled backwards, desperately trying not to fall.

He saw Fenrir Greyback pointing his wand at them and growling in satisfaction as the beam of the Killing Curse shot straight towards Severus and Lily’s child. _No…_

 

"HARRY!" Sirius Black cried and hurled himself in front of them. The jet of green light hit him right in the chest and he flew back like a rag doll, falling face-first just next to the threshold.

 

Severus didn’t hesitate. He swooped down, took Black’s wand from his lifeless fingers and swirled back.

“ _Sectusempra!_ ” he roared.

The spell hit Greyback hard. He howled with pain as a fountain of crimson blood erupted from his chest.

Snape ignored him and ran out, jumping over Black’s body.

Barty Crouch let out a cry full of rage and threw himself after him.

 

The cold wind hit Severus’ face and tousled his black hair. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and disapparated. He never noticed Crouch’s hands clutching at his mantle.

 

Severus opened his eyes and saw the towers of Hogwarts, standing tall against the stark sky. _I made it. I made it._ He had managed to apparate just outside the Gatehouse – any closer and the spell just couldn’t have worked. _Hagrid’s hut is nearby. I made it._

The child in his arms squirmed, attracting his attention. He raised Black’s wand and whispered, “ _Finite Incantatem!_ ”, removing Crouch’s Silencing Charm. The toddler’s whine echoed around the castle grounds.

Severus made to move forward and felt something falling on the grass behind him with a wet _thud._

 

He turned around.

 

Barty Crouch’s eyes were staring up at him. There was no life in them. A trickle of blood was slowly dribbling from his mouth. He had managed to grab at Severus just as he apparated. _Foolish, Crouch. Very foolish_.

 

The young Death Eater had gotten himself splinched. And now only the upper part of his body lay on the cold grass.

 

Snape turned and started walking towards the castle. It was time for answers. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**November 5, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

 

“ _I don’t_ _care!_ ” Lily shouted. Dumbledore flinched in his chair. “ _I won’t sit here!_ ”

“Lily, please,” Minerva McGonagall said placatingly, “Calm down. We are doing everything we can.”

Lily ignored her old Head of House, piercing the Headmaster with a murderous glare. “You said he’ll be safe here,” she hissed. “Not a week passes and my son is kidnapped. By one of your own staff. And now you want me to trust you again. No, _Professor_ , it’s not gonna happen.”

“My dear, please be reasonable,” he said weakly but was interrupted by a loud crackling in the fireplace.

They turned to see the flames swooshing green. A moment later Bartemius Crouch Sr. strode into the Headmaster’s Office. Lily hadn’t seen him in months but even she could notice that something was very wrong. Normally, the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was very prim and proper, even somewhat stiff. Now his grey hair was disheveled and his face was almost purple. He was dragging a man behind him. It was…

“YOU!” Lily shrieked and reached for her wand, fully intent to eviscerate Horace Slughorn.

“Lily, wait!” McGonagall grabbed her hand. “Don’t do something you’ll regret!”

Crouch let go of Slughorn who stumbled and reeled on his feet. His clothes looked awfully tight, as if the garments he wore were made for a much slimmer man. _These are not the same clothes he wore few hours ago. What is going on?_

“What is the meaning of _this_ , Albus?” Crouch growled. “Where is my son?”

“Barty… I…” Dumbledore seemed honestly befuddled, his blue eyes wide and confused.

“Less than half an hour ago I went to my son’s office in the Ministry,” Crouch Sr. was seething, barely keeping his temper in check. “And as we talked, he _transformed_ into your Potions Master before my eyes. So I ask again, what is the meaning of this? Are you spying on me? _Me?_ _Where is my son, Dumbledore?!_ ”

The Headmaster’s face was twisting with something that Lily was sorely tempted to call panic.

“Barty,” he said softly, his voice deceptively calm. “Please, explain yourself. I saw your son yesterday, when you both came to speak with Mrs. Malfoy, you know that. He went to the Dungeons to see Horace…” Dumbledore’s tone trailed off and he looked keenly at Slughorn. The Potions Master had sat on one of the chair in front of Albus’ desk. He looked dazed, as if he was drunk. His beady eyes were unfocused and his lower lip was quivering beneath his mustache.

“Horace,” Dumbledore said, “care to tell me what is going on? Where is young Barty Crouch? And Harry Potter?”

Crouch Sr. turned his head sharply when he heard that, but he said nothing.

“I… I don’t know,” Slughorn whispered. “Don’t… don’t remember… Mind feels like fog… Harry? I don’t know… What happened with Harry? I don’t… I’m not sure… I…”

“Look at me, Horace,” Dumbledore said. His voice was gentle but everyone heard the order beneath. Slughorn complied. “Try to relax your consciousness. I am going to use occlumency on you,” the Headmaster stated matter-of-factly, and before the Potions Master could say anything, his eyes shone like two twin polar stars, icy blue and determined.

A mere moment later Dumbledore averted his gaze and slumped on his chair.

“Albus?” McGonagall asked hesitantly when the Headmaster didn’t spoke. He sighed and rested his bearded face behind his palm, his eyes closed.

“What I found out is not going to make any of you any happier,” he said quietly. “Lily,” he looked at her. “Harry was not abducted by Horace. You were supposed to jump to that conclusion, of course, but the kidnapper’s appearance was merely a diversion.”

“But… I don’t understand,” Lily protested. “I saw him!” she pointed at Slughorn. “ _He_ came to me and sent me here to get me away from him!”

“I’m afraid not, my dear. _Someone_ came and sent you to me, but it wasn’t Horace.” The Headmaster sighed again and his shoulders slumped even more. “Barty… I don’t know _where_ your son is, but what I found out… I must warn you…”

“Out with it, Dumbledore!” Crouch all but shouted. “Or I swear to Merlin, I will close this school and throw you in Azkaban!”

“Very well. Yesterday, your son did not come here to help you with your job or to visit his old Head of House.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Barty, I fear that your son may be in league with Voldemort.”

“WHAT?!” Crouch Sr. roared. “HOW _DARE_ YOU! I’LL…”

“Yesterday he attacked Horace in his office. He used the Imperius Curse on him. He also had with him some unfinished polyjuice potion that he had shrinked and smuggled here without your knowledge. He used the equipment in the dungeons to finish and prepare two batches. One for himself and one for Horace. Horace was sent back to the Ministry in Barty’s guise under the influence of the Imperius, while Barty himself took Horace’s place here.”

“This is preposterous!” the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement declared hotly. “Do you really expect me to believe this farce?!”

“I saw it in Horace’s mind. If you doubt me and my word, my friend, I have a pensive here and we both can look into his memories. Or you could order for him to be administered Veritaserum. I trust, Horace, that you would be understanding if the need arises.”

Slughorn nodded weakly. Lily doubted that in his current condition he understood much of what was discussed in front of him.

Crouch Sr. started pacing around the Headmaster’s office. “But _why_?!” he barked. “Why would Barty do that?”

“Here,” Dumbledore said, “comes what happened with Lily. Not two hours ago, her baby boy was abducted from Hogwarts. Clues pointed towards Horace,” he looked back at the Potions Master, “but it’s now clear that it was young Barty’s work. Alas, we still have no idea where Harry is…”

Crouch Sr. was almost shaking. “Dumbledore,” he hissed. “Where. Is. My. Son?”

Then a dark, velvety voice drawled, “Is the moment appropriate or shoud I come back later?”

 

All eyes in the Headmaster’s office darted towards the threshold. _Sev?_ And in his arms…

“HARRY!” Lily cried and ran towards Sev, blind and deaf to everything else.

Her baby squealed happily when he heard her voice and a second later she was holding him in her arms. She was laughing with relief and happines, and yet her eyes were misty and she felt warm tears trickling down her cheeks. _I feel so light I can just fly…_ It was as if an enormous burden had fallen from her soul.

“Oh, Harry, sweetie,” she almost choked with emotion, “I was so worried…”

“It’s… Uh… It’s okay, Lily. He’s fine.”

Lily looked up and for the first time in five years she met Sev’s obsidian-black eyes. His face looked impassive and devoid of emotion.

“ _Thank you…_ ” she whispered, unsure if she could trust herself not to start bawling in front of the Headmaster, her former Head of House and the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. _He’s safe, my child is safe. And Sev… Sev…_

“Lily…” Sev said, softly and hesitantly, “Could we talk? Later, I mean. Obviously, after you and the boy rest up. There is… a lot I…”

“Yes,” she promised him. “We need to. I’m sorry I ran from you before.”

Sev nodded. Lily knew that most people found him to be emotionless and cold-hearted. That was far from the truth, but he _had_ learned to hide his feelings at an early age. _I’m probably the only person he’s ever opened up to._ So, even now – five years later, she could see plainly the relief that was seeping from beneath his curt nod and the blank expression on his face. _That’s just his way of defending himself. He pretends to be aloof and rude, so nobody can see the boy from Spinner’s End he used to be._

“I have to go to the Hospital Wing. I’ll check up on Narcissa. She got hurt trying to protect Harry. Draco will need a friendly face. Then I’ll put Harry to sleep. You can come if you want?”

His eyebrows arched when she mentioned Narcissa but he didn’t comment on it. Instead he shook his head and said, “I… I need to speak with him first,” he nodded towards Dumbledore who was still staring at them with a mixture of shock and curiosity in his eyes. “A lot… happened, Lily. And the only good thing that came out of it all is that your boy is safe.”

Lily knew that what he said was important but she couldn’t care because Harry had just grabbed a lock of her coppery hair with his tiny fingers and was cooing and giggling softly with the pure happiness of little children who are close to their beloved mothers. _There would be time to care about all that later._

So she just left the Headmaster’s office, turning only to give Sev quick directions to her room after he was finished. _Let them have their war,_ she thought, _I have my baby and that’s all that matters_.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**November 5, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

 

Sev came to her almost two hours later.

 

Harry had fallen asleep in his crib and Lily was just standing there, looking over him. _He’s here, he’s safe._ She felt like she needed to keep watch over Harry, just to be reassured that everything was fine. _He looks so small and peaceful._

 

Narcissa had awoken by the time Lily arrived at the Hospital Wing and was under constant assault from Draco who had cuddled next to her and refused to leave her side. When she saw Harry in Lily’s arms, she had taken a deep breath, shaking her head in disbelief.

“He’s safe?” she had asked. “What happened?”

“Sev brought him back. I… I’m not yet sure exactly how. We’re gonna meet and talk later.”

“So they’ve got Slughorn? Good.” Narcissa’s voice had been cold and full of resentment.

Lily had hesitated then but decided to dive ahead. “They think that it wasn’t Slughorn. That it was Barty Crouch Jr. in disguise.”

Narcissa had frowned at that. Lily had thought that she was going to declare this an utter stupidity much like Crouch Sr. had but she said nothing.

“Narcissa,” Lily had lowered her voice. “Is Barty Crouch a Death Eater?”

The blonde woman had averted her eyes. “Lucius… Lucius wouldn’t want me to talk about this…”

“They took away my son!” Lily had cried and, to Narcissa’s credit, she didn’t look away or try to flinch from the redhead’s ire.

“I know,” she had whispered. “I… I don’t _know_ if Crouch is with the Dark Lord or not. They… most of them keep their identities in secret. Lucius might know more but we never talk about it. However…”

“What?” Lily had asked when she saw the other woman hesitating.

“Well, it would explain everything.”

“What everything?”

“For starters, the reason why Lucius told me to stay in the Manor while everyone else fled.”

Lily had frowned. “What exactly happened, Narcissa? Tell me the truth!”

“I didn’t realize it back then,” the blonde had explained. “I thought he meant to protect me somehow. But now I wonder… Did the Dark Lord manage to deduce that Dumbledore will take me here? And that that would give Crouch an excuse to come here, pretending to be helping his father?” Narcissa had shrugged. “In any case, it explains a lot.”

Lily had remained silent after that, pondering over Narcissa’s words. Was it really possible? The implications of Narcissa’s words were frightening. If she was correct, it meant that Lily had woefully underestimated the danger Harry was in. Two times in a row she had believed that they were safe, and two times in a row she had been proven wrong. _The first time cost me James. The second almost cost me Harry as well._ Lily hated to admit it, but things were beginning to move way beyond her depth and control. She had to step up if she wanted to keep her baby boy safe. _No more oblivious faith in other people._

Right now there was only one person in Hogwarts she felt she could trust, and that wasn’t the Headmaster.

 

So when Sev finally arrived she had already reached a certain decision.

 

When he knocked softly on the door and she opened, Lily was dismayed to see how crushingly tired he looked. And on his left cheek and temple… _Is that dried blood?_ She had been unable to see any of it earlier – all her attention had been on Harry. But now, when she was calm and a little rested… _How is he even standing?_ Sev’s face was lined and haggard, his eyes were dim and had sunk deep beneath his black eyebrows, framed by dark bags. His hair was disheveled, and he was barely keeping his shoulders from slumping down.

“Oh, Sev…” she murmured as she ushered him inside, “What happened to you? You look terrible.”

For a brief, fleeting moment, Sev’s exhausted eyes flashed with amusement. “I’m glad to see you too, Lily,” he sneered.

She couldn’t help it anymore. She threw herself at Sev and hugged him fiercely. He flinched for a moment, hesitating, then she felt his thin arms embracing her. Lily never noticed when the tears began to trickle from her eyes. She wasn’t even sure what she was crying over. She never cried at James’ funeral, refusing to be weak. She didn’t cry when Harry was kidnapped either, instead all she had felt was rage and determination. But now… now, when Sev was back, she could allow herself some brief moments of vulnerability.

“It’s… It’s fine, Lily,” he mumbled, obviously uncertain what to do or say. “Your son is okay, don’t worry.”

She clutched his shirt, trying to ease her heaving and compose herself.

Eventually she calmed down. She took a deep breath and looked up at him. Something in his eyes made her feel a bit shy all of a sudden.

“Lily…” Sev murmured, “I… I thought I lost you.”

She frowned, not really understanding what he meant. “Lost me? What do you mean?”

He let her go and went to sit in one of the armchairs that were standing in front of the fireplace. Once he did, he let out a soft groan, as if he was in pain. “How much do you know?”

Lily went to the other chair and said, “Only that Harry was apparently kidnapped by Barty Crouch’s son. He impersonated Horace Slughorn. Sev… Is it true? And how did you find him? And where were you? I looked for you, but Dumbledore said you’re gone on a mission, and…”

The chuckle he let out quickly turned into a soft cough. Worried, Lily started to get up in order to get him some water, but he waved dismissively, “It’s fine, Lily, don’t worry. I’m just tired, is all.”

“Sev, what _happened?_ ”

He sighed. “Yes, it’s true. Your son was abducted by Crouch Jr.”

She leaned against the back of the armchair and let her eyes wander towards the fireplace. The glow of the dancing flames was soothing. “So it’s true, even Hogwarts is not safe from them,” she mused.

“No,” Sev admitted. “It’s not. Though I doubt that Dumbledore will make another blunder.”

Lily hesitated for a moment. “I don’t trust him,” she declared.

He gave her a careful look. “He doesn’t mean you or the boy any harm, Lily,” he said. “He’s not going to betray you, if that’s what you fear.”

“I suppose not,” she shrugged, “but he doesn’t really _care_ , does he? I saw the way he acts and thinks, Sev, clear as day. His intentions may not be bad on purpose, but all he cares about is winning the war. Casualties don’t mean much to him. I can’t trust such a man with my baby’s safety.” She gave Sev a questioning look, “Do you disagree?”

Sev was silent for a moment. “No, I don’t,” he sighed. “Everything you said… that has been on my mind as well.”

“What was that mission that he mention you were on? And how did it happen that you came back with Harry? What happened to Crouch?”

Sev arched an eyebrow. “Dumbledore won’t be pleased if I told you.”

Lily frowned. “So? You don’t trust him. Me neither. But I trust _you_ , Sev. You were my best friend. You saved my life and Harry’s too, twice. Maybe it’s time for you to start trusting me as well.”

In an instant his face became expressionless. It was as if all emotion left his eyes. _What? Why did he retreat? Did I say something wrong?_ Moments later, Sev regained his composure and cleared his throat.

“Yes,” he said. “Maybe it’s time. But I warn you, if you want to know everything, you won’t be happy to hear some of it.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t had many occasions to be happy lately anyway.”

“Very well. Dumbledore sent me to Knockturn Alley today. I was in disguise and was supposed to look for stray Death Eaters or accomplices of theirs who might know what the Dark Lord is planning. Ever since the Order raided Malfoy Manor and took Narcissa and Draco captive, nobody had heard anything. Dumbledore hated the idea of being in the dark.” Sev averted his eyes towards the fire. “Long story short, I mucked up and got myself captured by Fenrir Greyback.”

Lily’s eyes widened. “Wait, I… I _know_ that name. That’s… that’s the werewolf who bit Remus. He told me once. He was still a child,” she whispered.

Sev shrugged. “Greyback is not a nice fellow. He’s not a Death Eater, but the Dark Lord uses his… services sometimes.”

“Services,” Lily parroted. “Meaning what? Killing people?” For a brief moment Lily remembered that Sev had once consorted with these men. _No. He turned back. He saved me. He saved Harry._

“Yes, Lily,” Sev answered, his tone a bit irritated. “To kill people. You remember Edgar Bones? He was in the Order too, if I’m not mistaken.”

“I remember him,” she replied, saddened. She had heard about the death of the Bones family. “What about it?”

“He and his family were killed by Death Eaters. Greyback was with them that night. The Dark Lord wanted to make Bones watch as Greyback ripped apart his children. I heard later that Edgar Bones fought so furiously and loudly to prevent him from doing that, that he managed to wound Antonin Dolohov and they were forced to kill the whole family swiftly and flee before anyone came to the rescue.” Lily felt sick as she listened to him. Why was he telling her this? “So, _yes_ , Lily, that’s what people like the Dark Lord and Greyback do.”

She shook her head, trying to forget what she had just heard. She could easily imagine what poor Edgar must have felt. _After all, I was in the same position not so long ago, and awaited the same fate._

“Please, Sev,” she said, “Just… just tell me what happened to you.”

“Well, as to that,” he shrugged, “Greyback took me captive, like I said, and I assumed that he intended to sell me to the Dark Lord.”

Lily’s brow furrowed in confusion. “But what that has to do with Harry and Crouch?”

“My assumption is that I merely found myself at the wrong place at the wrong time. Or,” he hesitated, “rather the contrary, considering the outcome. Once I was subdued and bound inside the basement under Greyback’s hideout, Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange arrived there with a portkey. They did not expect me to be there, and were actually waiting for Crouch. He came a bit later, and Harry was with him.” Lily stared at him. “What?” he asked.

“Malfoy, Lestrange, Greyback, and now Crouch you say…” she said. “Sev, I know you’re a powerful wizard, but how did you manage to come out of there alive, not to mention keeping Harry safe?”

He took a deep breath and scrunched up his face. “That’s the part I warned you about. The one you won’t like.”

“Well?”

“At the time I didn’t know it, but after I came back here and had my talk with Dumbledore, everything became clear.” Sev cleared his throat. “Apparently, your friend Sirius Black doubted my loyalty and expressed his concerns to the Headmaster.” Lily frowned. _What has that have to do with anything?_ Sirius and Sev had never liked each other, she knew that perfectly well, but she failed to see it, unless… _Oh no… No…_ Sirius was hot-headed and reckless, even James had been worried about that in the past. Worse, he trusted Dumbledore completely. Lily’s throat suddenly felt tight and constricted. “So,” Sev continued, “Dumbledore decided to send him to Knockturn Alley after me. That way he’d satisfy the man’s suspicion _and_ have someone watching my back, he said. I suppose that the old man was awfully pleased with this plan. I never knew that Black was following me. Never noticed him.” He sighed. “I guess he somehow found out that I was in trouble. So just when Crouch arrived with your son, Black crashed into the basement with that flying motorcycle of his, wand blazing. In the chaos I managed to free myself. Black himself was as surprised by Harry’s presense as I had been. We took them down, grabbed Harry and tried to flee. You see,” Lily noticed that Sev’s words were coming out ever more painfully, “the house was warded against apparation, so we had to climb out. Greyback and Crouch recovered and chased us.” Sev paused, glaring at the flickering flames. “I didn’t have my wand. I was carrying Harry and Black was trying to defend us. Greyback threw a Killing Curse at Harry. Black jumped in front of it and took it instead of Harry.”

Sev stopped talking, allowing Lily to absorb what she had just heard.

She sat there, her gaze empty and her mind wandering.

James was dead. Not a week had passed and Sirius was gone too. _Sirius, always smiling and joking, and laughing. He loved James like a brother. He adored Harry._ Lily didn’t doubt for a moment that Sirius would jump in front of a Killing Curse to save his godson’s life. _Oh, Sirius…_ She wanted to weep, but found herself unable to. Instead she just hung her head down and covered her face with her palms, taking deep breaths.

“I…” Sev hesitated. “I’m sorry, Lily.”

“Is he dead?” she asked, her face still hidden behind her palms.

“Lily… The curse hit him right in the che…”

“Not Sirius,” she interrupted him. “Not Sirius. Greyback. Is he still alive?”

“I… I don’t think so, Lily. I took Black’s wand and hit him with a curse that will make him bleed to death.”

There had been a time when Lily would have balked when hearing about such a spell. In fact, Sev’s fascination with the Dark Arts was one of the more crucial factors that had driven her away from him back in school. _That Lily was a fool,_ she thought, _thinking that the world is a good place full of nice people_. What had that Lily known? Nothing! The woman that was sitting in front of Sev now actually felt a grim satisfaction when she heard that the werewolf will die slowly and painfully. _He ruined Remus’ life and killed Sirius. He deserves it. I hope he drowns in his own blood_. _Remus? Oh, Merlin, does Remus know?_ Lily’s heart was aching for him. _They were his only friends, and now he’ll be all alone._ Lily wanted to be there for him, to mourn with him. She closed here eyes. _How much more can we all take?_ she wondered. _And is fighting that war worth it?_

Lily looked at the door to the bedroom where Harry slept in his crib. She knew the answer to her own question.

She turned back to Sev. He was watching her in silence. “Sev,” she began, her voice hoarse, “I… I don’t know what to say. At the very least, I’m glad that both you and Harry are safe. But… Sirius… he…” she shook her head and stopped talking.

“I’m sorry, Lily,” Sev repeated. “I know that he was your friend. Unfortunately,” he sighed, “that’s not all of it. Barty Crouch Jr. is dead too.”

“What? How?”

“After I took down Greyback I ran out and apparated instantly. The fool tried to grab me. The result… wasn’t pretty. And neither was his father’s reaction when he found out.”

“Oh, Merlin… Is he… Are you safe?”

Sev shrugged. “None of us is safe anymore, Lily. But Crouch saw the Dark Mark on his son’s arm. He didn’t blame me, if that’s what you fear. I expect that he’ll declare open war against the Dark Lord… Who still eludes us. The Aurors that arrived at Greyback’s hideout reported that both Malfoy and Lestrange are gone, along with the werewolf. They recovered only Black’s body. I have a bad feeling about all of this, Lily.”

She sighed. It was time to let Sev know.

“Me too,” she admitted. “All of this… This is too much, Sev. I can’t involve Harry in this. I thought about it a lot.” She looked at him straight in the eyes. “I don’t care about the war anymore. All that matters is that I keep my baby boy safe.”

Sev narrowed his dark eyes at her. “That… sounds somewhat unlike you, Lily.”

“I know,” she said. “But only when it comes to the crunch, you find out who you really are.” She pointed towards the bedroom. “I am that little boy’s mother and I _will not_ have him be in the middle of a war against a rampaging madman.”

“What are you saying, Lily?”

“I am leaving.”

He frowned. “I don’t understand…”

“I am leaving,” she repeated. “I’m leaving Hogwarts, I’m leaving Britain. I’m done. Look at me, Sev. In less than a week my husband was murdered, my son was abducted and one of my best friends died trying to protect him. Who dies next? Me? You? My sister? No. I’m done with this, Sev. Enough is enough.”

The silence awashed the room. Sev leaned back in his chair and looked at her appraisingly. Finally, she couldn’t endure anymore. “Well?” she asked. “Aren’t you going to start convincing me that I’m wrong?”

“No,” he said simply. Lily raised an eyebrow at that. “In fact, I think it’s the best decision that you could have made.”

She nodded, pleased. “Good, because I want you to come with me.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**November 6, 1981, The Crystal Cave**

 

The screams were louder than the thundering roar of the sea outside. _I am not shaking with fear_ , Lucius Malfoy told himself. _It’s merely cold. Yes. It’s autumn and North Sea is cold._

 

The fury of the Dark Lord had been terrifying to behold. Everything had fallen apart. Harry Potter was back in Hogwarts, Crouch Jr. was dead… _All thanks to Snape and Black._ At least his wife’s cousin would no longer be a thorn in their side. Fenrir Greyback had seen to that.

Lucius wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Sirius Black had been a blood traitor, true, and he had never liked him, even in Hogwarts. _He was an arrogant, little piece of shit_. But he had also been a pureblood. _And Narcissa’s cousin_. Lucius wondered if she knew that he had been killed. _And if she does, will she be glad? Or will she mourn him?_ Narcissa was nothing like her sister. She believed in the Dark Lord’s cause, of course – all of them did – but cruelty was not in her nature. Lucius himself wasn’t about to cry over Black’s death. His head and neck still hurt from that Stunner back in Knockturn Alley. _Still… The man was from a pure line and a noble House. He shouldn’t have been murdered by a mere werewolf_. That was it. Maybe Sirius Black _did_ deserve to die for standing against the Dark Lord and allying himself with mudbloods and traitors. But even purebloods as prodigal as him deserved a better death than one at the hands of a creature that wasn’t even human. 

Another gurgling scream pierced the damp darkness of the cave. _Well, Greyback is paying for it now._  

 

The three of them had returned empty-handed and beaten to the hidden cave beneath the cliffs where the salty waves of North Sea crashed against ancient rocks. The Dark Lord had said that this place was secure, that nobody would find them there after they had left the Manor… and he had been right, as he always was. Rookwood, somehow still managing to slip undetected and spy for the Dark Lord inside the Ministry itself, claimed that the Aurors were searching everywhere for them, to no avail.

So the Dark Lord had decided that they were to move quickly. He wanted to kill Harry Potter. Lucius never dared to ask why. Perhaps he just desired to finish what he started on Hallowe’en. It mattered not. The Dark Lord had to get what he wanted and it was the Death Eaters’ duty to oblige him. And so Lucius, thirsty for recognition, had hatched the whole plan. The Dark Lord had been certain that Dumbledore would come after him soon after Severus’ betrayal on Hallowe’en. He meant to hide all of them here, in the cave by the sea, but it had been Lucius’ idea to leave Narcissa and Draco behind in the conviction that Dumbledore would likely take them back to Hogwarts. That way his wife could be used as a means to allow them entry in Hogwarts. Impressed with Lucius’ scheme, the Dark Lord had contacted Crouch Jr. and gave him his orders. _Going in, taking a teacher’s place, getting the baby and going back to Greyback’s safehouse where me and Bella would take it back here. It was going to be so simple, such a triumph…_

Instead somehow Severus had entangled himself into the mess, captured by the werewolf by mere chance, and with him came Sirius Black and their failure. _How could I have foreseen it?!_

 

And so when Lucius and Bellatrix returned to the cave late that night, dragging the bleeding werewolf with them, Lucius was certain that he was going to die. After all, the Dark Lord was notorious for his low tolerance of failures.

Even now, hours later, he remained unharmed. The same could not be said for the other two.

Bella had been blasted with the Cruciatus until she passed out. Lucius glanced at her, still crumpled on the rocks. Her husband and his brother never said a word in her defense, they had just stood there and watched impassively while she screamed and slithered under the Dark Lord’s anger.

As to Greyback… Well, a part of Lucius was morbidly curious to know what _was_ happening to him. Another, much wiser part, insisted that he’d be better off in ignorance. By rights the werewolf should be dead already. That curse that Severus hit him with was a nasty piece of work. The gash in his massive chest literally _couldn’t_ stop bleeding, resisting every healing spell that Lucius had tried on him back in Knockturn Alley while Bella was preparing a new portkey. _How much blood does he have in his body?_ It seemed that Fenrir Greyback’s beastly endurance would allow him to survive a little longer… but sooner or later he would have bled out. _Apparently the Dark Lord can indeed hold off death itself._

The Dark Lord had taken the werewolf deeper into the cave, where none of them were allowed. Sometimes Lucius’ curiosity gnawed at him and he wondered what was hidden into the black depths that lay beneath the rocks. _There must be something. This place was not chosen by accident. The Dark Lord must keep something there, something hidden_. Not that Lucius was about to snoop around. _Defying the Dark Lord is not for me._ Only he knew what secrets awaited in the dark. _Well, he and Greyback now. Though I doubt the creature will be able to talk about it_. 

 

A gust of salty wind bore its cold fingers inside the cave, rustling the black cloaks and robes of the men huddled here, trapped between the bellowing sea and the stormy night sky. Lucius shivered again and looked around, nervous. Another scream came from the depths of the cave. _Look at them, they pretend not to notice anything!_

Old Nott was standing at the edge of the cliff, staring into the tall waves crowned with grey foam that crashed in the jagged basalt spires that surrounded the mouth of the cave. Dolohov and Rosier were talking quietly to each other in a dark corner. The Lestrange brothers were simply sitting next to the still unconscious Bella, gazes wandering into nothingness; unlike Lucius’ sister-in-law, the two of them were usually quiet and reserved, preferring to keep to themselves. _They liven up only when they’re about to Crucio someone._

Lucius didn’t fail to notice that all of them were not ignoring only Greyback’s echoing shrieks. _They’re ignoring me too. I’m a dead man to them,_ he realized.  He could almost taste the bile. _It wasn’t my fault, the Dark Lord must see that. How could I have predicted such interference?_

The werewolf screamed again, louder than the last few times.

 

The echo was still bouncing faintly against the rocky walls of the cave when the Dark Lord emerged from the darkness. He was alone.

Lucius had to force his heart to calm itself. He drove a shaky hand through his long hair. _Am I next?_ Maybe, if he was lucky, he would only be tortured for a little while. Despite the chill in the air, he could feel his palms and neck sweating.

The Dark Lord’s gait was calm. He walked on the cold stones with the same ease he had had on the thick carpets inside Malfoy Manor. His red, reptilian eyes fixed Lucius and he smiled. He came closer. Lucius’ eyes darted towards his master’s sides. The arm he had lost on Hallowe’en had soon been replaced by a new one. In the gloom of the cave one could not see it clearly, but it was made of some shiny, dark metal that was somehow just as agile and flexible as flesh was. Though Lucius suspected that it was stonger and there was no doubt that it was touched by old, fell magic. 

“Lucius, my friend,” the Dark Lord purred almost gently, “come have a word with me.”

In a brief, maniacal flash of panic Lucius was afraid that his lips were glued together and he couldn’t talk. He swallowed hard. “Yes, my lord,” he croaked. “Of course.”

The Dark Lord headed to the cave’s entrance. Nott noticed them, bowed his head and retreated, leaving them to speak in private. Lucius stood next to the Dark Lord and stared down, to the angry watery abyss below. The autumn gales were wracking the North Sea and the waves thundered on, relentless. _If he kills me here, they will never find my body._

“You failed me today, Lucius,” the Dark Lord declared. Somehow his soft voice wasn’t muffed by the roar of the sea.

“My lord, I…” Lucius started, hellbent to beg his way out of this whole mess. The Malfoys were proud folk. But no so proud as to deny themselves the opportunity to do what must be done to survive. 

“Be silent, my slippery friend,” the Dark Lord’s dismissal sounded almost bored. “If I intended to kill you, I would have done so already.”

Lucius fell on his knees. The rocks were hard but the discomfort was meaningless now.The Dark Lord turned his pale face to him and smirked. “Thank you, my lord,” Lucius murmured humbly, “Thank you. Please forgive me. I will not fail you again.”

“No,” the Dark Lord replied. “You won’t. But I never said anything about forgiveness, Lucius.”

“My lord?” he whimpered, his body tense and ready to be hit by the Cruciatus Curse at any moment.

“I nedded Harry Potter, Lucius. You had him in your grasp and let him slip away, along with that mudblood-lover Severus. I wonder, Lucius,” the Dark Lord drawled, “I wonder… You were the one who brought Severus into the fold. Could it be that you’re about as loyal as your friend?”

“No!” Lucius shrieked. All his riches, all the pureblood dignity forgotten. _If he even begins to suspects you of disloyalty, you’re dead!_ “No, my lord! I swear! I failed, yes, but it was a mistake, nothing more! I would never betray you!”

“Is that so, Lucius?”

“My lord, I would do anything, _anything_ , to make amends for my failure!”

“How magnanimous of you, my friend,” the Dark Lord sneered. “But so be it. I will give you another chance.”

“My lord?”

The Dark Lord crossed his arms, the metal one over the real, and looked out to the sea.

“We must assume that Harry Potter is beyond our reach for now. Dumbledore knows I want the boy, and he’ll throw everything he’s got in protecting him. Even worse, he might manage to hide the babe and its disgusting whore of a mother away from me.”

Lucius hesitated before he asked, “So what would you have us do, my lord?”

The Dark Lord did not answer immediately. “We cannot take Hogwarts by storm. But there are those who can. Those who could just force their way inside, while we must try and sneak in.”

“I am ready to serve you, my lord. Just tell me how.”

“Despite the abysmal job you did in Knockturn Alley, Lucius, we might be able to salvage this situation. Did you know that Greyback killed Sirius Black with Severus’ wand?”

Lucius frowned. “My lord, what has that got to do wi…”

“Severus is now Dumbledore’s favorite pet. The two of them are together, working against us. And it’s unlikely that we could remove either of them forcefully. But maybe if we tried a different touch… The Wizarding World thirsts for our blood, Lucius. We are painted as villains instead of the idols we should be,” he turned to Lucius, his red eyes gleaming in the night. “We could use this against them. I am convinced that Dumbledore is either keeping Severus’ past standing with us a secret, or he’s managed to hide his own connection to your friend.” The Dark Lord laughed softly. “Regardless, imagine what would happen when the Ministry learns that the Headmaster of Hogwarts is consorting with the Death Eater who murdered Sirius Black, the hero.”

Lucius’ eyes widened. The potential this idea had was firghtening. _But how do we achieve that? No, how do I achieve that? He’s telling me all of this for a reason. This is my chance to redeem myself. He wants me to do it._

“My lord,” Lucius began carefully, “I am not sure how we could approach this. We have the wand,  so we could probably make use of the Priori Incantatem… but the Ministry would not turn easily. Bagnold is a weakling, but she supports Dumbledore and a lot of power has passed in the hands of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. I fear, my lord, that Crouch will not pay heed to us. His son’s death… he will not rest until he’s caught us, my lord.”

“Crouch and Bagnold are insignificant, Lucius. We simply need a new Minister of Magic, one who will be more inclined to listen to wisdom,” The Dark Lord’s twisted smile sent chills down Lucius Malfoy’s spine. “And you’re the one who will make it happen.”

Lucius simply stared up at the Dark Lord, his mouth slightly agape. _Bloody hell… And how am I supposed to do that?_ He could probably make use of his fortune to buy off some of the members of the Wizengamot and then use the legislators and the bureaucracy to tear Millicent Bagnold down from the shadows, but such things took time. And he didn’t need the Dark Lord to tell him out loud that for all the Malfoy gold in the world, time was a luxury Lucius could no longer afford.

He had no choice. _There is no escape from this. I will either succeed or die._

Lucius bowed his head, still on his knees before his master. “Yes, my lord. As you wish.”

“Yes, Lucius, just so,” the Dark Lord gave him a dismissive gesture and made to step back into the cave. Then he turned and eyed Lucius. A stray beam of moonlight pierced the clouds and illuminated his pale face. His red eyes shone slyly. “And Lucius, remember that I spared you my wrath tonight. Rest assured, if you fail me now, I will make sure that you will watch while the beautiful Narcissa and young Draco pay for your mistakes.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**November 6, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

 

The rain was pouring over the towers of the castle with a gloomy determination that reflected well with Severus Snape’s mood. He was walking towards the Great Hall to get breakfast, lost within the currents of his own mind. _How did I get myself into this?_

By Merlin, he _should_ be happy! He ought to be skipping on his way, to laugh victoriously over James Potter’s memory. _I succeeded where you failed, Potter. I managed to save your son and now your wife wants to run away with me. Me. The pathetic runt whose childhood you haunted. I am here with her, and you’re dead._ This was what he _should_ have been saying to himself right now. Instead, all he could feel was how his innards were coiling themselves into a tangle of apprehension. Something bad was coming, he could almost feel it in his bones.

 _Who are you kidding, Snivellus? What are you imagining? A romantic getaway with her, while the moon lightens up the path? You’re a fool. Worse, you’re a fool in love. Always have been._ The future that awaited him and Lily was nothing but a life in fear. That’s what reigned over a fugitive’s life. He tried to tell himself that it was going to be fine, that it would give him a chance to make amends and repair the relationship that was destroyed five years ago… _That she might start feeling the same way towards me._ A small, irrational part of Severus wanted him to punch himself in the face.  _Like that’s going to happen._

A fool in love he may be, but Severus Snape was not a complete dunderhead. Lily thought that this was going to be something temporary, something that had to be done to protect her son while the Ministry of Magic and what remained of the Order of the Phoenix managed to bring the Dark Lord down. _Nothing is ever that easy, Lily_ , Snape thought sadly. He had the venomous feeling that the winner of the war was not going to be the one Lily wanted.

At best, they would spend their lives in hiding abroad. At worst, the agents of the Dark Lord would find them. _A month from now, a year, two, three, five, a decade… It matters not._ Still, it was better than to sit in Hogwarts and willingly turn into Dumbledore’s puppets, ready to be discarded by his desperate schemes. _If we stay here, we’ll get ourselves killed anyway. At least if we flee, we’ll have a chance._

Severus never noticed exactly when he had began to think like that. _We?_ Then again, if he had to be honest with himself, it was pointless to pretend otherwise. Whenever Lily went, he would follow. _I will not abandon her._ Even if she hadn’t expressed a desire for him to accompany her in exile, he would have gone after her regardless. _Nothing is more important than her._ Sometimes, while he lay awake in the black hours before dawn, a part of him realized that he was like an insect drawn to a flame. _And never a metaphor has been so apt,_ he thought, thinking of her red, fiery hair.

After that accursed day when he had called her a mudblood, he _had_ tried to forget her, to move on with his life and what promised to be a trip to undreamt power. At first, it had been fueled partly by his anger, and later, from a desire to dull the pain as he saw her allowing Potter to hold hands with her, to embrace her and whisper in her ear before he kissed her… He had thrown himself into studying the Dark Arts then, and soon after that into the Dark Lord’s service. But a part of him always refused to forget Lily, to erase her completely from his mind. _She was the only person who ever treated you good. The only one who thought you are not worthless._ He refused to let her die once. Now his life had no other meaning besides keeping her safe. _What do I care who rules the Wizarding World? The Dark Lord can have it, if he wants it so badly. But he can’t have Lily. And neither can Dumbledore._

Besides, the world was far bigger than Britain and the Dark Lord couldn’t conquer it _all_. Someone would stop him, eventually. Or so Severus hoped.

 

And yet, still it persisted. The gnawing, half-blind sense of the doom that was looming above them all… _We must not waste time._ Lily intended for them to leave tomorrow. For all Severus knew, she was preparing her luggage right now. He had urged her to do it even sooner, and in secret. _The fewer people that know, the better._ Lily had decided to wait a day, insisting that he get _some_ rest after his ordeals in Knockturn Alley. She also refused to sneak away like a thief in the night as Severus wanted. She was going to announce her decision to the Headmaster fair and straight, the Gryffindor in her resisting any attempt to do things in a subversive way.

 

Severus was so lost in his thoughts that he never noticed the lanky man that was walking towards him. So when the two of them crashed into each other, Snape staggered back, stumbling in confusion. He raised his eyes and looked straight into Remus Lupin’s face.

The werewolf had never looked _good_. For as far as Severus could remember, he had a sickly air around him, like someone who didn’t knew what a full night of peaceful sleep was. Even back when they were children, Lupin was always the one who fit the least among the Marauders. James Potter and Sirius Black were both loud, healthy boys that eventually grew to be strong men. Even Pettigrew, though never a strapping lad, looked better than Lupin. _And yet, they’re all gone and here he is._

This morning, however, Lupin looked at his worst. His eyes were sunken, his haggard face was ashen and his hair was messy and disheveled. He looked like a drunkard who had woken up with a particularly nasty hangover. _If only his problems were as small and easy…_ Severus knew that Lupin had never tried to drown his sorrows in alcohol. _Well, maybe he should. It did wonders for my father._

With a certain level of discomfort Severus realized that the werewolf was too close to him. A small part of him still couldn’t forget that night of terror years ago. As much as he hated to admit it, he was afraid of Remus Lupin. He despised the other Marauders, true, but Potter, Black and Pettigrew never gave him nightmares. The same could not be said for their friend. _Ironic, really, considering he’s the tame one._ And yet, no matter how mellow the man seemed, there was a beast lurking inside of him. _I must not fear him. I already killed one werewolf. I can deal with another._

He cleared his throat, “Well, Lupin,” he said, hesitantly, trying to be polite. It wasn’t necessary to antagonize him. “Good morning. I didn’t see you. I suppose you were lost in thought too.”

The werewolf’s eyes swept over him, unfocused and dim. He shook his head, as if trying to clear his thoughts. “Oh,” he mumbled. “Yes. Sorry, Severus.”

With that he went around Snape, his gaze blank. Severus shrugged. _I suppose I can understand him. Two of his best friends are dead and the third turned out to be a traitor._ Severus didn’t have to wonder what he would feel like if Lily had died in Potter’s stead. _Though it’s not a fair comparison. I’ve been in love with her for so long…_ The only other person that Severus would consider a close friend had been Lucius, and yet now they were enemies. _Back in Greyback’s basement he would have taken me to the Dark Lord without batting an eye._ Strangely enough, Severus did not feel the urge to shamble around Hogwarts because of that. _Maybe because I have more important things than Lucius to live for. Lupin may not be as fortunate._ Severus shrugged inwardly. _What do I care about Lupin? He can go and leap off the Astronomy Tower if he so wishes. The world will be one werewolf short and the better for it._ He started walking towards the Great Hall when he heard a voice behind him.

“Severus?” Lupin called.

Snape turned. “What can I do for you?” he asked, a bit tersely. He had no time to waste on the werewolf.

“How did he die?” Lupin asked.

Severus frowned and answered with a question, “Didn’t the Headmaster tell you?”

Lupin shook his head. He looked absolutely miserable. “I saw his body last night. I… um… I had to identify it officially and sign all the papers for the funeral. His parents didn’t want to have anything to do with him,” he sighed. “Dumbledore said that I would be happier if I didn’t know any details. He told me only that he was killed by Death Eaters and that you were there.”

Severus almost snorted. _Dumbledore really does think of us as if we are children._ Remus Lupin may have been a lot of things, but he was a grown man who had pledged his life to fight against the Dark Lord. He was not a child whose feelings needed to be spared. But then he remembered what Lily told him. _Greyback was the one who made him what he is. If he finds out that he murdered Black as well…_ In his current condition, Severus could easily imagine him going on a rampage and getting himself killed.  _And what would Lily say if that happened and she knew I could prevent it?_

“You know that Lily’s child was kidnapped yesterday?” he asked.

“I heard about it this morning. How is she holding up?”

“She’s glad that he’s okay,” Snape shrugged. “What else can be expected?”

“I’m relieved to hear it. Maybe I should pay her a visit. She’s probably sad about Sirius too. But, Severus,” Lupin looked him with a slight frown, “What that has to do with what I asked you?”

“It has. At the same time Dumbledore sent me on a mission to Knockturn Alley where I got myself captured by the Death Eaters. Barty Crouch Jr. had kidnapped Harry and arrived at their hideout later. Black had tracked me on Dumbledore’s behest and barreled in. He saved Harry’s life and my own,” Severus stared at the werewolf, “He fell in combat, hit by the Killing Curse.”

Lupin squeezed his eyes shut for a brief moment, as if he was trying to hold back tears.

“He… He didn’t trust you,” he croaked. “He was so sure that you were loyal to You-Know-Who… He… The day before yesterday he told me that Dumbledore had listened to him and had an assignment for him. That must have been it…”

Severus had to bite down the acidic words that sprang to his lips. _Then he was the biggest nitwit that ever walked the Earth. I turned against the Dark Lord openly. I cut his arm off! What more did Black want?!_

“I suppose I could understand him,” he lied through his teeth, still not wishing to antagonize the grieving werewolf.

“Couldn’t you help him, Severus?” Lupin asked, his voice dripping with desperation.

Severus shook his head. “I didn’t have my wand, and Harry was in my arms.”

The werewolf's shoulders slumped down. “Well,” he muttered slowly,“I suppose that’s not so bad. At least he gave his life for Harry. I know he wouldn’t regretted doing so.” He met Snape’s black eyes. “Thank you, Severus. I appreciate that.”

Snape nodded, and headed back.

Then Lupin’s voice called once again, “Severus,” Snape turned and waited. “Did you see who killed him?”

Severus looked Lupin straight in the eyes and said, “No. They were all wearing their masks.”

Lupin sighed, turned his back to Severus without words and walked away.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**November 7, 1981, The Ministry of Magic**

 

Cold water was trickling down his neck, into the collar of the velvet mantle. _I feel like a rat._ Lucius Malfoy took a deep breath and immediately regretted it. The air was filled with a faint, putrid smell. They were so deep beneath London that Lucius was almost ready to wonder if they somehow had found themselves into some fairy tale underworld.

“So this is how you scurry about?” he asked the man that was walking through the tunnel.

Augustus Rookwood turned his head and smirked. Even in the gloom of the sewers, Lucius could notice the deep pock marks that marred his thin face. “Well, Malfoy,” the spy drawled, “what did you expect? How did you think it worked? That I simply heard things around the Ministry and then ran to the Dark Lord?”

Lucius shrugged. “I thought you used the benefits of your job. That’s what I would have done.”

The spy rolled his eyes. “Then you know nothing of the Department of Mysteries. I am an Unspeakable. I literally _can’t_ talk or discuss anything about my job. Not even under the effects of the Imperius or Veritaserum,” Rookwood snickered quietly. The sound was unwelcome and unsettling in the dark. “The Dark Lord knows this. And besides, the really _interesting_ news never reach my Department. Most Unspeakables are just weirdos with dusty brains. I bet some of them don’t even realize that there’s a war going on. No, the only use of my job is that nobody pays me any attention. Not even the Aurors bother with the Unspeakables.”

Lucius had talked with Rookwood before. Nothing meaningful, but the two had exchanged casual words and knew of each other. He always thought that the spy was an amiable fellow, in a harmless sort of way. But now Lucius was beginning to realize that all that time he had seen just a mask, a false face smiling at the world. Here, in the dark tunnels that coiled beneath the Ministry, the man’s true form was emerging. _He’s a cold man, and dangerous._ Lucius imagined Rookwood, trekking hunched through the gloom and the stench, unseen and unsuspected, finding the hidden paths that led to the heart of the Ministry itself. He saw secrets, he heard whispers that were not meant for his ears… And later, people died.

 _Stop it, you fool!_ Lucius shook his head, angry at himself. Long strands of hair fell in front of his face, so pale that they seemed almost white in the darkness. _What do you care? Rookwood is simply serving the Dark Lord, and so are you! Think of Narcissa! Think of your son!_

“Is it far?” he asked the spy.

Rookwood clicked with his tongue, annoyed. “We’re not there yet,” he said, “but I won’t make you walk in the dark for much longer, Malfoy. Don’t fret.”

 

And so they walked on. A few times they moved through passageways that were so black that Lucius had to find his way with his cane like a blind man. He felt the ghostly touch of cobwebs on his face and hair and almost quaked with disgust.

Finally the two men reached what seemed like a dead end, a wall of solid rock. Lucius frowned and looked at Rookwood who only smirked and nodded upwards with his head. Lucius followed the movement with his eyes and saw it – a gaping hole in the stony ceiling just above their heads. It was so dark that it was impossible to see how far it went up.

“That’s it?” Lucius asked.

“That’s it,” Rookwood confirmed. “It goes all the way up to Level One. Then there’s a passageway that’ll lead us straight to Bagnold.”

“And you’re convinced this is secure?” Lucius insisted. “That the Aurors don’t know about it?”

The spy shrugged, “We’re beneath even the Courtrooms, Malfoy. The way is secure enough. I’ve used it for months now and I haven’t been caught, have I?”

As much as he didn’t like it, Lucius had to admit that Augustus Rookwood was right.  _Insufferable he may be, he is still a capable servant of the Dark Lord._ The fact that he _still_ not only eluded capture but even suspicion was testament to that. Lucius had no other choice. He had to rely on Rookwood to complete his task.

So he nodded and said, “How do we go up? Does it have some sort of stair?”

“No,” the spy shook his head, “It’s part of why it’s a safe passage. One looks down and sees only a chasm. Not a place where folks are like to climb from.”

“Very well,” Lucius drew his black wand from the scabbard inside the cane and pointed it at himself, “ _Wingardium Leviosa!_ ”

And suddenly his body felt lighter than a feather. The earth no longer shackled his feet. He jumped up gently, just to give himself a slight nudge. He floated up into the air, arms stretched out for balance. He used his wand to guide his movement. The black hole in the ceiling came closer and closer until the darkness swallowed him.

 

He rose into the blackness like a spirit wandering through the shadows, his long cloak flapping softly in the air. The hole was so utterly dark that Lucius had to use his free hand to guide his flight.

“Malfoy,” came a whisper from below. Lucius looked down but his eyes could not pierce the darkness that lay beneath the Ministry of Magic. Yet his instincts told him that Rookwood was near, following him closely.

“What?” he croaked back.

“We are getting close,” Rookwood said, “Once we get out of the tunnel, float four feet to the right.”

“Understood,” Lucius nodded and a moment later he realized how stupid the gesture was in the heavy, impenetrable darkness. _Sweet Merlin, I’m going mental!_

 

Suddenly Lucius felt the touch of fresh air caressing his face and tousling his long hair. He took a deep breath, grateful after the stale chasm. He landed where Rookwood had instructed. The spy arrived a few moments later.

Here it was merely gloomy. Compared to the pitch black tunnel below, it was a welcome change for Lucius.

 

Here Rookwood took over once again. Lucius followed him, the two of them scurrying in the dark like rats. When the spy stopped and put an arm back to halt the other Death Eater, Lucius knew they had arrived.

Lucius looked around. They were standing in a wide hallway with a low ceiling. On one side there was nothing but bedrock. On the other side, however, there was a smooth wall, clearly built by human hands. _Amazing. Who knew that the Ministry was riddled with such a tunnels?_ Then again… it probably shouldn’t have been such a surprise. _We wizards are a secretive people. Had to be, since so many of us wanted to hide from the muggles instead of ruling over them._

“ _We’re here,_ ” Rookwood whispered, in a voice that was barely audible. He pointed up.

Lucius’ eyes followed the spy’s hand and he saw it. A stony ledge that was protruding from the wall just above their heads. Its length began and ended somewhere far in the dark. Rookwood jumped up, nimble like a cat, caught the ledge and pulled himself up.

Lucius did the same, trying to hide the discomfort that the velvet mantle that embraced his shoulders and back caused him. _I am not made for this. But it’s the only way to redeem myself in the Dark Lord’s eyes._

As he struggled to pull himself up, he glanced at Rookwood who was staring at him insolently. _When I get back in the Dark Lord’s good graces, there will be hell to pay for all those smirks and stares, Augustus, don’t fret._  

 

Before them stood another wall. Rookwood moved gingerly forward and put his face close to it, as if he was trying to hear something. He made a few steps to the left, one to the right, stopped and listened once more.

Lucius hesitated for a moment and joined him. He couldn’t hear anything. _What is he listening for?_

Then he heard it. The soft sound of muffled footsteps on the other side of the wall. Lucius frowned, trying to focus. _This is a woman walking. We’re at Bagnold’s office_.

He raised his wand, ready to blow the wall up. _We must be quick. There are Aurors standing on guard at her door._ Then Rookwood caught his hand. The spy’s fingers were surprisingly hard and rough. He glared at Lucius and shook his head. The signal was clear. _Not like this. There is another way._

 

Rookwood made a few more steps to the right and placed his palms high on the wall. The two bricks beneath his fingers caved in and the spy was able to literally slide a part of the door sideways, as if it was on hinges.

Light poured into the darkness, blinding Lucius as he rushed forward. He had to use his cane to navigate his way for the first few steps. He heard the crackling of wood and felt the hotness of sparks against his legs. _The fireplace? Really, Rookwood?_ He had to sidestep a few smouldering logs, and the heels of his dragonhide boots crushed a few embers.

 

The sound startled the woman that was pacing across the office with her back towards the fireplace and she turned around.

Millicent Bagnold, Britain’s Minister of Magic, was older than Lucius by at least a decade but still looked presentable. Narcissa would have scoffed at her simple hairstyle and robes, but there was something in her that appealed to people. Lucius felt a momentary pang of regret. _She doesn’t deserve this. But she was not made to lead the Wizarding World and she must be removed._

 

Lucius stepped out of the fireplace and pointed his wand at the Minister. He could hear Rookwood following through.

“Mr. Malfoy,” Bagnold said. She was trying to keep her voice calm but her brown eyes betrayed her true feelings. She was afraid. “And Augustus Rookwood. I see.”

“Keep your voice down and no harm will come to you, Madame Minister,” Lucius lied. “We have but a simple request to make.”

Bagnold’s eyes darted towards the door. Rookwood saw this and smirked, “Who is on duty today, Minister?” he asked with a jolly voice that contrasted with his drawn wand and dangerous gaze. “Some young buck, I wager? The good ones are out and about, chasing rumors and ghosts,” he chuckled as if the thought amused him. “Is it Shacklebolt? Longbottom?”

Lucius shot him with a glare. _I am in command now, spy. Keep your mouth shut._

“Like I said,” he looked back at Bagnold. “We are here because we want you to do something for us, Madame Minister. Do it, and nobody needs to be harmed.” He nodded to the heavy mahogany door, “You could cry out and the Aurors that guard your office will burst in. They’ll probably capture or kill Augustus and me. But by the time that happens, you’ll be dead. So, Madame Minister, what will it be?”

Before the war, Lucius had spoken a little with Millicent Bagnold. After the death of his father, when the Malfoy fortune passed to him, he had learned that one of his responsibilities was to keep in touch with the Ministry. His vast wealth was a tool of power in and of itself, and people were attracted to it like nails to a magnet. This had gifted him with the opportunity to take the measure of Minister Bagnold. _She’s amiable, doesn’t want nor know how to fight a war and she wishes someone else could share the burden._ This was the reason why people like Bartemius Crouch or Albus Dumbledore were able to do whatever they pleased and hinder the Dark Lord at every turn. _This is not a woman who will sacrifice herself to spite me._

It turned out that Lucius was right. A few moments later, Bagnold looked at him and gulped fearfully, yet still trying to keep the façade of bravery, “What do you want?”

“Nothing much, I assure you,” Lucius gave her a small smile. “I just want you to summon the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement here.”

“Call Barty? Here?” Bagnold frowned. “I do not understand…”

“He is at work, I was told,” he glanced at Rookwood, “After the death of his son he dedicated all his time to the war against the Dark Lord, did he not?”

“B-barty Jr…” the Minister stuttered. “He said that you killed him.”

“Me?” Malfoy arched a blonde eyebrow, “I assure you, I had nothing to do with it.”

“Not you in particular, Malfoy,” Bagnold shrugged, “But followers of You-Know-Who.”

“Is that so? Well, I don’t know about that…” Lucius shrugged, “In any case, Madame Minister, do not try to dally. Call Crouch here and everything will be over soon.”

“And what will you do after he comes? You’ll kill us both so You-Know-Who can finally rule the Ministry?”

“Do not fear, Madame Minister,” Lucius said, “If I intended to assassinate you, I would have done so already, wouldn’t I? Come on, now,” he waved with his wand towards the fireplace.

 

She didn’t have a choice. As she went to the fireplace, Lucius put his wand back into the cane and reached under his mantle. His fingers touched the _other_ wand and he felt yet another wave of guilt washing over him. _No. Severus has nobody to blame but himself. This is his doing, not mine._ He drew the wand out and looked at it. It looked a bit like his own, made of black wood with an elegant design. The only real difference was that the handle of Severus’ wand was not made of silver and shaped like a serpent’s head, instead looking more like a sword’s hilt. _It is a good weapon_ , Lucius admitted to himself _._

Millicent Bagnold threw some Floo-powder into the fire and leaned towards the flames as they flared green. As she called for Crouch, Lucius looked at Rookwood and nodded.

The two of them moved swiftly to the both sides of the fireplace.

 

The Minister finally lifted her head and looked at Lucius.

“There,” she said, “I did what you asked. Barty will come here any moment and he will arrest you. Are you pleased, Mr. Malfoy?”

“This is not a matter of pleasure, Madame Minister,” Lucius replied honestly. “I am afraid, however, that I lied to you.”

Her face paled. She took a step back. “No… no…” she whimpered.

“I _am_ sorry, Madame Minister,” he told her. “But I have no other choice.” He pointed Severus’ wand at her. “ _Avada Kedavra!_ ”


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**November 7, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

Her lips were the most divine thing he had ever tasted. Her thick, coppery hair tickled his face as she straddled him and leaned over to shower him with kisses. Her warm breath caressed the skin on his face as she began writhing in passion. A throaty moan escaped him as she claimed another kiss.

“Lily…” he muttered. His arms encircled her, enjoying the perfection of her supple body. He had never felt so utterly happy and excited.

 

And then Severus woke up.

 

After the raging and the curses had quieted down, Severus decided that, despite everything, there was something to be thankful for. _At least my bedroom is remote and isolated. Nobody saw my shame._ It was much better to dream of Lily in solitude; when that was happening back in his school years, his fellow Slytherins used to mock him mercilessly. _Five years later and here I am, still waking here after dreaming of her. There is no hope for you, Snivellus._

 

As he was donning his black vest, Snape finally managed to get himself completely under control. He was meeting Lily and her son for breakfast, and then they were going straight to Dumbledore and out of Hogwarts. Before sunset today, Severus intended for them to be leaving Britain. He was going to be completely open about his intentions and route with the Headmaster. Dumbledore and the rest of his little club had to know that he and Lily were going to cross the Atlantic, heading for the wizard city of Salem where Severus hoped to find work in the local Institute. He was even going to ask the old man to write him up some references. _Of course, what they don’t have to know is that we’re actually going to Australia._ The remote continent lay so far to the southeast that Severus was almost hopeful that they would be out of the Dark Lord’s reach. It had taken some effort to get Lily to agree to this.

 _We were always different,_ Severus thought as he was buttoning the vest up, _but the years after we finished school made that even more apparent._ Lily was an open person. She no longer trusted in Dumbledore and was not afraid to let him know it. Severus, on the other hand, preferred to solve problems in a more underhanded manner, avoiding direct conflict. _No matter how much she may scoff at this, subtlety has its uses._

Besides, if the worst was to happen and the Dark Lord was to defeat Dumbledore and the Order, there wouldn’t be anyone who could possibly betray them. Severus didn’t doubt their loyalty… but every man had a breaking point, and once it was passed he would be willing to say or do _anything_ to make the pain stop. The Dark Lord was good at getting past that breaking point, and so were some of his underlings. _If they do win the war and get a hold of Dumbledore and his friends, it’s better to sent them in a futile search across America. News will get out and this will buy us more time to prepare._ Severus had even began wondering about false names and new faces for all three of them. _I must keep Lily safe, at any cost._

He took a deep breath and looked critically at his reflection in the mirror. _Take a hold of yourself, you pathetic fool_. There were so many things that weighed on his mind of late… It was hard to believe that just a week ago Lily was still away from his life, that he was still the old man’s spy in the Dark Lord’s inner circle, that James Potter and Sirius Black were still alive… The thought of Black’s death made him frown. His eyes glanced towards the man’s wand as it lay on the small cabinet besides the bed. It was so unlike the one he had lost back in Knockturn Alley, and it continually reminded him of the man’s death. _To think that I outlived both of them…_ Not for the first time Severus wondered what had happened to his own wand after his escape from Greyback’s hideout. The Aurors who recovered Black’s dead body never mentioned it, and he had more pressing concerns – like organizing the nearing escape alongside Lily – than going back there to look for it. _It’s probably still lying under the rubble. Perhaps some cutthroat will find it and sell it for a few sickles and a pint_. Still, the thought gnawed at his mind. Wands weren’t mere tools; they _chose_ the wizards who wielded them. It was a perfect connection between the power inside your soul and the magic conduit. A wizard or a witch could perform spells well enough with a wand other than their own, but there was this small, tiny voice inside your own head that insisted that something was wrong _._ Snape supposed that, from a certain point of view, the whole thing could be seen as _ridiculous_. _I finally got Lily back… but I’m also stuck with Potter’s child and Black’s wand…_ _Well, better get used to it, Snivellus. I appears that you will never get yourself fully rid of the Marauders_. He hoped that he wouldn’t get some similar “gifts” from Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew as well.

Severus sighed and decided it was time to head out. There was much to be done and no time to waste.

 

The expression on Lily’s face after she opened the door sent a clear message. _She is not pleased. Merlin, I hope she lets me handle it. Lying to Dumbledore is no easy feat._

“Sev,” she muttered reluctantly as they were walking towards the Headmaster’s Tower, “Are you really sure this is the best way to do it?”

“Yes,” he answered quietly as they passed a few Ravenclaws who looked like they were in their 4th or 5th year. As they walked past each other, Snape realized in full just how deserted the school seemed. _It’s for the best. The way things are headed, Dumbledore will make it a battlefield…_ And that was yet another reason to get out of here quickly. “Trust me, Lily. Just… let me do the talking.”

Lily frowned and Severus could practically read the thoughts that swirled behind her beautiful eyes. _She doesn’t approve of this._ He cleared his throat. “How is Harry?” he asked, if only to steer her mind away. _It’s not as if I care about the babe anyway._

Lily perked up a little. “Narcissa came and took him to play with Draco,” she said, “Just before you came. The two of them are getting along so well.”

 _Who would have thought it? Lucius’s son befriending Potter’s…_ If Snape was a betting man, he would have been sure that the two of them would grow up to become bitter enemies, and yet things have taken a surprising turn.Regardless, Draco was of no real concern to Severus. Even before he defied the Dark Lord, when he and Lucius had played the roles of close friends, Snape had taken little interest in the young heir to the Malfoy fortune and name – no more than common courtesy and the friendship to the father required of him. Maybe it would have been different years down the road, when Draco was more than barely a toddler, had Severus’ life not taken a turn that drove him far away from Lucius. No, Draco was of no concern. _His mother, though…_

“Lily,” he began hesitantly, “How much have you told Narcissa of our plans?”

“What?” the redhead bristled. “Do you take me for a _fool_ , Sev?!”

Severus looked down at her. Back when they were children, he had been small and skinny. And during the first few years of puberty he had remained so, while Lily had started developing in height and body; it was normal for most girls to develop faster than boys. Now it was very different. Severus had become a tall young man and if he wasn’t especially brawny, he wasn’t a runt either. Lily was now both shorter and more frail than him. And yet her temper was still as fiery as ever. Severus remembered it well enough. She could be absolutely _fierce_ when she was wroth. So he now had to pick his words carefully. _It would not do to start a fight just before we enter the old man’s office._

“No,” he shrugged with what he hoped seemed a neutral voice, “I just don’t think that we should trust her.”

Lily considered it. “I trust her more than I do Dumbledore,” she said then frowned as she saw Severus’ expression, “But no, I did not tell her _anything_. Not even that we’re going.”

“Good,” Severus nodded, pleased… but that faded quickly as Lily huffed and strode briskly forward, leaving him to follow as well as he was able.

_Oh, wonderful, it’s like we’re teenagers again…_

 

Lily turned around a corner and Severus followed a moment later. The sight that greeted him was not one he was expecting.

Just in front of the swirling stairway that led to Dumbledore’s office, Lily had stopped and was looking in mild surprise at the Headmaster and the four Heads of Houses. She turned her head to look at Severus, her green eyes squinted in confusion.

Severus recovered quickly. “Why, Headmaster,” he drawled, “We were just coming to you.”

Albus Dumbledore looked at him gravely, his bright blue eyes wide with apprehension. “So you know too, Severus?”

Snape frowned. This was unlike the Headmaster. He had expected a witty retort, accompanied by the damned twinkle in the old man’s eyes. _What is going on?_ He cleared his throat. “Know what?” he asked.

“We were just coming to your office,” Lily added, “We wanted to speak with you.” She looked at McGonagall, “What is happening?”

The Head of Gryffindor House eyed them somberly, her thin lips pursed with worry, and wordlessly gave Lily the copy of the _Daily Prophet_ she was holding. Lily lifted it up so both she and Severus could take a look.

On the first page, with huge print, Severus saw a headline that made his heart skip a beat:

**MINISTER OF MAGIC MURDERED!**

His black eyes skimmed over the photo of Millicent Bagnold and stared almost blankly at the text. She had been found dead in her office early this morning by Crouch Sr. The Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement had stated that this was an assassination that was carried out by Death Eaters. They even had identified the killer because he had dropped his wand while the Minister had fought for her life. His gaze scrolled down…

… and he came face to face with an old photo of his, taken during the Yule Ball in Malfoy Manor three years ago. And atop it…

**HAVE YOU SEEN THIS WIZARD?**

Lily gasped in shock. She looked up at him. “Sev, what…?”

Snape ignored her for the moment and continued to read.

_…The culprit is to be considered armed and dangerous. He is known for criminal affiliations with the Death Eaters. The investigation of the wand left at the crime scene confirmed that Severus Snape is also guilty of the murder of Sirius Black who was found dead in Knockturn Alley on November the 5 th. Garrick Ollivander confirmed to the authorities that the wand belongs to Snape and oversaw the Priori Incantatem. This continues the recent pattern of murders carried out by the Death Eaters…_

It went on and on like this. Severus’ head was spinning. _No… no… We can’t escape now…_ He met Lily’s eyes. She was looking up at him, frightened and confused.

“Oh, Sev…” she whispered, “What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted.

“Look at the bottom of the page, Severus,” Dumbledore said softly.

He did so.

_…Recent investigation suggests that Severus Snape has gone in hiding. Witnesses saw him heading towards the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The Department of Magical Law Enforcement is conducting a manhunt and has expressed concerns that agents of the Death Eaters may have infiltrated Hogwarts itself._

“Merlin’s balls…” Snape swore silently and looked at Dumbledore. _So what now, old man? You’re finally going to discard me?_ “So, what now, Headmaster?”

The old man sighed. “I’m afraid they’ll come for you, Severus,” he said. “And soon.”

“So should I wait for them outside or would you prefer to hand me to the Aurors yourself?” Snape sneered. Lily gasped.

Dumbledore looked at him. And for the first time in his life, Severus felt that he was now staring at the real man. Not the amiable, funny Headmaster or the determined leader of the Order of the Phoenix. He then turned to McGonagall. “Pomona,” he said, “Gather all the children into the Great Hall. Tell the prefects that they are to gather all their possessions and pack for home.” She nodded and went. “Filius, Horace,” the Heads of Ravenclaw and Slytherin looked at him expectantly, “Arrange for the Hogwarts Express to arrive at the Hogsmeade Station in the afternoon.” They hurried off to carry Dumbledore’s orders. “Minerva, send letters to the parents to inform them that the term is over and the children would arrive at King’s Cross this evening.”

As McGonagall went on her way, Lily turned back to the Headmaster and said, “What are you doing? You’re not going to betray Sev, are you?” Her voice was dripping with hostility. Severus realized that it had made him smirk. _Look at her, trying to protect me._ “You _know_ he’s innocent!”

“Lily, my dear,” Dumbledore raised his hands in a protective gesture, “Calm down… I…”

“No, I won’t calm down!” she cried, piercing the old man with a murderous glare, “Ever since I came here, all you’re doing is telling me how I should calm down and let you in charge of my life! Enough! I’m not a student anymore! I don’t know what madness has possessed Crouch but if you want to give Sev to him, you’ll have to go through me too!” With that she drew her wand and pointed it at Dumbledore.

“Lily, wait…” Severus said softly. She looked back at him and his heart clenched in pain as he saw the tears that were starting to spill from her angry green eyes. Snape reached out a hand to her, slowly and hesitantly, and cupped her cheek, wiping an errant tear with his thumb.

She started crying then and threw herself at him, hugging him so fiercely that he almost lost balance. “I don’t want to lose you, Sev,” she sobbed, “I can’t!”

The one thing that surprised Severus the most was that his mind did not jump back to that dark, primal place he expected it to after he realized he was holding Lily almost as close as he did in his lusty dreams. Instead, all he thought about was that the love of his life was in distress and he had to comfort her. Somehow. Severus knew he was not cut out for this. _Damn you, you miserable, pathetic idiot! Say something to her!_

“Lily,” he muttered, “Lily, it’s alright, I’m not going anywhere. It’s alright. I’m not going to abandon you.”

She looked up at him, “But what about _him_?” she nodded towards Dumbledore. “I won’t let him take you away, I won’t…”

Severus narrowed his eyes at the old man. Dumbledore was standing there, completely calm. He never made a move to defend himself after Lily drew her wand on him.

“Severus,” he said softly, “Once I told you that you have earned my trust and friendship.” Snape said nothing, still holding Lily in his arms. “You and Lily apparently do not think much of me, if you think that I will betray you to Voldemort. Yes,” he nodded when Lily frowned in confusion, “through all of this, I see Voldemort’s hand, hungry for revenge perhaps. I will not abandon you, Severus,” he shook his head, “Nor you, Lily. I am afraid, however, that the war will finally come to Hogwarts.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**November 7, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

 

“Oh, Narcissa…” Lily groaned, her voice trembling with sorrow. “What am I going to do? He’s gone, and it’s all my fault!”

The blonde looked at her with worry in her pale eyes. She patted Lily’s hand hesitantly and said, “Hey… Don’t despair. I… I’m sure that everything will be alright. You’ll see.”

Lily shook her head and drove a hand through her red hair, sighing sadly. Even the sight of Harry playing with Draco on the thick carpet in front of them couldn’t lift her spirits. _Lily Evans, how could you be such… such a bitch to him?!_

Perhaps this was what she deserved, a tiny voice whispered from within the depths of her heart. What she brought to herself. To lose everyone she ever cared about. Her parents were dead, her sister loathed her… _Yes, and James, and Sirius, and so many friends…_ And now _him_. Suddenly, she felt like a cold finger slithered across her spine and she looked at Harry. _Will I lose him too, one day?_

She gazed down at her hand and had an almost physical reaction of self-disgust. _How could I?_ _After all he did for me, for Harry…_  

Throughout her life, people thought of Lily as someone whose fortune always smiled at her. She was born in a good home, and never lacked for anything. Well, they haven’t been _rich_ like, say, the Malfoys or the Blacks, but the Evans family had been well-off. So many years ago, when she first met Sev, she could never even imagine that a child that lived so close could lack basic things like proper food and clothes. Later-on, she was often told that she was such a smart girl, such a pretty girl… And to top it all, she had been blessed with the ability to do magic. _Seriously, Lily, how many muggles could only dream to have that power?_ She grew up to become a Head Girl in Hogwarts, to marry a man as dashing and coveted as James, to have a beautiful baby… So many women would state with badly hidden envy that she was lucky… And yet…

…There was more than that. No matter how good of a childhood she had, no matter how well she managed to grow up… Lily Evans was slowly losing everything. It felt like she was bleeding to death, and there was nothing that she could do to stop it. And it was always her fault.

 _If I was at home when Mum got sick… If I had stayed with Dad instead of running away with James… If I had shown Tuney that she was still my big sister, even if I was a witch and she was a muggle…_ And James… He died trying to protect her… her and Harry, who was the prey that Voldemort was seeking. _Had I not married James and given him a son who would become a mass murderer’s target, he’d still be alive._ So much guilt… _If I had spoken with Sirius… If I only managed to convince him to trust Sev, he wouldn’t have tried to follow him and get killed…_ And then, there was Sev as well.

Sev, who had been a part of her life for so long that she had never been completely and fully happy during those five years after the end of their friendship – not even on her wedding day or when Harry was born and cried for the first time, because even then she had felt that something... no, _someone_ was missing. Someone who was a part of her life, as much as she was part of his. _Sev should have been there. Had he been, I would have made him Harry’s godfather instead of Sirius, even if James would have hated the idea._

Sev, who had been the first person to witness her blooming magic. Who showed her that this power something that was to be embraced and celebrated, not feared. Because of his assurance and acceptance early in her life, she had managed to adjust so easily to the Wizarding World when the time came.

Sev, who had begged for her forgiveness, only to get shunned and hurt. _And now I did it again._  

Lily needed to distract herself. This was unbearable. She turned to Narcissa who was staring at the children on the floor with a distant look in her eyes. _She is afraid too. To the Order, Lucius might be an enemy, but to her he is her husband and the father of her child._

“Narcissa,” she called softly.

“Hm?” the blonde replied absent-mindedly then turned her head to look at Lily.

“How did you and Lucius…” Narcissa frowned slightly, a thin line appearing between her eyebrows, “How did you two got together? I don’t remember seeing you that often in each other’s company back then.” In his days in school, Lucius Malfoy had been something akin to a leader to the group of Slytherins who later joined Voldemort and became the Death Eaters that the Order of the Phoenix was now fighting against. Sev had spent so much time trying to get in his good graces… Narcissa, on the other hand, had always seemed like she was more solitary and quiet. She had often been side by side with her sister Bellatrix and their cousin Regulus, but didn’t seem to be especially close to the other Death Eaters-to-be. The only times when Lily actually noticed her was when Sirius was quarreling with them. And that happened often enough, especially in the first few years in Hogwarts. And even then Narcissa seemed like the most level-headed one among the Blacks. 

“Oh,” Narcissa said and stayed silent for a while. Then a small smile appeared on her lips. “I always knew you Gryffindors were an awfully curious lot.”

Lily blushed. “Sorry. It’s none of my business, I know. It’s just…”

“You want to take your mind off what happened earlier. I understand.”

“Well, yes,” Lily shrugged. “But it’s not only that,” she nodded to Harry and Draco, lost in their games. “Look at them, they get along so well.”

“They do, don’t they?” Narcissa smiled.

“And I thought, there is no reason for us not to be friends as well. If for nothing else, then for our children’s sake. And it’s not like we’ve antagonized each other, so I see no reason not to try.”

“Neither of us is fighting in the bloody war anyway,” Narcissa remarked and looked at Lily. “I agree, Lily.” She looked around with an air that was giving the impression that Hogwarts was not a place she wanted to be in. “I could use a friend in this damned castle,” the blonde muttered bitterly.

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“You and Lucius. How did you get together.”

Narcissa rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she huffed, “but I’m getting a story from you in return.”

“About what?” Lily raised an eyebrow.

“I want to know how you met him.”

Lily frowned. “James?” She thought that the whole school knew _that_ story. Then again, by the time she started dating him, Narcissa had already graduated.

Narcissa looked at her as if her feet had just turned into hooves. “No, not Potter, Lily. Severus. I want to know how you met Severus. You two were best friends even when you came to Hogwarts for your 1st year.”

“Oh…” Lily was briefly lost in sweet memories, but managed to quickly regain her attention and composure. “Alright. But you go first,” she smirked.

Narcissa shrugged. “As you wish.” She sighed. “Back in school, I never really _cared_ for Lucius. Oh, sure,” she waved a hand, “He was the most handsome boy in Slytherin, his father was rich and all that… All the other Slytherin girls fancied him like mad.” That was true enough, and more, Lily thought. Lucius Malfoy had had many admirers in the other Houses as well, even in Gryffindor, the sworn enemies of Slytherin. “I, however,” Narcissa continued, “found him to be arrogant and full of himself.” Lily smiled, thinking how she had initially gained much the same impression about James. “That is,” Narcissa smiled as well, “until our 6 th year. I had made the mistake to agree to go on a date with Thorfin Rowle,” she made a face, “Complete plonker, that one. When I heard the Ministry caught him and sent him to Azkaban last month, I was glad.” Lily didn’t say anything, sensing that Narcissa’s ire was genuine. “Anyway,” the blonde shrugged and continued, “It was during the winter break, and we had gone to Hogsmeade. By the time we arrived there, I was already bored out of my mind and wanted only to get out. Rowle was regaling me with made-up stories about how great he was. I guess he thought that had made me excited, because at one point he grabbed me by the arm, shoved me into an alley between two houses and tried to force a kiss on me.” Lily frowned and opened her mouth, ready to say a few chosen words about this Thorfin Rowle, when Narcissa raised a hand to stop her and resumed her story, “It all happened so sudden and fast that I never even thought to reach for my wand. And then, just as suddenly, he cried out and _flew_ up in the air like a bludger. I looked around and saw Lucius standing there, pointing his wand at Rowle. He slammed him into a roof and tossed him back in the snow. When the git managed to get up and see who had attacked him, he paled and ran like a cur,” Narcissa’s lips twisted into a lopsided smirk. “He came to me and helped me get up, and saw me safely back to Hogwarts. That’s when I started noticing Lucius beyond his looks and his money.”

Lily was actually impressed. _Who would have known?_ Lucius Malfoy acting almost like a knight in shining armor _…_  It sounded bloody ridiculous, considering what a nasty opponent he always had been for the Order. But the look in Narcissa’s blue eyes and the uncharacteristically humble and pleased tone in her voice had convinced Lily that what she heard was the truth.

“So, this is when you started dating him?” she asked.

“No,” the blonde shook her head. “That is a different story, for another time. Now, I believe, it’s my turn. How did _you_ meet Severus? No offence, Lily,” she shrugged, “but even back in school, you were the two most different people on the face of the Earth. I want to know how you came to be such friends.”

Lily leaned back on her chair. Her hand came up to her face and her fingers started playing with strands of red hair. She recalled that day, on the old playground back in Cokeworth. But as she began talking, her mind drifted back into the sea of guilt that tormented her ever since this morning…

 

**_four hours earlier_ **

 

The arrival of the Aurors was not what everyone had expected. Lily had thought that they were going to sweep the whole castle, trying to find and arrest Sev. She was fully prepared to fight them if needed. If Crouch and his minions was truly so demented to actually believe that Sev had murdered Millicent Bagnold and Sirius, there was no telling how badly things could escalate. Lily was certain of one thing – if worst came to pass and Dumbledore failed to protect Sev, she would go down with him.

 

So she paced around her room, gripping her wand nervously. Sev was sitting in one of the armchairs, having turned its back towards the fireplace. He was watching her, his fingers drumming on the chair’s thick handles.

“Lily,” he said softly. “Calm down.”

She stopped in her tracks and turned towards him. “I can’t, Sev!” she replied, “All I can think of is that they’ll come and drag you to Azkaban. In fact,” she frowned and put her hands on her hips, annoyed, “How can _you_ be so calm?”

He sighed and averted his black eyes. “Lily…” he said hesitantly, “I care not what happens to me. The only thing that matters is your safety.”

“How can you say that?!” she cried, exasperated. Sev shrugged, as if the question itself was meaningless. Lily strode closer, “And even if you don’t care, _I_ do!”

Sev looked away, his face twisting as if he was in pain. “I’m not so certain that you should,” he muttered.

Sha stared blankly at him. “What?”

“Sit down, Lily,” he gestured at the other chair with his hand, “There is something I need to tell you. In case the old codger fails again and they come for me. I would prefer you to know.”

His voice was had always been a bit on the grave and serious side, but this time it sent chills down Lily’s back. Sev sounded like a man who was wrestling with something horrible that was eating at him from the inside. Suddenly, she felt scared.

“What are you talking about, Sev?” she said, her voice trembling slightly.

He stayed silent for a couple of moments. “Did Dumbledore ever told you _why_ the Dark Lord targeted you?”

She blinked, confused. “I… I never bothered to ask myself. I always assumed it was because of the Order.”

Sev grimaced. “Yes, you were certainly thorns at his side… but the Order of the Phoenix has other members, and he never bothered personally with them.” He sighed. “I hoped Dumbledore would have told you.”

“Told me what?”

“It’s Harry.”

“Harry?” she parroted, feeling almost lost. “What about Harry?” A part of her wanted to say that this was ridiculous, that Harry was just a baby and couldn’t possibly be any threat… But she remembered how, back on Hallowe’en Voldemort had went after Harry. And later, Crouch Jr. kidnapped Harry, when he could have tried to assassinate so many key members of the Order under the guise of Slughorn… _So targeting Harry was not just a way to hurt me?_ Was it possible that for Voldemort and his servants, she was nothing more than an obstacle? Sev’s words hinted at exactly this.

“Last year, there was a prophecy,” Sev said slowly. “A prophecy about a baby born in the summer. A baby who will have the power to vanquish the Dark Lord.”

“Sev, what are you talking about? A prophecy? This is inane!”

“You don’t believe it?”

“Harry is just a baby!”

“Lily,” Sev said slowly, as if he was talking to a daft person, “it doesn’t matter if the prophecy is correct, inane or even true. What matters is that the Dark Lord believes in it. Which puts your son in mortal danger. And that puts _you_ in mortal danger.” He drove a hand through his long black hair. “So even if I get arrested, you now know everything that the old man tried to keep secret. This is an advantage. Use the knowledge to protect Harry, and yourself.”

Lily took a deep breath. _One of these days, I will finally go nutters._ “Who made that prophecy?” she asked. “And how does Dumbledore knows about it?”

“The seer was named Sybill Trelawney,” Sev said. “She made the prophecy in the Hog’s Head at Hogsmeade. Dumbledore was the one who heard it.”

“I don’t understand,” Lily frowned. “How did You-Know-Who found about it, then? It’s not like Dumbledore would tell him. Did he capture this Trelawney woman?”

Sev closed his eyes and almost groaned. Lily frowned at this reaction. Very slowly, as if he felt a physical pain from uttering the words, he said, “No. As far as I know, she lives here, in Hogwarts.”

“But… if Dumbledore was the one who heard it, and she is safe here… How did it get to You-Know-Who?”

Sev sighed. “There was another man that night,” he muttered. “He eavesdropped while the prophecy was being spoken. Then he went to the Dark Lord and told him.”

Lily’s heart skipped a beat. The way Sev spoke… “Who was it?” Lily asked, her throat tight and her tummy fluttering with fear.

“Lily…”

That gave her the answer. A tear rolled down her cheek. “Why?” she whispered.

Sev raised his hands, as if to defend himself. His face was a mask of desperation. “Lily…” he muttered, “Please, you have to understand, _I didn’t know!_ The prophecy didn’t mention you! It spoke of a child born in the summer, nothing more!” He tried to reach out to her, but she shied away from his hand. He flinched and lowered it down. “Lily, please,” he begged, “I’m sorry!”

Suddenly, she couldn’t look at him anymore. Lily rose up from the chair and went to the window, hoping that the grey autumn sky that surrounded the castle would help her calm down. She heard the floor creaking as Sev got up as well.

“Lily,” he said, “The moment he targeted you, I went to Dumbledore. Then I found you. Please, I swear, I did not mean to betray you. I didn’t know.”

Lily felt so tired that she was suddenly afraid that she would simply lose it and keel over. Without turning to look at Sev, she said, “And what if he _hadn’t_ targeted us?”

“What?”

“You heard me, Sev,” she was rubbing the temples on her head, as if that could ease what she just heard. “What if he had targeted someone else? Surely there were other children born in the summer. What would you have done then? Would you still have gone over to Dumbledore? Would you still have tried to save them?”

“I… Lily, I don’t get it…”

That made her angry. With a burst of energy that felt hot and demanding inside her bones, she twirled around and slapped him, right across the cheek. The sound echoed in the room. Sev stumbled backwards. There was only one other time when she had seen such terror in his coal-black eyes. And much like the last time, he had failed to understand. _Does he even know right from wrong?_

“How can you not get it?!” she roared at him. He stepped back, completely horrified. “You heard that a child was going to defeat him and what did you do? You went and told him, _SO HE COULD KILL THAT CHILD!!!_ ”

“I didn’t know that he would go after you!” Sev cried in defense. “If I knew, I would have gone to you immediately!”

“And what if you knew that it _wasn’t_ me and my child, Severus?” She demanded angrily. “What if it was Narcissa and Draco, or Alice Longbottom and her boy, or whomever? Huh? What would you have done then?” His lack of answer only stoked the fire of her anger. “That’s what I thought,” she spat. “Just like in the 5 th year!”

“What?!” this time, she could hear slight traces of ire in the deep voice that now boomed at her. “ _I begged you!_ ” he hissed. “I begged you to forgive me! I regretted calling you that name the moment it happened!”

“YOU STILL DON’T GET IT, DO YOU?!” Lily was on the edge of hysteria. “No, really, tell me! Why do you think I was so angry?”

He frowned. “I insulted you. Why else?”

Lily was stunned. _He really doesn’t get it… Oh, Merlin…_  And then, as suddenly, as it had appeared, her rage dissolved. She shielded her face with her palms and took a deep breath, trying to slow her heartbeat down.

She brushed past him and sat back in the chair. “Sev,” she said, “I never cared about the insult. Do you really think that I care about something as superficial as being called a _mudblood_? I am not ashamed of who my parents are. What hurt me back then,” she put her feet on the armchair’s seat and hugged her knees, “is the fact that you used _that_ to lash out. To you, that was the tool to use when you felt threatened and hurt. To you, that was the worst thing that you could have said to me. To you, the word itself was already something insulting and dirty. And to me, that meant that you finally became like Malfoy, Mulciber, Avery and the rest of them.” She looked up at him. He was staring at her, his lips parted as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t form the right words. _Just as well. It’s better for him to keep his mouth shut right now_. “When you came to my aid on Hallowe’en, I thought that you had changed,” she confessed. “I was glad to have you back, but I was even happier to think that you had realized how wrong your path was. Now I see that I was wrong.”

Before Sev could answer, they heard a swooshing noise in the fireplace and an emerald glow bathed the room. Lily turned her head and saw Albus Dumbledore’s grandfatherly face appear inside the green flames.

“Lily, Severus,” he said. If the Headmaster had noticed the tension in the room, he made no mention of it. “Would you please come into my office. We must discuss something important.”

Lily got up and went to the fireplace without looking at Sev.

 

When she stepped out of the green fire into the Headmaster’s Office, she noticed that he wasn’t alone. McGonagall was there too, and she finally saw who were the Aurors sent by the Ministry to arrest Sev. Alastor Moody gave her a polite nod. Behind him stood two men that Lily didn’t know. One was large and black-skinned, his bald head shiny and his big arms crossed. The other was shorter and thinner, with a thick mane of tawny hair. Because of it and his keen yellowish eyes, he looked a bit like a lion.

“Ah,” Dumbledore himself was seated behind his massive desk. His face was lined with worry. “Lily. Welcome. You know Alastor, of course. The other two gentlemen here are Kingsley Shacklebolt and Rufus Scrimgeour.” They nodded in turn.

She heard Sev stepping out of the fireplace and almost turned to look at him.

“Moody,” he said.

“Snape,” the grizzled veteran answered.

“Don’t worry, my friends,” Dumbledore said. “Alastor and his colleagues are not here to fight us. They bring news.”

“Aye,” Moody answered and shook his head. “I never believed that they would crawl into the Ministry itself.”

“Minister Bagnold _was_ murdered,” Rufus Scrimgeour said, “The Auror office knows that you, Mr. Snape, were not the one who did it, but they just wanted to create panic with their little article in the _Prophet_. That’s what dark wizards excel at.”

“Who is the killer?” Sev asked.

“We suspect Augustus Rookwood,” Scrimgeour answered. “Ever since Bagnold died and Crouch took her place, he’s rarely seen into his own Department. He spends almost all of his time in the Minister’s office.”

Moody growled and spat on the thick carpet. McGonagall pursed her lips and sent a silent _Scourgify_ at it. “I knew that rat was up to no good for almost a month now,” he confessed. “Never managed to get no proof.”

Scrimgeour shrugged. “My personal suspicion is that he’s keeping Crouch under the Imperius.”

“But can’t you do anything?!” Lily was aghast. She imagined the Ministry, infiltrated by Voldemort’s agents. Who knew how deep the corruption went?

“We tried,” Shacklebolt’s voice was deeper than Sev’s, and full of sorrow. “And now Crouch has imprisoned Frank and Alice Longbottom. They stand accused of treason. That’s why we came to Dumbledore, Mrs. Potter.”

Lily felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach. Frank and Alice were two of the sweetest and most kind-hearted people she knew.

“I know Rookwood,” Sev said. This time Lily turned to look at him, wondering where he was going with this. “He’s a Death Eater, one of the inner circle.”

“And you waited until now to tell us?!” Moody’s gruff voice boomed inside the office.

“Alastor,” Dumbledore raised a hand placatingly. “Severus told me long ago, but I insisted that we keep the information secret.”

The veteran turned to the Headmaster, his scarred face twisted into a grimace of disbelief. “Why?” he croaked.

“I assure you, my friend, at the time I never thought he would do something like this. My reason was that it was better to know who Voldemort’s spy was. Had we removed Augustus, Voldemort would have found another to fill his place, someone who was unknown to Severus.”

Moody muttered a curse and shook his head. Rufus Scrimgeour cleared his throat and said, “I understand. Better to deal with an evil you know. However, looking at it now…”

“I made a mistake,” Dumbledore admitted softly and looked down at his hands. “It’s not the first one, my friends.”

“Headmaster,” Sev said and all eyes turned to him. “If I may, I see an opportunity here.”

Dumbledore looked at him and raised his eyebrows. “Severus…” he muttered, “Are you sure?”

He shrugged. “With a bit of luck, we might manage to take Rookwood down and free Crouch and the Longbottoms. And if we fail, the war will not get any worse than it is now.”

Lily frowned. What was he talking about? Sev walked past her, never looking at her. He stood in front of the three Aurors and brought his hands forward. “You found your assassin,” he said, “Take me to the Ministry.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

**November** **7** **, 1981, The Ministry of Magic**

 

Lucius Malfoy stared blankly into nothing as he sipped his glass of firewhisky. Bagnold's eyes still seemed to haunt him.  _Damn Severus,_  he thought as the alcohol sloshed hot on his tongue and he fought a cough.  _He forced me to become a murderer._

That wasn't something Lucius was about to confess openly… but Millicent Bagnold was the first person he ever killed in cold blood. Oh, sure, there had been all those battles when he probably at least  _contributed_  to people's deaths as well all the muggles he had overseen being given to the Lestranges… But Millicent Bagnold was the first time when he looked at another human being and single-handedly ended their life. He heard her last words, he saw the plea for mercy in her eyes, and he killed her.

And he hated it.

He shot a glance at Crouch. The Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, who was now also the acting Minister of Magic, was simply sitting behind Bagnold's huge desk, gazing at the wall with an empty stare.  _A remarkably useful spell, the Imperius,_  Lucius mused.  _Perhaps I can use it if the Dark Lord ever falls… Yes, who can say that I wasn't Imperiused to serve him?_  He could say that he was targeted because of his fortune… And that wouldn't be even  _that_  huge of a lie.  _And if anyone doubts it, I'll just buy them off. Yes, the Imperius for me. Must survive this war, no matter what. For Narcissa and Draco._

Well, for all it was worth, he  _might_  have been Imperiused.  _It's not like the decision was ever mine_. Lucius drank up the rest of the firewhisky and eyed the crystal glass. It was a fine craftsmanship. It reminded him of home and the way his father used to lock himself into his solar to drink himself half to death after meetings with the Dark Lord.

 _And here I am now_. Lucius reached for the bottle of firewhisky, then hesitated. He shrugged, threw the glass on the floor, where it bounced on the thick carpet, and took the whole bottle. Crouch never even moved an eye to acknowledge this.

"How are you feeling, old chap?" Lucius tried to mock Crouch, but the laugh died before it even reached his throat.  _Damn Severus. Damn Bagnold. Damn the Dark Lord._  And, regardless, Crouch didn't move at all, staring like a statue into the empty air. Lucius took a heavy swig, forcing the strong liquid down his gullet. "You see, Crouch," Lucius began again. The need for noise was just too great. He had to distract himself with something,  _anything_ , or else his eyes always tried to glance at the spot where Bagnold's lifeless body had fallen. The thick carpet was empty of course, the former Minister was carried out hours ago, but still.  _Hours… It feels like ages to me._ "This is why your side will lose," Lucius punctuated his words by waving the bottle in his hand, "You always underestimated us," No response, no reaction. Lucius was disappointed. "Even your son. You always underestimated him. And so the Dark Lord welcomed Barty with open arms. He didn't hesitate to die for him. " This time Lucius thought that he glimpsed a bead of sweat trickling down Crouch's cheek.  _Interesting…_

Just as he was about to pursue this further, the heavy door of the Minister's office opened and Rookwood entered. His thin, pock-marked face was graced with an ugly smile. Lucius grimaced. The spy was the last person he wanted to see. He raised the bottle in the air as a mocking salute and took yet another deep sip.

"Good news, Malfoy," Rookwood sneered. "I received word from Moody, Shacklebolt and Scrimgeour. Guess what? They have captured Snape! They're bringing him here in less than half an hour!"

Lucius frowned. "How did they manage to do it?"

The spy shrugged and plunged himself into one of the huge armchairs that adorned the office. "The power of conviction, mate," he replied cheerfully. "After all, we  _do_  hold their friends prisoner."

Lucius took another swig. The firewhisky was beginning to blur all his thoughts into a single, warm puddle.  _Perfect_. Though he still remembered what had happened earlier today. The five Aurors had charged into the office at Crouch's summons, wands ready for a fight with the Dark Lord himself.  _Not that this rabble would have stood a chance_. Lucius himself had retreated back into the passage behind the walls and Rookwood had closed the secret door in the fireplace. And yet, when he pressed his ear to the stone, Lucius could hear every word that was being spoken. By that time, Crouch was already placed under the Imperius by Rookwood. When the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement had arrived and glimpsed Bagnold's corpse, he froze just for a moment, before he tried to whip out his wand and turn around. It had been too late. The spy was prepared and enslaved his mind in less than a second. And so when the five Aurors came, Crouch already had orders for them. The Longbottoms had questioned him.  _Dumbledore trusts Snape_ , they had said.  _There must be some mistake._  And now they were locked in the Courtrooms, accused of treason. Their fellows had taken the hint quickly enough and hurried off to Hogwarts to arrest Severus. Lucius had feared that they may cook up some betrayal, but Rookwood had waved him off. He knew Alastor Moody too well. The veteran looked at most Aurors as if they were his pupils. Many of them had been. He would never risk Alice and Frank Longbottom's lives for Severus' sake. Or so the spy claimed. Lucius shrugged, vaguely aware how strange the gesture looked in the silence, and took a hefty swallow of the firewhisky.  _This will all be over before nightfall._

"Very well," he said to Rookwood. "Did you take care of the other problem?"

"It's done. The Floo path is clear."

Lucius stood up and wobbled for a heartbeat, before he managed to compose himself.  _You are not to look weak in front of such as him_. He could recall his father's brutal insistence that a Malfoy always had to look dignified and powerful. So Lucius straightened his shoulders and lifted his chin. He drew his wand and twirled it around himself, silently casting the Disillusionment Charm. The spell had an unpleasant feel to it as it spread around your body, but the firewhisky did a good job of dimming that down.  _Well, at least it will allow me to walk unnoticed through the halls instead of sneaking around like a cockroach._

Rookwood smirked and turned his gaze to Crouch. "Up, you old sod," he laughed. "We have work to do."

The Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement obeyed without a moment of hesitation. His gaze was empty.

The three went through the corridors of the Ministry. Lucius was walking in the middle, half a step behind Crouch and Rookwood. This way, there was no risk of revealing his presence by accidentally bumping into someone.  _This is a new sensation_ , he thought as a couple of witches walked past them and politely greeted the new Deputy Minister and even nodded to Rookwood. They never noticed him. This was unusual and just a tad unsettling, but one had to improvise to serve his master.  _After this war is done, you will all bow to me anyway_.

The journey down to the Courtrooms didn't take a long time, but to Lucius it felt like an eternity.  _I should have taken the bottle with me_. On the other hand, one never knew just how badly a situation could unravel. The Knockturn Alley folly had imparted this lesson on Lucius quite well.

Lucius took a deep breath when they finally entered the designated Courtroom. It was huge. The walls of black stone were so tall that one could barely see the arched ceiling. Rows of benches were leveled against each wall and the only light came from the torches that crackled all across the ancient hall. The Courtroom itself was empty. Well, at least if one didn't count the two people seated chained in the two chairs in the middle of the marble floor.

The Longbottoms looked at them with eyes full of animosity. Frank's mouth twitched in anger as his gaze found them.

"Crouch," the Auror snarled, "Unhand us at once. This is a farce, and you know it."

Crouch did not answer, but Rookwood laughed, "No can't do, mate. There's a trial coming."

Frank Longbottom huffed and shook his head. His wife spoke up, "And what are the charges against us? This lunacy about treason?"

Rookwood lifted his hand and started counting theatrically on his fingers. "Consorting with Death Eaters, obstruction of justice and possibly assisting in Millicent Bagnold's murder." He clicked with his tongue, "It doesn't look good, does it? Alas, we live in such times when Ministry employees turn out to be criminals."

Alice Longbottom looked at Crouch, "Barty, this is insane. And you know it."

Barty, of course, said nothing, but Lucius could notice a vein pulsing on his neck.  _Could it be that he's trying to fight the Imperius?_  Suddenly, Lucius decided that he'd had enough of this. Rookwood enjoyed toying with the Longbottoms, but the game was too far from being won to allow a worm like him to gloat.

He stepped forward and with a flick of his wand removed the Disillusionment Charm. Alice Longbottom looked at him with wide eyes, full of shock. Her husband started cursing and twisting in his chair. "I knew it!" he roared. "I knew it! Rookwood, you bastard!"

The spy laughed in the Auror's face.

"Enough!" Lucius voice boomed in the empty Courtroom. "Augustus, go outside and wait for the others. It's nearly time."

Lucius had heard such commands many times in his life. Abraxas Malfoy had been a stern and demanding father. And he couldn't even compare to the Dark Lord. Lucius had learned how to force people to obey without the use of spells the hard way. It worked now, as it had always had. Rookwood gave him a dark look, but he  _did_  obey.

Once he left, Lucius turned to the bound Auror pair who were looking at him with open hatred in their eyes.

"Just wait until I get out of those chains, you filthy, fucking bas…" Frank Longbottom groaned in pain when Lucius slapped him across the face with the back of his hand. He had neither the patience, nor the time for such melodrama.

"Frank!" cried his wife, twisting in her chair like a captured animal. "You  _monster_! Don't you dare hurt him!"

"Shut up," Lucius commanded softly, wishing that he had taken the bottle of firewhisky after all. "I don't care about either of you. You are not important enough for the Dark Lord, and you're certainly not important enough for me. So spare me the curses and the threats. You had one purpose, and one purpose only. And it has already been fulfilled."

"And what  _is_  this purpose of yours?" Frank Longbottom hissed.

"To be the bait," Lucius answered simply. He turned his back on the two bound Aurors and looked towards a fireplace that gaped in the black stone wall. With a flick of his wand it filled with crackling flames that added to the dim orange light of the torches.

"You're insane," Longbottom declared. Lucius turned to face him, an eyebrow raised. "Even if Alastor, Kingsley and Rufus arrest Snape and bring him to you, they won't stand for a minute to be extorted. You think we're afraid of you? You'll be kissing the dementors in Azkaban before you know it."

"Believe it or not, Longbottom, I  _did_  thought of that. But when your friends come, I won't be alone."

"You think Rookwood will help you?" The Auror snorted with contempt. "That little traitor will slink off the moment he smells trouble."

"Who said I was talking about Rookwood?"  _That_  shut Longbottom up.

Then the flames in the fireplace glowed green with a loud crackling. Just when Lucius turned to look at them, three figures emerged from the fire.

Lucius nodded at them and moved closer to Frank Longbottom. "You see," he said as Bellatrix and the Lestrange brothers removed their black hoods, "I am  _more_  than prepared for your friends. The truth, Longbottom, is that none of you will leave this Courtroom alive."

Then he felt the coldness that rolled from the fireplace and turned back his head to look.  _Dear Merlin, he did it... He really did it._ A pack of tall, skeletal shapes spilled forth from the fireplace, floating slowly in the air. They were covered in black shrouds and behind them rolled waves of despair. Frank Longbottom's face paled with terror.

Lucius took a deep breath and stepped back as the dementors started circling around the bound Aurors. Now all that they had to do was wait for Severus.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

**November** **7, 1981, The Ministry of Magic**

 

 

Everyone was staring at him. _They have all read the Prophet_. _I’m nothing but a murderer to them._ Severus forced himself to keep his eyes forward, never meeting the gazes of the witches and the wizards who were looking at them. He could still hear the murmurs and feel the glares.

He risked a sideways glance to the Auror on his right. Kingsley Shacklebolt was walking next to him, his big hand on his shoulder. Moody was leading the procession and Scrimgeour had the back. Severus thought that the black-skinned Auror looked nervous. He felt Severus’ gaze on him and turned his head. Snape didn’t need occlumency to read the thoughts that were boiling in the big man’s brown eyes. _Do not fear, I will play my part,_ he thought darkly and looked down at his chained hands.

Suddenly, Moody stopped as a tall youth with bright red hair hurried towards them, shouldering his way through the crowd.

“What’s going on, Weasley?” the veteran asked.

“I… I was told to inform you that Mr. Crouch is waiting for him in the Courtrooms,” the young man said softly.

“Already ready for a trial, eh?” Scrimgeour grunted from behind.

“Nah,” Moody waved a scarred hand, “He means to question him.” He exchanged a knowing look with his fellows and Severus himself. Then he turned to Weasley. “Very well, down we go then. Was Rookwood with him?”

“I… I think so.”

The old Auror nodded and headed towards the elevators.

 

Once the four of them were inside the lift, he turned to Severus and unlocked his chains with a flick of his wand.

“Do you have your wand ready?” he asked gravely.

“I do,” Severus replied as he began rubbing his wrists.

“Good. We must be swift. The Courtrooms are connected to the Floo network. Once we take Rookwood down, you get Crouch and go back to Hogwarts. Immediately. You don’t play at hero, got it?”

Severus frowned. “What about the Longbottoms?”

Rufus Scrimgeour cleared his throat. “You are not an Auror, Mr. Snape. You do not understand. We take care of our own. The only thing we require from you is to get Mr. Crouch to safety. We will take care of Rookwood and help Alice and Frank.”

Snape shook his head. _If those dunderheads are what stands before the Dark Lord and dominion over Britain, we’re doomed._ “I fear that it is you who don’t understand,” he snarled. “Rookwood is a spy, not a soldier. It is unlikely that he’s working alone. What we have here is more dangerous than you realize.”

“Why?” Moody grunted. “Are there more Death Eaters inside the Ministry that Dumbledore chose not to inform us of?”

“Not that I know of,” Severus admitted, “but that doesn’t mean that Rookwood couldn’t have gotten help from the _outside_.”

“Bah!” The veteran bristled. “I assure you, Snape, that the Ministry isn’t as lax and blind as Dumbledore likes to make it out.”

Severus chose not to reply. Just then the elevator reached its destination.

 

As they climbed out and started walking through the narrow hallway that led to the designated Courtroom, Severus felt a dark weight creeping slowly through his chest. They were utterly alone, for the first time since they entered the Ministry. What was going on? He shook his head. _I just have a lot on my mind, that is all. What happened with Lily today…_ Some fool somewhere had said that it was always best to speak the truth to those you love. _And what good did that do to me?_ Lily finally knew the truth. And despised him. _And so she should. I did betray her._ Sweet Merlin, why was it so bloody _cold_ here? Severus knew that the Courtrooms were deep beneath London but he could feel himself shaking underneath his black cloak. He looked at the Aurors. Moody was walking forward and so Severus could only watch his back, shoulders stiff and hands balled into fists. Scrimgeour and Shacklebolt looked about as uncomfortable as Snape himself felt. The vapor of their breaths was circling their faces like a silvery mist.

“Is it always so chilly down here?” Severus asked them. “Mind you, this is the first time I’m going to a courtroom.”

“No,” Kingsley Sahcklebolt said, a worried tinge inside his deep voice. “The Courtrooms are supposed to be _warm_.” Severus didn’t like that answer at all.

Then it dawned on him.

“Moody!” he hissed. “Get ready, I have a bad feeling about this…”

Then the hallway turned and bloomed into a massive narthex with a high ceiling. A huge door was barring the entrance to the Courtroom.

Before it stood Augustus Rookwood.

Severus had never liked the spy. There was something insidious about him, the way he was always so politely cheerful. His pock-marked face was always ready to flash smile at you, but that smile never reached his eyes. Now it was the same.

The cold was almost unbearable here. Severus’ head was beginning to hurt and his vision darkened. He was used to feeling like this. Serving under the Dark Lord soiled the soul itself. Usually, he was able to cheer himself up by thinking of the happy moments he and Lily had shared so many years ago… but now all his mind could conjure up was the slap she had given him, the tears in her eyes, the bitterness of her voice. Severus shook his head, desperately trying to clear his mind.

Meanwhile, Rookwood had stepped forward, his wand drawn.

“Stop, Moody,” he said. “I’ll take it from here.”

“Is Crouch inside?” the Auror nodded towards the door of the Courtroom.

“He is. He wants to interrogate the prisoner. Personally.”

“And what about Frank and Alice?”

The spy bared his teeth. “Don’t get cocky, old man. Give up Snape, and Mr. Crouch may be willing to negotiate about your friends.”

Severus decided that he’s had enough. “Augustus,” he called. Rookwood’s eyes narrowed and turned to him. “I think it’s time to stop with the theatrics. I told them.”

The spy’s mouth twitched and he raised his wand. _Too slow,_ Severus thought. _And too late_. The _Expelliarmus_ he sent smashed the wand out of Rookwood’s hand just before the beam of Moody’s Stunner hit him square in the chest.

The Death Eater flew back and smashed against the heavy door, crashing them open. The four men ran inside…

 

… The reaction of the tidal wave of cold and fear that hit them was almost physical. Severus felt his knees weaken painfully and he stumbled forth. He shivered, his breath came ragged and raw from his throat. And yet he couldn’t tear his eyes from the sight that bared itself before them.

The dementors were floating inside the huge Courtroom, a cloud of black despair given deathly life. Their shrouds were flapping in the freezing air. There were at least a dozen, all circling like vultures around two figures that sat slumped and chained in the middle of the Courtroom. A single glance at them was enough to Severus.

 

The Longbottoms were gone. Their souls consumed by the cold horrors that were hovering almost lazily around them.

 

His ears didn’t register Alastor Moody’s cry of anguish as he saw his friends. His eyes didn’t follow the ethereal white-blue gleam of the lynx and the lion as Shacklebolt and Scrimgeour unleashed their Patronuses towards the dementors.

Severus’ attention sank straight to the four figures that were watching from the benches that adorned the stone walls. Lucius and the Lestranges. Barty Crouch was behind them, his gaze empty and lifeless.

Bellatrix was cackling madly as she watched how Scrimgeour and Shacklebolt were desperately trying to chase the dementors away from the shells that once had been Alice and Frank Longbottom. Her husband and his brother were not as loud, but the pain of the Aurors had clearly intrigued them. Lucius, however, stood up, fixing Severus under his gaze. He slowly climbed down. As he did, he drew his wand from the elegant cane. Severus raised Sirius Black’s wand in response, ready to sell his life costly.

“ _Avada Kedavra!_ ”

“ _Sectusempra!_ ”

The spells literally collided into one another and for a heartbeat, the Courtroom was bathed in silent light.

Then everything plunged into explosions, shouts and the hissing of flying curses.

 

Moody roared and sent a thundering Blasting Curse towards the Lestrange brothers. Rabastan and Rodolphus managed to jump away. Rabastan groaned and fell on his side, but Rodolphus shot back a Killing Curse at the veteran. As Moody stepped away, the swirling green spear tore a smouldering hole in his billowing coat. The Auror seemed more angry than scared.

“Is that so, huh?” he growled. “Well, two can play this game!” he pointed his wand towards Lestrange. “ _Avada Kedavra!_ ”

The Death Eater barely managed to dodge the lethal blast that pierced the marble floor behind him. His brother managed to stand up and said nonchalantly, “I thought you lot were forbidden to use the Unforgivables.”

“Nobody here but us, lad,” Moody grinned an evil smile. “And you _will_ pay for what you did to them.”

Rabastan shrugged as his brother got up. “Well, that certainly makes it more interesting.”

 

In the center of the Courtroom, Shacklebolt had succeeded in driving the dementor pack away from the bodies of the Longbottoms. Rufus Scrimgeour’s lion Patronus had evaporated – now he was trying to climb towards Crouch and was casting Shield Charms at the same time, as he was under a constant assault of hexes and curses from the laughing Bellatrix.

 

Severus was fighting against Lucius. _So many years and now we’re trying to end each other_. The man who had been his friend looked terrible. His face was ashen and his eyes had sunken beneath deep shadows.

“Give up, Severus,” he snarled and sent another emerald ray towards Snape.

Snape levitated one of the benches and used it to block the Killing Curse. The wood exploded into a cloud of green flames and charred splinters.

“Why should I?” he answered. “So the Dark Lord can torture me before he kills me?”

“You brought this on yourself!” Lucius tried to hit him with a Stunner, but his aim was sloppy and Severus managed to easily sidestep the scarlet beam.

“And what would you have done, Lucius?” Severus shot back. “What would _you_ have done if he had threatened to kill Narcissa?”

Snape expected a biting retort from his former friend. _Something along the lines that Lily is not my wife. Or that I’m a pervert for pining after a mudblood. Something like that_. The blonde Death Eater, however, just bared his white teeth, reached behind his belt under the mantle and drew a second wand. _Severus’_ wand. He pointed both at Snape.

“He already did,” Lucius muttered.

“You were the one who murdered Bagnold,” Severus said with an empty voice.

“I had no choice!” Lucius used both wands to send such a powerful _Expulso_ at Severus’ feet that the black-haired wizard was thrown back by the blast’s blue wave.  

 

Alastor Moody roared when a bolt of purple flame hit him in the face. He fell on one knee, but didn’t drop his wand. The left side of his cheek was a bloodied ruin of seared flesh. His eye was gone. He grinned at the Lestrange brothers. The sight was horrific.

“That all you got, boys?”

The two Death Eaters looked at each other and said, “ _Crucio!_ ”

Then the veteran started screaming in pain.

 

Kingsley Shacklebolt heard his friend’s cry of anguish and turned his head. He turned his back on the dementors, leaving the silvery lynx Patronus to chase them through the air and ran back towards the middle of the Courtroom.

“Alastor!” he cried.

Rabastan Lestrange turned his head and sent a lazy Killing Curse at the younger Auror. Shacklebolt literally _lunged_ forward, rolling on the floor just millimeters under the green ray. His momentum carried him forward and he tackled the Death Eater before he could launch another offensive. Kingsley’s big hand coiled into a fist and he smashed it against Lestrange’s face without a moment of hesitation.

That distracted Rodolphus, he stopped torturing Moody and turned his wand towards Shacklebolt.

“ _Avada…_ ”

“ _Avada Kedavra!_ ”

A flash of green and Rodolphus Lestrange fell down like a doll.

Shacklebolt looked at Moody. The older man’s face was a nightmare. But the frightening thing was not the terrible wound or the missing eye. It was the look in his _other_ eye. The look of pure hatred and rage. And the triumphant grimace. He still gripped his wand, pointed towards Rodolphus Lestrange’s corpse.

“Help me get up!” barked Moody. “We have three more to take care of.”

 

Scrimgeour was not faring well against Bellatrix. The mad witch had taken control over Crouch’s already Imperiused mind and was using him like a puppet to distract the Auror and shield herself from his attacks.

“Merlin’s balls!” Scrimgeour swore angrily as he jumped behind a bench to evade a ball of crackling yellow fire.

He didn’t dare to use excessive force against Crouch. The Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement was a victim in all of this. Worse, he was his _boss_. But Bellatrix Lestrange was determined not to leave him with a way out.

“Come out, come out, little Auror!” she cackled. “Or are you afraid to play with Barty and me?”

“Oh, _bugger it!_ ” Rufus Scrimgeour got up and pointed his wand at Crouch. “ _Stupefy!_ ” He almost winced when the old man flew back the steps and rolled towards the marble floor. Now he could take care of the bloody bitch…

Suddenly, the Auror felt a horrible cold. He turned around. Kingsley Shacklebolt’s Patronus had lost control over the dementors and the damned creatures had dispersed all around the Courtroom, seeking prey. One was floating straight at Scrimgeour.

“ _Expecto Patronum!_ ” he roared. The dementor seemed almost surprised when the silvery lion materialized in thin air and pounced at it with claws and fangs of bright light.

Scrimgeour turned…

… And found himself face to face with another dementor. The thing had managed to sneak behind him. Before he could even raise his wand, the dementor closed in. The rattling breath of the creature and its decaying skin underneath the black shroud were disgusting… but weren’t nearly half as bad as the cold. Rufus Scrimgeour could faintly hear Bellatrix’s voice, then he thought he glimpsed a flash of green light and then there was only blackness.  

 

Severus scrambled to get back on his feet. His ears were ringing. His head was spinning. The _Expulso_ that Lucius had thrown at him had dug out a crater in the marble. He could barely make out the form of Lucius through the smoke, but he knew that he was prepared for another attack. There was only one thing he could do.

“ _Oppungo!_ ” he muttered, pointing at the smouldering rabble, then at Lucius.

When the stones swirled in the air like a flock of birds, Lucius looked puzzled for a moment. Then they _shot_ themselves at him and he stepped back in panic. A few managed to hit him, drawing grunts of pain from the blonde Death Eater. He quickly threw up a Shield Charm, but the respite was enough for Severus.

He got up and looked around. What he saw was not to his liking. Crouch Sr. was lying on the marble floor below. He was just unconscious, if one cared to notice his shallow breathing. The same could not be said for Rufus Scrimgeour. The Auror had fallen on one of the benches and stared into the abyss with the calmness of the dead. Snape looked below and noticed that one of the Lestranges… Rodolphus, maybe?... also seemed to have met his doom.

Bellatrix and Rabastan were fighting with Moody and Shacklebolt, hexes flying around them in a flurry of lights and explosions. Even from afar Severus could see that Moody’s face had taken the brunt of the combat. The veteran didn’t seem to care and fought with a grim savagery.

 

Suddenly, something black and cold rippled on the fringe of Snape’s vision and he turned around. Two dementors were slowly hovering towards him and Lucius. _Bloody Hell. Too many things at once…_ If Severus had to be honest, he wasn’t sure what to do anymore. Moody’s initial plan – to come in, incapacitate Rookwood and rescue Crouch and the Longbottoms – was now a worse ruin than his face. The Longbottoms have been given the Kiss, Scrimgeour was dead… and they still had to deal with three Death Eaters and Merlin knew how many dementors.

Severus’ black eyes searched the vast Courtroom  until he found the fireplace. It was even lit. Moody had assured him that it is connected to the Floo network. He looked at Crouch’s body. It wasn’t that far. _If I manage to take down Lucius, I might have a chance. But…_  He loooked at Shacklebolt and Moody. The Aurors seemed hard pressed. Moody was fighting valiantly, but the pain, the loss of blood and half his vision were not doing him any advantages. _Merlin damn them!_

Suddenly a bolt of red light flew past him and he looked back at Lucius. His former friend emerged from the grey smoke of the crater, still holding both wands in his gloved hands.

“Like I said, Severus,” he said through clenched teeth. “Give up. And I’ll kill you now instead of giving you to the Dark Lord. For old times’ sake.”

“How generous of you,” Severus drawled, then shrugged and said, “ _Accio my wand!_ ”

Lucius had not expected that. Snape’s wand moved in his hand, with a force and speed that he couldn’t defy. He stumbled forward as it flew from his fingers.

Severus caught it. It felt good to be back with it. He pointed it at Lucius and said, “ _Expelliarmus!_ ” And just like that, the Death Eater was disarmed. Severus considered throwing Black’s wand on the floor, but he stuck it into his belt instead. Then he looked back at Lucius who raised his hands up. He swallowed hard.

“Alright, Severus,” he said. “Better you than him. Do it.”

For a second, Severus thought that he really was going to do it. _The bastard deserves it. He framed me. He was going to kill me if our positions were different._ But he also thought of Lily and Narcissa, back in Hogwarts. Of Harry and Draco. _Oh, Snivellus, you’re such a fucking moron…_

He raised his wand. Lucius closed his eyes.

“ _Stupefy!_ ” The Stunner hit him right in the face and he flew almost six feet into the air before crashing through the benches.

 _Well, he’ll_ live _._

 

The two dementors had gotten closer, sensing the anger and the sadness. The cold crept up Severus’ body like death’s breath. He took a deep breath, lulling his thoughts down. _Lily, think of Lily…_ And he did. He went back to that day, the _first_ day. The very first. The day when he showed her who she really was. Her smile, shining brighter than the sun. Her green eyes, the pools that he was drowning in since he was nine years old. Every time she called him “Sev”, every hug she gave him. The time when they went into Ollivander’s shop to choose their wands.

Severus looked back at the dementors. Without fear weighting his heart down. _They are not fearsome, not really,_ he decided. _Repulsive, yes… but come on, a schoolboy could come up with something scarier than corpses in rotten capes._  So he pointed his wand at the dementors.

“ _Expecto Patronum!_ ” he uttered.

 Severus had always been interested in the Dark Arts. But when one studied them, he also studied the means for defense against them. So he knew that the Patronus was nothing more than a magicked representation of the soul’s emotional condition, a weaponized happiness of sorts. And as such it could change its shape according to its master’s state of spirit. So it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when the creature that appeared in the silvery gleam of the charm was not the snake that he had expected. _Lily? That’s Lily’s doe…_

Snape had never heard of two people sharing the same Patronus. What did that mean? Then he forced himself to shake his head and clear his thoughts. _Stop it, Snivellus. Not the place and not the time._ He hurried down the stairs towards the body of Crouch. Above his head, the shining doe was driving the dementors away. The dark creatures’ breath was rattling in disquiet and hunger.

As he descended, he threw a look towards the fight in the other side of the room. Kingsley Shacklebolt had fallen, moaning in pain from a wound in his leg. Moody stood alone against Bellatrix, Rabastan and four dementors.

 

Severus moved in to help him. The Auror noticed him and roared, “No! Get Crouch! Crouch! Save him! Without him they can’t control the Ministry!”

Those words, however, came with a price.

Bellatrix turned her head sharply and hissed, “ _Severus!_ ” Then left her brother-in-law to deal with Moody and ran towards Snape, wand raised high and ready to aim with a curse the moment she was within reasonable range.

Severus couldn’t lose any more time. He grabbed Crouch from the floor and started dragging him towards the fireplace.

 

The green ray of a Killing Curse flew above his head. He turned back and tried to cast his _Sectusempra_ , but his aim was horrible and the spell crashed with a crackle on the marble floor. Snape could see the murder in Bellatrix’s dark eyes as she raised her wand for a second shot…

… And then she fell back with a cry. A charmed rope had shot itself from Moody’s wand, holding her in place. With a shriek of rage she turned back and started casting hexes at the veteran.

“ _GO!_ ” he roared to Snape. “ _RUN!_ ”

 

And Snape ran. One step, then another, and another, and he was at the fireplace. He saw the bag of Floo powder, threw a handful into the flames, stepped forward…

 

… And everything around him exploded. The force of the blast threw him so high into the air that when he fell down, he could feel bones breaking and the air being driven from his lungs. For a second his vision was bathed in a crimson mist of pain and he couldn’t even cry out. After four heartbeats, each as long as the universe itself, he saw a thin, pock-marked face appearing above him.

“And where do you think you’re going, Snape?” Rookwood snarled. Then his boot flew at his face and Severus lost consciousness.


	21. Chapter 21

**Message from Rinso:**

To anyone who may be reading this – hey there :)

I honestly have a bit of a hard time thinking of what to say, so let me start by apologizing for abandoning this story more than a year ago. I was really inspired and wanted to tell it, and I was utterly thrilled with the positive reception I got from you, guys. And I know the feel when a story you've been following is abandoned by its author. I am sorry for that. But what can you do – real life is a harsh mistress…

Now that I've got that out of the way, I have a little announcement to make.

"Always" is done.

I have more free time now than I had a year ago and so I decided that late is better than never, and that it's time to man up and finish what I started.

So I sat down and began to write once again. After I finished a few chapters I was immediately tempted to post them; I really was embarrassingly impatient to share the rest of my story, even this late… but I resisted. I didn't want to risk it and decided that I will update only when the whole thing is done, and not before. I abandoned this story and its readers once, I wasn't going to even consider risking to do it again.

So now it's time to say – I am ready. "Always" is 100 % finished. Since finishing it took a bit more chapters than I expected, I think it would be best if I don't upload all of them at once. Nobody wants to read through ten chapters at once. So I upload a few of them now, and the rest will follow in the next days. I hope you guys will be satisfied with the conclusion of this story.

Once again, I apologize for abandoning it.

Cheers!


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 21**

**November 8, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

The smoke of the cigarette choked him at first, but he persisted and took a deep drag. The huge man next to him huffed with disapproval. He turned to look at his companion.

"That thing's no good for ya, Remus," Hagrid warned him.

Remus Lupin shook his head without replying and breathed the smoke in once again. The two were standing outside the gatekeeper's hut. He was still not quite used to smoking, but he was getting better at it. And it  _was_  helping him. He thought of Padfoot and Prongs again and had to take such a deep drag that he started coughing. Hagrid started patting him on the back with his enormous hand.

"See?" the giant glowered. "I warned ya." He gave Remus a sad look. The gatekeeper's face was a curious sight; the bushy beard and the black mane that fell past his shoulders made him seem fierce, his features were rough and craggy… but his eyes were always warm and kind. "What do you want with this filth, Remus?"

Remus shrugged and said, "It helps me." He didn't want to elaborate further. Hagrid was a friend, a fellow member of the Order, a brave and good man… But there were some things that you couldn't say to people, even if those people were your friends.  _It was different with them, though._ The Marauders had been more than friends. They had been his family.

And now Prongs and Padfoot were dead, and Wormtail was rotting in Azkaban for his treachery. And Lupin was all alone.  _A wolf without a pack._

"You know, Hagrid," he said, "When James died, I accepted the fact that I wouldn't be able to avenge him." Hagrid frowned, but remained silent. "After all," Remus shrugged, "it's not like I stood a chance at killing You-Know-Who. But Sirius…" He puffed out a cloud of smoke, "I spoke with him, Hagrid. I spoke with Snape, the day after he killed him. He told me he didn't even knew who Sirius' killer was. I  _thanked him_  for talking to me about it. And now I won't be able to kill him either."

"Remus…" Hagrid began, then hesitated but decided to press on, "Dumbledore trusted Snape. Maybe… maybe it's not like they say it is in the  _Prophet._ "

"He hated Sirius. Out of all of us, he hated Sirius the most."

"Come on, Remus, you was children then."

Lupin almost laughed. The gatekeeper really had no idea… He shook his head, finished his smoke and tossed the butt into the grass.

"Goodbye, Hagrid," he said as he stepped on it to make sure no sparks remained. "I need to go."

The walk to the castle tired him. He was getting so little sleep these days…  _There is still time until the full moon._   _It will only get worse_. And this time, his family wouldn't be there for him. Still, he had to speak with Dumbledore. What had happened at the Ministry was a terrible blow to the Order.  _And I must see Lily as well._  Merlin alone knew how she was taking it.

Lupin's feet took him to Lily's chambers first. Just as he was climbing the last few steps that led to her door, he saw Narcissa Malfoy exiting the room, Harry in her arms. She looked perfect, like she always did, tall and slender, her blonde hair raised in an updo. She quickly noticed him and frowned. Harry didn't pay him any attention, instead he looked back at the closed door and asked, "Mum?"

Malfoy's eyes darted to the baby in her arms. "Shh, little one," she muttered. "Your mum is very tired and needs her nap. You're coming with me to play with Draco for a bit. Would you like that?"

"Draco play," Harry nodded.

"That's right," a small smile appeared on Narcissa's face and disappeared the moment she turned her gaze back to Remus. "What are you doing here?" she whispered to him.

"I… I came to see Lily," he muttered. "I heard about what happened at the Ministry. About Snape." He took a step closer and Harry's huge green eyes finally found him. "Hello, Harry," he smiled.

"Unca Emus," some words were still hard for the child, and apparently both  _uncle_ and  _Remus_  were among them.

"Lily… is not well at the moment," Narcissa said. Her voice was soft but her tone implied she wasn't going to tolerate an argument. "You should go away."

Remus could imagine it.  _How betrayed she must feel right now… She trusted Snape._ He cleared his throat.

"Listen," he murmured, trying to keep his voice calm as to avoid startling Harry, "I know how she feels. I know she trusted him. I trusted him too, after…" He had to avert his eyes from Malfoy's face. The way she looked at him reminded him too much of Padfoot.

"You have no idea how she feels," she stated. "What they wrote in the  _Prophet…_ " She suddenly stopped talking when Harry started fussing in her arms. "I have to go," she said, "and so do you."

With that she grabbed him by the arm and Remus allowed her to drag him away from Lily's door. After, she headed to her own chambers, Harry still in her arms, and Remus slowly headed to Dumbledore's office. On some level he knew he should have fought to see Lily, she was a friend after all, and she needed someone she could trust, not Narcissa Malfoy… but he was too bloody tired. Tired of grief, tired of the lack of sleep, tired of the war…

He realized he was late when he stumbled into the Headmaster's Office and found the surviving members of the Order of the Phoenix staring at him. Dumbledore was there, along with McGonagall, Emmeline Vance and Aberforth.  _Is that all that's left of us?_

"Remus," Dumbledore looked at him from behind his glasses. "Welcome. Would you care for some refreshment? I fear you look rather tired."

"No, sir, thank you," Lupin declined.

"Ah, cut the pleasantries, Albus!" Aberforth bristled. "Everything is buggered to Hell, and you ask him if he wants bloody refreshments?"

"I do believe, dear Aberforth, that cooler heads must always prevail in dire situations," Dumbledore answered. Lupin didn't fail to notice that his voice was colder, more restrained when he spoke to the other man. Remus eyed Aberforth. Tall and white-haired much like the Headmaster, but with broader shoulders, craggier features and a foul temper. And a much different taste in clothes. The two old men looked alike… yet completely dissimilar.

"Headmaster," Remus spoke, "why did you call this meeting? I assume it is about what happened at the Ministry."

"Ah… yes and no, my friend," Dumbledore sighed. Aberforth rolled his eyes behind his back. Dumbledore either didn't notice or chose not to comment as he continued, "We lost a lot of friends yesterday… and I fear the worst is still to come."

Suddenly Remus could hold himself no longer. A part of him, the part that was the meek, tired man, the tame Marauder, whispered that it was not Dumbledore's fault, that now it was not the time to cast blame left and right… But another part, the wolf, snarled that enough was enough and it was time for some answers. And Lupin was simply too exhausted to fight the wolf.

"Yes," he said gruffly. "They're gone. Because we trusted Snape. You vouched for him."

Dumbledore sat back and his blue eyes stared at Remus. "Remus, my friend, you do realize that we can't take the  _Prophet_ 's words at face value anymore, don't you?"

"Oh, stop it!" Remus growled. "Why can't you just admit that you trusted a treasonous bastard to do the right thing while all he cared about was to get his revenge on us? Remember, back when… when James died, how you told us that Snape went there to fight You-Know-Who?" He snorted, "I bet the two actually planned it together. I won't be surprised if it turns out that Snivellus was the one who murdered James!"

"Remus, stop," Dumbledore gave him a long, hard look. "I know that everything seems terrible right now, I know we are all scared and grieving… But what makes you think that Severus was what they say he was? The Ministry controls the  _Prophet_  and they want to discredit him, discredit us, discredit… me, by tainting his memory. Don't you see that? Don't you re…"

Lupin's eyes found the issue of the  _Prophet_  on the Headmaster's table. It was the same one he read this morning, the one who showed him what a fool he was. He reached and picked it up. His eyes skimmed over the text.

…  _Ministry representatives reported that an attempt at Deputy Minister of Magic Bartemius Crouch's life was made yesterday. A band of Death Eaters led by Severus Snape, who was confirmed as Sirius Black's killer back on November 5_ _th_ _as well as the one who assassinated Millicent Bagnold yesterday morning, tore into the Ministry and tried to assassinate Crouch in the Courtrooms. It is suspected that Snape impersonated Ministry employees after Bagnold's assassination in order to open the Floo network for his accomplices. Aurors Alastor Moody, Rufus Scrimgeour, Kingsley Shacklebolt and Alice and Frank Longbottom were killed trying to protect the Deputy Minister. Ministry representatives confirmed that Snape was also killed, along with Rodolphus Lestrange, a known Death Eater. The rest of the culprits managed to escape through the Floo network. It is suspected that the Death Eaters may have infiltrated Hogwarts itself…_

Remus looked back at Dumbledore. "He killed Sirius," he said through clenched teeth. "They recovered his wand after he killed Bagnold. Or is that a lie too?"

"Yes," Dumbledore said simply. "It is a lie."

Aberforth snorted, "And not a good one, either. In yesterday's issue they claimed he ran back here after he killed Bagnold, now they're saying he was hiding in the Ministry the whole time. They either got their heads up their arses or they lie."

"Who killed Sirius then?" Lupin asked. "Snape himself told me he didn't know the identity of the killer because he wore a mask."

Dumbledore blinked at him, his eyes confused behind his glasses. "Remus," he said softly, "I do not know why he told you that. Poor Sirius was murdered by Fenrir Greyback, with Severus' own wand. Then Severus struck him down. He was convinced that Greyback could not have survived."

Lupin simply stared at the Headmaster and said nothing for a long time.

"I need a smoke," he muttered and stumbled out of the office.

Aberforth found him outside, coughing as he took a deep drag.

"You alright there, lad?" the old man asked him coarsely. Remus nodded and continued to smoke. "Listen," Aberforth hesitated, "Albus… He's not a bad man, alright? Don't ever tell him I told you that, but… his heart is in the right place. It's his brain that compels him to be a piece of shit sometimes. Fuck," he swore and looked at Lupin, "Can I bum one?"

Remus silently gave him the pack half-full of smokes. Aberforth took one and rolled it between his gnarled fingers before snapping them to produce a small flame. He huffed deeply with a pleased expression on his face. "Not bad," he declared amiably. "Bit weak for my taste, though."

"Sometimes…" Remus started, hesitated then decided to just go with it. "Sometimes it's too much." He didn't know if Aberforth understood him… and he didn't much care.

"Yeah," the old man puffed out a cloud of bluish smoke in the cold autumn air. "It has been a shitty couple of days, eh?"

"You might say so."

"My sister died, you know."

Remus looked at him startled. He didn't know Aberforth had a sibling. He didn't even know the man's last name. "I… I'm sorry. Did she pass from old age?" he asked.

"What?" Aberforth frowned as if Remus had asked something utterly stupid. "No, it was… long ago. We were kids then. And fuck you, Lupin, I'm not that old yet."

Lupin just smiled. Aberforth was Aberforth – gruff and, quite frankly, rude… but he was a man you could count on. "You look as old as the Headmaster."

"'M younger than him," Aberforth grunted indignantly. "Anyway, quit yapping about my age, that's not the point. The point," he puffed a smoke ring that floated towards the crisp sky. "The point is that I know how it feels to lose someone you care about. Black was a good kid. So was Potter. But you gotta keep on fighting. For their sake, if for nothing else. You give up now, you die. And when you get to the other side, your friends will greet you and you'll have to tell them ' _Sorry, mates, I gave up. It was too much_ '. Fuck that," he grunted. "You're a good kid too, Lupin. And we'll need everyone for what is to come. We have to stick together now."

Remus puffed some smoke into the air, trying to make a ring like Aberforth's. It didn't work. "Thank you," he said.

"Don't mention it." Aberforth tossed the butt of his smoke into the air and sent a tiny blast of  _Reducto_  to destroy it before it hit the grass.

He started walking away but stopped and turned when Remus asked, "What is to come, Aberforth?"

"Well…" the old man hesitated, "For one, Albus was not wrong to send the little ones away from here, I'll tell you that much."

Remus nodded absent-mindedly as Aberforth returned to the castle. He thought about what had happened mere minutes ago. Was it truly possible?  _Could it be that Snape was not a traitor after all?_  He trusted Dumbledore's word… but he didn't want to, not this time.  _Let's face it, Snape was an easy target. The truth is never easy, isn't it?_ He pondered over it for a while. The wolf snarled and howled inside his mind, bent on walking out of Hogwarts, finding Greyback and ripping him to shreds. Snape couldn't have killed him, he told himself. A werewolf was hard to kill. And Greyback's death belonged to Lupin now.  _Yes, then we'll take care of You-Know-Who too, or we'll die trying. For once in your life, be a man!_  Then the other voice, the meek, reasonable voice whispered,  _No, we stay here. We protect the Order, we protect Harry and Lily. And if Dumbledore told the truth, Greyback will come to us, along with the rest of them._ Then  _we will rip him apart._

Lupin took another cigarette, lit it and smoke it alone, his gaze wandering across Hogwarts' grounds. Then he sighed and went back to the castle. They were going to prepare for the worst and weather the storm here.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 22**

**November 8, 1981, The Crystal Cave**

 

His own screams tore him out of the oblivion.

Visions and voices merged into a singular, refined nightmare, a symphony of torment. Dark faces, faces he once knew floated in front of his blurred eyes, and above them all glimmered a pair of red, reptilian eyes.  _The Dark Lord._

He didn't know how long he had been blasted with the Cruciatus. Hours? Or years? Eventually the haze left his mind, though the agony remained and so he continued to scream. He lay on a rocky floor, and above him there was a stony ceiling, wet and black, assaulted by a rhythmic thundering.  _Waves. Where am I?_  he thought as he shrieked while the Dark Lord laughed.  _Am I dead? Is this Hell?_

Finally, after an eternity, the Dark Lord ceased and left him there, withering on the hard, jagged rocks. Though his tormentor and the spell that had set his brain ablaze were gone, the pain remained. He could feel that there was something wrong with him, as If he was shattered inside. He remembered the Ministry then, and the fight inside the Courtroom. The explosion.

 _Where are the Aurors? Where is Crouch?_   _Where am I?_

He forced his body to obey his will and lifted his head from the stony pillow. The movement was not fast but it made his mind spin all the same. A sudden wave of nausea assaulted his innards. He coughed, then cried out from the pain it caused. He blinked and looked at his body.

The sight was not welcome.

His clothes were torn, revealing the pale, bloodied flesh underneath. He glimpsed the blackened signs of burning on his torso and sides. Then his gaze traveled down and focused on his leg. The limb was broken, and badly.  _Oh…_

As much as his body was in agony, Severus sluggishly realized how numb his mind was.  _Head… feels like fog…_ He struggled to move, to stand up, to die fighting. He had never felt so helpless.  _Not like this. I won't go out like this._

His will was powerless. His vision blurred. He wasn't sure if it was because he was beginning to lose consciousness once again or because he was about to cry like the pathetic fool he was before he was to perish. He could feel the dark creeping up from the corners of his black eyes.  _Merlin, even breathing hurts._

A dry croak sputtered out of Severus' lips as he forced his wracked body to move. He barely managed to lift his upper torso above the rocky ground when the final remnants of his strengths abandoned him. His head fell back on the stones. He took deep breaths, each of them pure torture. Severus could vaguely feel cold sweat trickling down his neck.

He glimpsed shapes in the dark, could feel their eyes on him. Then his mind flickered out.

* * *

He awoke with a start, fighting violent shudders. The pain was back, more refined than ever.

Someone had moved him and he no longer lay like a carcass on the rocks.

Severus was now crumpled inside something that could have only been described as a crow cage, dangling above the still, black waters of a large underground lake. He craned his neck left and right to look around, ignoring the needles of sweltering agony that pierced him as he did so.  _At least I'm not dead. Still only half way there, Snivellus_.

He vaguely remembered contraptions like the one he was being held captive in now. Half-buried memories of lessons of Muggle History at Hogwarts swam in his exhausted brain.  _Muggles used to imprison criminals in such cages during the Middle Ages,_  he recalled dimly.  _Left them to suffer from starvation and thirst until they died and then the crows arrived to pick at the remains. A public lesson for the people. Sometimes they even imprisoned men and women accused of witchcraft._ Which only served to show you two things – the dim-witted muggles knew  _nothing_  of true magic, for no wizard could be detained by a mere cage… and that the Dark Lord, apparently, had a knack for irony.

Severus wasn't truly surprised that the Dark Lord had not finished him off.  _No, he'll make my dying last._ Nobody among the Death Eaters had ever dared to oppose him in such a manner as Snape did when he fought him on Hallowe'en.  _He'll want to make an example out of me, as well as exact his vengeance._

He swallowed heavily, ignoring the pain inside his dry throat.  _Doesn't matter, as long as Lily is safe._  He had failed, but he hoped that Dumbledore would be able to protect her if it came to the worst and the Dark Lord attacked Hogwarts.  _When, Snivellus, not if. You failed to save Crouch and they still control the Ministry._

A part of Severus wanted to fall back into blissful unconsciousness, but the pain of his broken bones and singed skin, as well as the position he was forced to keep his body inside the narrow cage, would not allow him even this refuge.

He was mildly surprised when he heard footsteps closing in from a dark passage near the lake's shore.  _That's not the Dark Lord_. He always moved silently like a wraith. Severus was certain that only more torture awaited him and wondered whether Bella or Rabastan would decide to avenge Rodolphous' death on him.

The visitor, however, was not the one he expected.

"Lucius," Severus rasped, his parched lips caked with dried blood.

His former friend stood at the edge of the lake, scrutinizing the black water with his pale eyes. Then he looked up at Severus, a strange mixture of coldness and curiosity in his gaze.

"Why?" Lucius asked simply.

"Why what?" Severus questioned in turn.  _I swear, if he asks me why I betrayed the Dark Lord…_

"You had the chance to kill me, back in the Ministry," Lucius declared. "Why didn't you take it?"

Severus was taken aback. It was not what he had expected from the blonde Death Eater. He wondered what he was supposed to say.  _Because your wife and your son are in Hogwarts, along with Lily and her child. Because I didn't want to go back to them with your blood on my hands. Because you are nothing more than his servant, as much as I was. Because you were my friend, once._

"Because I'm a fool," he tried to sneer but a chill grabbed his lungs and he coughed violently, fighting the shudders. If he moved too much inside the cage, his shattered body hurt worse, merely from the touch of the metal bars.

Lucius clenched his jaw and made to retort but froze when a pale hand with long fingers coiled upon his shoulder. He turned his head at the same moment when Severus noticed him too.  _The Dark Lord._

"Lucius," the Dark Lord purred with his soft voice, reptilian eyes shining crimson in the underground blackness. "I see you came to visit your old friend."

"My lord…" Lucius bowed his head submissively, his long white-blond hair falling in strands in front of his face. "I wanted to see if he's still alive, the wounds he suffered in the battle… I know you want to teach him a lesson before he expires, my lord..."

"I see." The Dark Lord almost sounded amused for a moment. Then he didn't. "Leave us," he hissed.

Lucius bowed once again and hastily retreated up the same rocky passage he came from. The Dark Lord then turned his gaze back to Severus. Snape's eyes shot towards the arm he had lopped off with the  _Sectusempra_  not so long ago. The limb was replaced by some dark, gleaming metal that somehow mimicked flesh and muscles, and sinew. He tensed, expecting the unbearable sting of the Torture Curse. Instead the Dark Lord merely asked, "And how do you find your new accommodations, Severus?"

Severus clenched his teeth, refusing to speak to this creature.  _I won't give you the satisfaction. Torture me, kill me, but you won't make me stutter and beg._  The Dark Lord sighed and went to sit on a slab of stone whose end jutted into the waters of the underground lake.

"Severus, Severus, Severus…" he chuckled. "I would question why you chose your mudblood whore instead of me, but I don't care. Truly. You never were anything more than a worm under my heel, a worm that dreamt it might fight and become something more," his red eyes glinted with amusement, the pale skin of his face wrinkling unpleasantly. "And here you are, where you belong."

Severus still refused to answer. If he wanted to taunt him, so be it.  _I'm used at being insulted, you pathetic excuse for a madman. You'll have to do a lot better._

"You see, Severus," the Dark Lord continued, "You never stood a chance. Not because I'm immensely more powerful, no. The reason, my Half-Blood Prince, lies elsewhere." He glanced at Severus. "Ask me where."

Severus just gave him a blank stare.  _Fuck off._

The Dark Lord smiled. "Ask me," he repeated.

_Fuck. Off._

The Dark Lord's red eyes widened in malice. "Ask me!" he hissed.

_You can't make me do anything. Not anymore._

_Oh, but I can._  And then a pain worse than his broken leg or the pulsing burns that covered his body ripped into his mind. He felt the alien presence inside himself, the cold, long fingers of the Dark Lord prying his brain apart. Raw power assaulted every neuron, sending sparks of revulsion and agony down his spinal cord.  _Do you really think defiance means something, Severus?_  The voice of the Dark Lord reached down to the very core of his being, laughing at his confusion and distress.  _You belong to me, I marked you as my slave, just as I did with the rest of the wretches inside this cave. You all came to me drunk with promises of power and glory. You are mine. You don't defy me. You can't._ Each silent word echoed inside Severus' mind, vibrating against his bones. He could feel blood oozing from his nose, and the Dark Mark on his wrist felt hot like a branding iron. He cried out, trying to huddle inside himself, to shy away from the Occlumantic assault but that only made the wounds hurt worse.  _Now, ask me!_ The final words of the Dark Lord shattered whatever strength Severus had. He heaved for air, clutched at his chest, trying to rip the cold, reptilian thing inside his mind away.

"Why?" he finally croaked. "Why, damn you, why?"

And just like that the alien presence inside his brain melted away like mist. The Dark Lord's cold chuckle reverberated from across the black lake. "Atta boy, Severus," he hissed. "And to answer you, it's very simple. At your core, you're a liar. I am not."

Severus greedily gulped down air, trying to overcome the feeling of violation inside his own head. Even so, the Dark Lord's statement made him pause.  _What?_

The Dark Lord apparently read through his expression because he got up from his rocky seat and looked right at Severus' panicked eyes. "Yes, Severus. You are a liar, and I'm not." He pointed a finger towards Snape and muttered, " _Crucio!_ "

The scream came unbidden from Severus' mouth. The Dark Lord only laughed and then the pain disappeared, as suddenly as it had stricken. "You lied to yourself. You lied to yourself when you first came to me, thinking you could be worthy.  _Crucio!_ " Severus screamed again, this time for longer. He began trashing in the crow cage, hitting his burned flesh and broken bones against the metal. When the Dark Lord stopped, he was shaking, covered in cold sweat.

"Then you lied to yourself again when you betrayed me, thinking it's more important to be with the woman you love rather than to be a part of our world's future. And, quite frankly, Severus, you lied to yourself when you convinced yourself that you're in love.  _Crucio!_ "

This time Severus blacked out for a few moments. When he came to his senses, he found out that he no longer could stop the trembling of his body or the twitching of his limbs. "You're not in love, Severus. You cannot love. Nobody can. Love is a delusion, a pretty lie created to conceal animalistic instincts. You merely wanted to bed her. A mudblood _. Crucio!_ "

The pain went away quickly this time, but the residual tremors remained, sending jolts of suffering through his body that made him scream even after the Cruciatus had ended.

"Just like everyone else, Severus, you delude yourself with those lies. They poison the mind.  _I matter. I love. I am loved. I deserve to be loved._  You are pathetic.  _Crucio!_ "

Severus was trashing so violently as he screamed that he thought that the crow cage might fall into the water. He was surprised, but the thought of drowning scared him.  _It will be an end to the pain, Snivellus._

"You are weak," the Dark Lord hissed. "Not in your magic, in your  _soul_. Tell me, how does it feel to pine after a whore who belonged to another man? Do you think James Potter fucked her well? He must have, to produce that whelp of theirs.  _Crucio!_ "

This time Severus didn't scream. His lungs simply couldn't produce enough air anymore. He just convulsed, lost inside the labyrinth of agony.

"This is why you stood no chance against me, Severus. I have no such weaknesses. I know who I am and what I am. You didn't. But I'll teach you.  _Crucio!_ "

By the end, Severus was almost ready to beg the Dark Lord to end it. End him. Just before he opened his mouth, the Cruciatus retreated once again.  _Damn him. Should have known,_  Severus thought through the electric haze of the pain.

"Severus," the Dark Lord murmured, "do you know why I haven't killed you yet?"

_Because you like to make me scream. You want to make the whole world scream._

"I am going to march on Hogwarts very soon, Severus. I am going to kill what's left of that pitiful Order of the Phoenix, then I am going to kill Harry Potter." An ugly smirk stretched the Dark Lord's pale face. "But I will keep your Lily alive. I am going to bring her here and choke the life out of her mudblood throat, right in front of you. Then and only then, I will grant you death." He turned to leave. "Goodbye, Severus," Snape vaguely heard the Dark Lord's voice as oblivion took him in its hold.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 23**

**November 9, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

When Lily finally crawled out of her room, she felt numb enough to function normally. She didn't have any tears left to shed.  _For now._

Until she remembered what had happened, she could stave off the sobbing hysteria. Maybe for about as long as to get something to drink – she didn't think she could eat, not any time soon – and to check on Harry. She left him with Narcissa and Draco last night, after taking that sleeping draught, and felt vaguely guilty about burdening her friend with a  _second_  baby but… the truth was that she had not been capable of taking care of him.  _Hopefully I'll be better today_. After all, she reasoned, you can't cry for so many hours on end again and again. At some point the body probably decided that it was under enough strain and stopped on its own.

 _Funny, I thought I knew what grief was when Mum and Dad died, or when James did…_  And yet nothing could have prepared her for this. Lily knew it wasn't just Sev's death that she mourned.  _It's the way we parted, me screeching at him, accusing him… He begged me to forgive him…_ Well, she forgave him  _now_. If only she could forgive herself…  _No, I don't deserve it. He died thinking I hated him. Oh, Sev…_

Lily took a deep breath and continued trudging towards the Kitchens. She was descending the moving stairway that led to the Great Hall, ignoring the chatter of the portraits. She dimly wondered why there were no students before she recalled that Dumbledore had ended the term and sent the children away two days ago. It was as if he was preparing for a siege. It all felt meaningless. Sev was gone, so why should she care what happened to Hogwarts?

 _Because your son is in Hogwarts. Do you think Sev would want you to just forget about Harry and waste away?_  That sobered her foggy mind a bit. As soon as she got something to drink… and maybe force herself to eat something as well, she was going to Narcissa's and taking Harry.  _He is my responsibility, not hers. I have to be there for him. He doesn't understand what is happening, probably wonders where I am, poor thing._

Suddenly, she heard footsteps coming from another stairway, lowering itself from above with a booming creak. As the two stairs met on a platform that opened a descent towards the Great Hall, she saw who it was. They both stopped and stared at each other.

"Remus," she whispered, her voice small and hoarse.

Without a word he moved in and hugged her. It didn't feel entirely right, not counting her father, there were only two men that she felt comfortable with when taking her in their arms, and Remus wasn't one of them. Yet… it was also comforting.  _He and Narcissa are the only friends I have left._  She took a deep breath and lifted her head to look at him. He looked about as bad as Lily felt.  _And I look worse than him._  She remembered glimpsing her reflection in the mirror when she left her chambers, thick red hair in disarray, eyes puffed from crying and the forced slumber of the sleeping draught, her skin turning sallow.

"I… I'm sorry, Lily," he muttered and stepped away from her.

She gulped down the desire to fall apart and start bawling in front of him. "It's… it's okay, Remus," she lied.

"I wanted to see you yesterday," he said. "Sorry I didn't... Uh, Narcissa Malfoy convinced me you weren't up to it and I was running late to meet with the Order. Or what remains of it," he murmured darkly under his breath.

Just a few days ago Lily would have been outraged that the Order had conducted a meeting without her attending. Now she was too tired and too broken to care.  _Get a hold of yourself, you fool,_  she scolded herself.  _You have to be strong for Harry. You don't deserve to wallow in misery._

"What did you meet about?" she asked Remus as he gestured for them to take the stairs down to the Great Hall.

"To discuss the war and… what happened at the Ministry. Lily, I…"

"It's okay," she interrupted him, repeating herself. Her eyes darted towards him. "I don't want to talk about it."

He sighed heavily as they reached the cavernous opening that led to the Great Hall. Remus stopped and looked down at her.

"I know," he said kindly. "I just want to ask you something."

"What?"

"Back when Harry was kidnapped, did Severus told you what happened?"

"Yes," she replied, slightly confused. Where was Remus going with this?

"Was it Greyback? Was he the one who murdered Sirius?"

Lily remained silent for a while.  _If he asks, then he already knows._ She knew her answer would hurt him, but Remus was a friend. She owed him nothing less but the truth.

"Yes," she finally nodded.

"Alright," Remus uttered.

"I'm sorry, Remus," she reached a hand to him and squeezed his bony shoulder.

"It's okay," he smiled bitterly.

They stood in silence for a few moments, then Lily brushed past him to head towards the Kitchens that lay below the Great Hall. She noticed that Remus frowned.

"Lily," he called, "where are you going?"

"Just to the Kitchens," she stopped and gave him a questioning look. "Why?"

"Oh, I simply thought Dumbledore summoned you to the Great Hall too?"

"Why would he summon me to the Great Hall?"

"He summoned  _everyone_ ," Remus said and shrugged. "I guess he thought you'd rather rest."

Lily bit her lower lip. A part of her  _would_  have liked to rest and turn its back to any and all responsibility… But that was too easy, too tempting.

"You know, Remus," she said slowly. "Actually I'd rather come and see what this is about."

They arrived first. Remus apologized for that, explaining that since he was late yesterday, he preferred to be on time today. Lily didn't mind. Spending time with him was pleasantly distracting, even if he looked just as weary as she felt.

The Great Hall had been reorganized. The long benches and the tables were gone, leaving the huge floor bare. The podium where the teachers usually sat to eat was also stripped of furniture.  _What does Dumbledore has in mind?_

Slowly, people started coming in. Flitwick, the Head of Ravenclaw arrived first and waddled towards Remus and Lily.

"Mrs. Potter," the diminutive man nodded politely at Lily, then turned to Remus, "Mr. Lupin"

Flitwick looked odder than most wizards, with his short stature and his twirly grey mustache, but his manners were always beyond reproach.

The rest of the staff started pouring in and Lily realized that Remus had not exaggerated when he told her that  _everyone_ has been summoned. From Madam Pomfrey to Kettleburn, from McGonagall to Hagrid, everyone who worked at Hogwarts came to the Great Hall.

To Lily's surprise, it didn't end with them. Last came Aberforth and Vance, both of them not members of the staff but of the Order. Seeing them brought stab of pain inside her chest. They reminded her of Sev and the three Aurors.  _No, forget about it. They're gone._  She followed Remus and went to Aberforth and Vance.

When Dumbledore finally arrived at the Great Hall, the murmurs dried out and all eyes turned to him. The Headmaster looked more somber than usual, his robes made of matted teal velvet instead of the shiny silks he usually wore. His eyes were serious and Lily didn't see the usual sparkles inside the blue orbs.

Dumbledore stood at the teachers' podium and took a moment to glance over the people gathered all around him.

"My friends," he began, "I wish I had good news to share with you today. Alas, it is not so." He paused for a moment and took off his glasses. "As you all know when we heard about Minister Bagnold's unfortunate demise, I ended the term and ordered the children to be returned to their homes so they can be under their families' care. Today I make a plea of a similar kind to all the teachers and the staff at Hogwarts. I fear that very soon this school will be under assault and I would not endanger any of you who does not wish to risk their life." He stopped talking once again, cleared his throat and continued with a louder tone, "Considered immediately, if any of you wish to leave, you are free to do so. I  _encourage_  you to do so, in fact. Transport will be provided to take you to your homes, or other places of safety as per your discretion." The Headmaster raised a hand when a dozen voices rose up in questioning, confused murmurs. "Provided that Hogwarts outlasts the war, once the new term begins, you will be completely free to return to your jobs here." Dumbledore took a deep breath. "Again, I  _urge_  anyone who is afraid for their safety to  _go_. The last thing I ever wished was to endanger this school and the wonderful people who work here." He sighed. "My only condition is that you leave before sunset, as I intend to raise wards and protective measures around the castle that will make it near impossible to leave."

He stopped to take a breather, leaving a hall full of bewildered faces and perturbed voices. Lily watched his face, amazed at how ancient the Headmaster looked at this moment. Albus Dumbledore had always been a bastion of strength and optimism, a shining beacon against the darkness. To see him so… rueful and subdued rattled the remains of her already shattered being.

Suddenly Pomona Sprout, the Head of Hufflepuff, spoke up, "What is happening, Albus? Why do you want us to leave?"

He chewed thoughtfully on his lips for a second before he answered, "Some time ago, I took it upon myself to combat the one everyone calls You-Know-Who. In secret, I gathered a few like-minded individuals, brave souls who feared for our world's future more than they feared for their lives." Dumbledore lowered his head and said, "Most of them are no longer with us. Only a handful of our Order remain." He sighed heavily. "Minerva, Rubeus, Emmeline, Remus, Lily, Aberforth… will you join me?"

The members of the Order of the Phoenix glanced at one another as all eyes turned to them. Lily stepped after Remus and stood on the podium behind the Headmaster. The rest of the Hogwarts staff stared at them with looks that mixed awe with disbelief. Lily tried to avoid their stares and gazed at the tall ceiling of the Great Hall.

"As you can see, some of my compatriots are members of the staff," he gestured at McGonagall and Hagrid, "But most of them aren't. They all swore fealty to our Order and our goal. To rid the Wizarding World of Voldemort and his evil." He paused, gazing intently at the people gathered below him. "The  _rest_  of you did not. I cannot hold you here to fight a battle you did not volunteer to fight. I will never do such a thing, Pomona, if that answers your question."

"But why would he attack Hogwarts?" Flitwick asked, "Does it have something to do with those ridiculous articles in the  _Prophet?_ "

Sprout nodded and said, "Albus, was Snape one of your men, then?"

"Yes, Pomona, he was." Dumbledore replied softly and Lily had to clench her fists until her nails broke the skin, simply to force herself not to cry when she heard his name. "So was Alastor, as well as Frank and Alice Longbottom. My worst fears came to pass when Voldemort's servants murdered Millicent Bagnold. They took control of the Ministry of Magic."

Gasps of fright and shock fluttered across the Great Hall.

"As to why they would attack Hogwarts…" Dumbledore hesitated and never looked at Lily. "Here stands the greatest opposition to Voldemort's victory. The last members of the Order of the Phoenix, gathered together for a last defense. He will not resist the temptation and will try to strike us down, all at once. He already holds the Ministry, as well as the immeasurable wealth of the Houses of Black and Malfoy. The only thing that stops him from conquering Britain, my friends, is us."

Lily gulped down a sigh of relief.  _I guess I didn't believe he'd have the decency to leave Harry out of this._  Then, for a split second, she could almost hear Sev's sneer and see the sardonic contempt in his coal-black eyes.  _If he was here, he'd mutter how Dumbledore said this because he can't afford to trust all of his employees, not because he cares about Harry._  She glanced briefly at the Headmaster.  _But maybe even Sev could be wrong sometimes._  Lily forced herself to straighten up. Sev wasn't here, Sev would never again be here. Sev was gone, taken from her. Now she had to be strong and to be ready to fight, for herself and for her son.

She focused her gaze back to the Headmaster. Dumbledore took a deep breath and said, "And when he comes to Hogwarts, I intend to end this menace once and for all. But I will not lie to you, my friends, there is a risk. He is a powerful wizard, and his forces will outnumber our Order. I won't gamble with your lives. I do believe that this answers all your questions. Now, will you all take heed and leave?"

Silence greeted him. Then Horace Slughorn stepped forward, his walrus-like mustache bristling above his lips and his face turning red like a pomegranate. Lily had never seen the amiable Potions Master so  _angry_.

"No," he growled. "I, for once, will not. Those... those  _bastards_  ensorcelled me out of my wits and impersonated me." Slughorn turned his grey eyes towards the rest of the Hogwarts staff. "It's no secret that most of those ruffians hail from House Slytherin. I, for one, will stay with you, Albus, and prove that Hogwarts and Salazar Slytherin are not to be a madman's toys."

"So will I," Madam Pomfrey loudly declared. "If there is to be a battle here, Albus, you and yours will need someone to tend to the wounded."

Short Filius Flitwick stepped forward on his small, stunted legs. "Ravenclaw is known for the thirst for knowledge," he said softly. "I may be old and bookish these days, but I doubt any of You-Know-Who's thugs can out-duel me. You can count on me as well, Albus."

After that came Sprout and Kettleburn, and the rest of the teachers. None left. If Hogwarts was like a sinking ship, then all its crew was going to go down with it.

Later that day, as the light of the day was waning away, Dumbledore led them all towards the courtyard. He raised his wand to the purple sky and uttered a spell that Lily had never heard before.

" _Piertotum Locomotor!_ "

Initially nothing happened. Then a rumble shook the very foundation of the rock atop which Hogwarts stood. Lily turned to the gate of the castle and her mouth hung open.

The suits of plate armor that once had adorned the walls and the stairways of the castle had come to life. Amidst the clang of steel against stone, countless warriors rose to defend their castle. As they climbed the walls and spread out in a defensive formation around the school, their march echoed across the castle's courtyard as the stars started to rise in the sky.

Despite herself, Lily felt like a part of her heart fluttered in hope. It was already shattered in so many pieces, why not devote one of them to hope? She realized, with a shining clarity, that everything was very simple now. Harry's life was in her hands. And she was not going to fail.

And so, as the animated guardians of the school marched on, the steel of their armor and shields gleaming under the stars, Lily watched on and hoped.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 24**

**November 9, 1981, The Crystal Cave**

 

Yaxley arrived with good news.

Lucius was standing near the entrance of the cave that has become his new home, staring at the grey sea below him. He was lost in thought, reminiscing about Narcissa and Draco, wondering how they were faring in Hogwarts.  _It's hard to believe it's been less than a week since I last saw them._  To him it seemed like an eternity.

So when Yaxley apparated next to him Lucius was caught somewhat off-guard. He composed himself quickly and looked at the other man. Yaxley was not one of the inner circle, but he was an ambitious bastard and was climbing swiftly through the ranks.  _After this is all over, there may well be enough vacant places among us for him to slither in._  Lucius only hoped his was not going to be one of those vacant places.

Yaxley nodded at him. "Malfoy," he said, "I bring tidings for the Dark Lord."

"Come on in, then," Lucius gestured with his hand towards the looming darkness of the innards of the cave.

They joined the rest of their group inside. Dolohov, Rosier, Nott, Bellatrix and Rabastan were sitting in a half circle among the rocks, sipping wine and chewing silently through their meals. Back when they left the Manor and he had learned they were to go to a cave near the North Sea, Lucius had wondered what they were going to do about food, but the Dark Lord provided for them, conjuring refreshments and utensils from thin air.  _He truly is a remarkable wizard. He could do so much for the Wizarding World._ Pity he preferred to burn it rather than help it.  _What do I care though?_  As long as he was going to hold a position of power in the new world the Dark Lord was going to build, and as long as Narcissa and Draco were safe, Lucius could care less about the fates of those less fortunate.

That thought made him remember Severus, perched inside the cage at the underground lake.  _Has he eaten something since we brought him here?_  he wondered, before he reminded himself that Severus was probably going to expire too soon to actually matter. Lucius could still remember his former friend's screams echoing through the cave as the Dark Lord exacted his vengeance on their treasonous brother-in-arms. It was eerily reminiscent of the time after their failure at Knockturn Alley.  _The werewolf also screamed then, though he quickly fell silent._  Lucius never did find out what exactly had happened to Fenrir Greyback. When he came to see Severus and ask him why he had spared his life, he never glimpsed the werewolf's body inside the depths of the cave.  _He's probably lying at the bottom of that accursed lake._

Lucius' hand came to the back of his belt where Severus' wand was tucked behind his waistline. He still wasn't sure why he hadn't destroyed it back at the Ministry.  _Maybe I ought to keep it._  This way, after Severus was dead, Lucius could look at it and remind himself what happened to those who defied the Dark Lord.

As he and Yaxley came to the others, the Dark Lord emerged seemingly from nothing, as he stepped out of a rocky corner submerged in shadows.

"Yaxley," he purred, "I trust you bring us good news."

"I do, my lord," the Death Eater bowed respectfully, much more respectfully than the slight nod he gave to Lucius. "Karkaroff and Mulciber have gathered our troops. We stand ready to strike at Hogwarts. We only await your command."

"Good, good, my friend," the Dark Lord looked at the inner circle. All the commanders of the force that was going to take Hogwarts were watching him intently. The Dark Lord gestured with his metallic hand and a sparkling green image of Hogwarts and its surrounding grounds suddenly hovered in the empty black air in the middle of the seated Death Eaters. The Dark Lord moved closer to it and said, "We will strike from the Forbidden Forest. The trees will conceal us until we're almost at their doorstep. Bella," he turned to Rodolphus Lestrange's widow, "You will lead a team and conduct a reconnaissance. If that mongrel Hagrid is at his hut, I want him dead before he can warn Dumbledore of our coming."

"As you wish, my lord," Bellatrix's eyes shone up at the Dark Lord, an eager smile plastered on her pale, perfect face.  _It doesn't seem like she cares about her husband's death,_  Lucius mused. He wondered how Narcissa would act if he was to fall into the battle. They  _were_  sisters, after all, even though their relationship was nothing like the one between Bellatrix and the elder Lestrange.  _Not that I intend to perish. It's not my time._  Lucius intended to live through this, no matter what.  _I will watch Draco grow. I will hold Narcissa again,_  he told himself.

"Rabastan," the Dark Lord turned his attention to Bellatrix's brother-in-law, "I want you to take a second force. You will follow Bella's and once she's dealt with Hagrid, you will join up, race through the bridge and assault the main gates of the castle."

"Yes, my lord," Rabastan said softly, "And if we encounter any resistance? Kill them all?"

"Just so, my friend," the Dark Lord smiled as Rabastan shrugged and drank from his goblet.  _He would rather torture them first,_ Lucius grimaced internally.  _Rabastan doesn't seem too distraught over Rodolphus either._ Of course, the fact that he was the one to send an  _Expulso_  through Alastor Moody's head back at the Ministry probably helped.  _He avenged his brother and is more than ready to kill once more._  Lucius tried not to heave at the memory of the elderly Auror's skull exploding in a blue haze that had evaporated his brains and face in a heartbeat.  _At least Shacklebolt died cleaner._

"Yaxley," the Dark Lord continued. The other man leaned in, eager to hear his master's orders. "You will be in charge of the force that will sail through the lake and scale the walls. I'm giving you the most troops. If you get there before Rabastan and Bella blast the gates open, you will help them from the inside."

"Of course," he bowed to the Dark Lord and nodded at his superiors. The Lestranges did not bother to acknowledge him.  _Well, look at the upstart,_  Lucius sneered inside his mind.  _It seems the Dark Lord is giving him a chance to prove himself worthy of the inner circle._  What Yaxley probably didn't realize was that his task was probably the most daunting one.  _He has to sail across the whole lake, exposed to attacks from the castle's defenders, then scale the high walls while being showered with hexes._  Lucius wondered whether Yaxley was even going to make it inside Hogwarts, but then he shrugged internally. Yaxley was expendable.

"Antonin," the Dark Lord turned to the next commander. "You hold the reserves. You are not to attack until the gate is open. Once it is, you storm inside and decimate everything in sight until you reach the main building. Am I understood?"

"Crystal clear, my lord," Dolohov said in his rough accent.

"Good. Rosier, Nott" the Dark Lord looked at the youngest and the oldest members of the inner circle. "You two will spearhead the air strike. Just a few brooms, but they will not expect it. I will provide you with a cadre of dementors as well. You will sweep down as the rest of our forces are battling on the ground below. Take out any pockets of resistance that might give us trouble, then land atop the Astronomy Tower and move down. Kill anyone you find inside."

"As you command, my lord," they nodded.

Lucius looked at the green vision of Hogwarts hovering in the air between them. With each task assigned, glowing red scars appeared on the spots the Dark Lord had chosen for his servants.  _Bella and Rabastan at the gates, Yaxley across the lake and through the walls, Dolohov in reserve, Nott and Rosier from above… and what about me?_

As if the Dark Lord read his thoughts, he turned to Lucius and regarded him with his red eyes. "Lucius, my friend," he drawled, "You already did so much," he leaned in closer and put his cold hand on Lucius' shoulder. He had to force down the shudder of revulsion that rose inside his stomach from the touch.  _I'm just jittery,_ Lucius told himself, yet somehow he knew it was more than that. The Dark Lord was… an unnatural creature.  _I hope he can't_  actually read _my bloody thoughts._ "You gave me the Ministry and that traitor Severus. You deserve a reward. As my first lieutenant, you will be at my side during the battle." The Dark Lord smiled, "We will walk down the halls of the school together and you will watch me as I kill Harry Potter."

"Y-yes, my lord," Lucius croaked.  _Do not falter. Think of Draco! Think of Narcissa!_

"Now," the Dark Lord as he stepped away from Lucius, grabbed Nott's goblet out of the old man's hands and took a sip from the red wine, "I want you all to be prepared within the hour. Yaxley," he eyed the upstart who tensed up. "Go back and prepare your men. Tonight we take Hogwarts!"

As Yaxley bowed and left, and the rest of the inner circle continued with their dinner, the Dark Lord's reptilian eyes once more found Lucius.

"Walk with me, my friend," he purred. "I have something to show you."

Lucius had no choice and followed the Dark Lord down into the depths of the cave, towards the underground lake and Severus' cage.  _Does he want me to torture him too, to prove my loyalty one last time before the battle?_

It turned out he didn't.

When they reached the black shore of the lake, the Dark Lord did not spare a glance to Severus, who was watching them both intently through the metal bars of his prison. Lucius glanced at the man who was once his friend.  _You brought this on yourself, Severus. You could have been among us above, drinking fine wine and planning the attack that would give us the Wizarding World. Instead you're rotting here, with nobody to blame but yourself._  Perhaps if Lucius repeated it long enough inside his own mind, he'd start believing it too.

The Dark Lord walked closer and closer to the water's edge until eventually he stepped into the lake. He raised his glistening, metallic arm up and closed his eyes.  _What is he doing?_

Nothing happened for a heartbeat. Then ripples started forming on the surface of the black lake. Lucius frowned. What was happening?

Slowly, a head emerged from the water. It was pale, paler than the Dark Lord, pale only as dead flesh could be. Wet hair hung from its sides, framing the bloated face beneath. The eyes were empty pools that reflected no light.

Lucius stepped back, recognizing the thing's features as it walked towards the Dark Lord, water trickling down its body.  _So that's what happened to Greyback? Sweet Merlin…_

Another figure appeared mere moments after the dead thing that was once Fenrir Greyback. This one Licius did not know, its features twisted and rotten beyond any recognition. Then another after it. Lucius' stomach lurched up and suddenly all his Malfoy dignity was forgotten, he bent over and vomited, tasting the bile on his tongue. He could hear Severus trashing inside his cage above the water.

"Aren't they magnificent, Lucius?" the Dark Lord asked softly. Lucius turned his gaze to the madman, his eyes wild. The Dark Lord was still standing at the edge of the lake, with an arm stretched towards the advancing dead things. More and more were emerging from the water.  _An army of the dead._  The Dark Lord had either not noticed how Lucius had just emptied the contents of his belly, or he didn't care. "Strong, silent, obedient…" the Dark Lord muttered. "They have transcended death. Servants to my will and protectors of my treasures."

_What treasures, you lunatic? What have you done?!_

"My lord?" he managed to whisper.

"They will help us take Hogwarts, my friend."

 _He wants us to fight next to those things._ Throughout his life, Lucius had often felt like his life was shaped by others. His father had sold himself – and thus his only son – to the Dark Lord before Lucius was even born. The Dark Lord had allowed Lucius to regain a façade of autonomy in front of the world, but he had been the one to order around the Malfoy fortune in order to finance his war. His mother had instilled the importance of the pure blood inside Lucius' head before he did his first spell. The only time when Lucius had felt in control of his own destiny was when he fell in love with Narcissa. When both Abraxas Malfoy and the Dark Lord approved the match, he had been relieved… because otherwise he would have taken her and fled, and damn them all to Hell. Now he experienced the same clarity.  _You are standing with a madman. To want to purify what is rotten by the touch of mudbloods and muggles is right and just. But this here is lunacy. This has nothing to do with purity or power. This is a monster that is twisting the world. Sweet Merlin, he is going to march on that castle, the castle where my wife and my son are, with those dead things in tow!_   _No. No!_

As the last of the dead rose from the water and gathered at the Dark Lord's feet, he turned around and marched up, completely forgotten about Lucius who simply stared at his master and the silent things that followed him, dripping putrescent water on the rocks.

Finally Lucius looked back at Severus. The man who was once his friend looked pale and terrified. Lucius suspected that he himself was wearing the same expression of disgust and horror. Grey eyes locked with black ones. A moment passed and Lucius averted his eyes.

Then Lucius reached behind his mantle, drew Severus' wand from his belt and left it at the shore of the lake. Without turning to look at Severus, Lucius headed back above, trailing after the Dark Lord and the horde of the dead. He could faintly hear the gasps of shock and silent curses as the rest of the Death Eaters saw what emerged from the nethers of the cave.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 25**

**November 9, 1981, The Crystal Cave**

 

Severus Snape was desperately trying to calm his breathing.  _What the fuck was that?!_  The sight that had unfolded before his eyes defied imagination.  _Did I just see what I think I saw?_

The Dark Lord had risen the dead. He had stood there and he summoned them. And they answered. The thought that those…  _things_ … had slumbered beneath the surface of the water just a few feet below him made him shudder. He forced himself to swallow the stab of pain the movement brought and cleared his mind.

Severus' eyes found the wand that lay on the lake's shore. He gulped. Merlin alone knew what had driven Lucius to do what he did… but Snape was not one to frown to opportunity when it found him. A few hours ago he was a dead man. Now he stood a chance.  _At least if I can get to the bloody wand._

He took a breath and focused his gaze on the wand. Slowly, fighting the pain with every breath, he shifted his body inside the crow cage and squeezed an arm through the iron bars.  _Now, Snivellus. And don't you fucking dare drop it in the water._

" _Accio_  my wand!" he muttered, his voice coarse from thirst and screaming.

For half a heartbeat the wand didn't move. Then it shot itself forth, flying over the lake and landing into his outstretched palm. Severus quickly coiled his bony fingers around the smooth black wood, gasping in triumph.  _I'm free._

Well,  _almost_  free. He pulled his arm back into the cage and took as deep a breath as his frayed lungs allowed, trying to think of the best way to escape the cage. He had the means now, it was just a matter of finding the right approach.  _Not with a Blasting Curse,_  he decided. It was going to do the trick, but he wasn't convinced his body could withstand the shockwave, what with the pitiful condition he was in. He took a few seconds to compose himself, then scooted as far from one of the sides if the crow cage as he could and sent a weak  _Reducto_  towards the bars.

Nothing happened.

"Fuck!" Severus growled, suddenly frustrated. He should have thought of this.  _Of course it won't be so easy._ The cage was likely created with the aid of a spell. The Dark Lord, apparently, had not forgotten to jinx it against an attempt of escape.

 _Think, Snivellus, think!_  He remembered Slughorn's lessons back in his 6th year and uttered Scarpin's Revelaspell. A faint, ghostly haze danced in front of Severus' eyes and he noticed the magic seams that were holding the iron cage together. Surprisingly, it was a rather simple spell that he managed to unravel in just a few attempts.  _The Dark Lord underestimated me,_ Snape sneered inwardly as he sent a second Reductor Curse at the bars.

As the metal sizzled and evaporated away, Severus could almost feel the elation coursing through his veins, invigorating his spirit.  _Now, to get to the shore._  The distance was not great, but with his broken leg Severus doubted he could swim.  _And it would be rather pathetic to drown now that I'm so close. Face it, you miserable bastard, you can't afford any failures now. It's do or die._

He eyed the stony shore, then took a deep breath and apparated, bracing himself for the bodily impact with the rocks.

It worked… or nearly. In the dark, weakened by pain and alternating bouts of unconsciousness and torture, Severus had slightly misjudged the distance. He found himself knee-deep into the lake, just a few feet from the brink. His broken leg twitched, he collapsed forward and splashed into the water. The only thing that made him resist the urge to scream from the pained shock as the cold liquid embraced him was the sheer disgust he felt for the lake ever since he saw the dead climbing from its bottom. The last thing he wanted was to get that water into his mouth.

Squeezing his jaw shut he quickly splashed and scrambled towards the shore. Faintly, he wondered whether someone might hear him but if his guess was correct, the Dark Lord and most of the Death Eaters had probably left.  _Otherwise, why call forth those creatures?_

Suddenly something hard and cold clutched at Severus' ankle.

He turned his head and his heart froze. A skeletal, pale arm rose from the water, the hand holding to Severus' leg with thin fingers that squeezed like steel pincers. A gargled cry of panic escaped past Snape's lips as the rest of the creature emerged dripping from the lake. He kicked feebly, but it was to no avail.

The dead thing was stronger than him. Much stronger.

_Hit it! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it now!_

Severus sent a shot of the  _Sectusempra_  at the monster's face. A black gash appeared across its rotten features… but nothing happened.  _The dead feel no pain,_  Severus thought dimly as his heart beat madly and his uninjured leg was splashing and kicking in the water. Apparently, they did not bleed either.

He screamed and aimed an  _Expulso_  at the thing. The right side of its upper torso split open in the small explosion, sending a cloud of liquefied flesh and water vapor into the still air. The dead creature released Severus, thrown back from the shockwave. It fell with a splash into the lake.

Severus scrambled up and climbed on the shore. So great was his hurry to get as far from the cursed water as possible, that he didn't even feel his broken leg anymore. As he drew himself up and crawled away from the lake, he turned his head and, to his horror, he saw the dead thing emerging once again from the surface. Half its chest and its whole right arm were missing, but it still advanced, relentless and silent.  _And quick._

Severus weighted his chances. He either had to act  _now_  or to risk another tumble with the thing. He knew that his body was in no condition to fight the construct of a dark spell such as this… but if the Dark Lord had left any sentries around, what he was about to do might alert them.

And then there was no more time for hesitation. The dead creature climbed on the shore, its pale eyes focused on Severus and it shot itself at him.

Snape couldn't help himself. He screamed, and as he did so, he sent a jet of  _Incendio_ right at the thing. The flames bathed the cave in a flickering, orange glow. As the fire licked at the creature's pale, rotten skin, Severus vaguely wondered whether those rocks had ever seen true light. The dead thing writhed and stumbled back, retreating towards the cold water.

"Oh no, you don't," Severus growled and showered it with another stream of fire, melting away reanimated flesh and fell enchantments alike until nothing remained but a pile of twitching, formless sludge that blazed hot and gleaming on the black lake's shore.

Severus took a deep breath, then collapsed on his back, his chest heaving and sweat beading on his brow.

 _No time to waste, Snivellus._  He forced himself to raise his torso up. Still clutching his wand, he pointed it at his shattered leg and mended his bones. He bit his tongue and tasted coppery blood inside his mouth as he fought not to cry out.

When he finally managed hobble out of the dark tunnel that led out of the underground cavern, Severus was almost blinded by the night sky. Everything looked brighter after the blackness of the lake. He edged closer to the opening of the cave, from where the thundering of the sea echoed on.  _Apparently the Dark Lord left no one to watch over me._ Well, at least if he didn't count the thing in the water.

He forced down the memory and focused on getting out.

With a faint  _crack!_  he apparated into the grounds outside Hogwarts. He blinked a few times until he could adjust his vision. He could see the black shape of Hagrid's hut in the distance.  _I must be careful._  The Dark Lord could attack any moment and it wouldn't do to attract attention. He wondered if the castle expected the incoming assault.  _Dumbledore is no fool._ As much as Snape wanted to run forward to Lily, he couldn't, and not only because he still couldn't walk properly on his recently healed leg.  _If they are nearby, I can't risk to reveal myself._ Severus was not sure how he could tip the scales in what was to come, but getting caught  _again_  was certainly not in his plans.

He cast silently the Disillusionment Charm on himself and moved through the grass, towards the hut where the gatekeeper dwelt. Since it was his duty to assume the worst, he decided that Hogwarts did not expect the Dark Lord's attack and that the best course of action would be to warn Hagrid.

Suddenly, Severus stopped and stared into the night in front of him. He thought he glimpsed a movement, but it was gone. Then it was back again, a dark ripple on the edge of his vision. He made a step forward and finally saw it, a black silhouette crouching in the grass, looking at Hagrid's hut. It turned its head and Severus noticed the reflection of the starlight on a metallic, skull-shaped mask. A Death Eater.

 _A sentry, perhaps, on lookout for Hagrid?_  Severus' heart began to beat faster. He could feel his tongue dry and swollen inside his mouth.  _Should I take him out or does he have friends nearby?_  Snape cursed silently. He couldn't see a fucking thing in the dark, and using a spell for light was out of the question.

And as he hesitated, something else demanded his attention. For a heartbeat it was just a pale flicker, but then it swooshed up, glowing and hungry against the night sky.  _A fire. They lit the Forbidden Forest on fire._  A few seconds later, Hagrid's hut went up in flames in the distance, hues of white, yellow and orange swirling up in the black night.

The grass rustled and Severus turned his head to notice the sentry slinking towards the edge of the forest that was closest to them and still unaffected by the fire. Snape stood there, immobile and invisible, cursing himself.  _The attack has started. I am too late._

The battle for Hogwarts had begun.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 26**

**November 10, 1981, The Forbidden Forest**

 

The trek through the woods had seemed endless. Now Lucius Malfoy glanced back and eyed the dead. The creatures – the Dark Lord had called them  _inferi_  – stood so still that it was hard to make them apart beneath the darkness of the forest canopy. They were gathered around the Dark Lord, completely subservient to his will.

Lucius fought back the feeling of nausea and averted his grey eyes. He had more pressing concerns.  _Like the fact that I must find a way to slip past the Dark Lord and find Narcissa and Draco as soon as we breach the castle's walls._

Their forces were ready. Yaxley and his men had sent word from the far end of the lake, awaiting for Bellatrix's signal to head forth. Rosier and Nott had taken their much smaller force into the air less than fifteen minutes ago, also holding back in order to strike in a well-coordinated matter. Once they were in the sky, Nott had sent one of his Death Eaters to observe the school from above and she had reported that the defenses seemed surmountable; a few people, probably the last surviving members of the Order of the Phoenix, manned the walls but the Dark Lord's forces outnumbered them.  _And that's not even counting the inferi,_  Lucius thought.

Lucius moved forward, the fallen leaves on the ground covered in frost and crunching beneath his boots. He went to Dolohov's side. Since the elder man held the reserve, neither he nor Lucius were going to head out of the forest before the Lestranges and Yaxley managed to get inside Hogwarts.

"Still waiting for the signal?" Lucius asked.

Antonin Dolohov grunted and grimaced. Lucius knew that both of them held the Lestranges in little esteem due to how mentally unstable they were. "Should be any moment now," Dolohov muttered, his breath coming in faint puffs around his face.  _It's bloody cold,_  Lucius fought back the urge to shiver beneath his velvet mantle.

Suddenly he glimpsed a flash of yellow light in the distance where Bellatrix had gone before being followed by her brother-in-law's team. It flickered and grew brighter, bathing the tree trunks in a warm glow.  _Fire,_  Lucius noted idly. It meant that she had reached the gatekeeper's hut. It also meant that everything was past the point of no return now. The battle was just about to begin and he had to find his wife and son as soon as he entered the school.

Lucius vaguely wondered what had happened to Severus after he left him his wand.  _Did he manage to escape?_  If he had, Lucius hoped that his former friend would have the sense to get as far away from Britain as humanly possible. Prodded by the disgusted shock he had experienced when the Dark Lord raised the inferi from the bottom of that underground lake, this had been the last gesture of good will he was able to extend to the man who had spared his life back at the Ministry of Magic.  _We're even, Snape._

Then Lucius realized that something was wrong. Bellatrix must have lost whatever small control she still possessed and when she had lit Hagrid's hut ablaze, she had also started a fire that was spreading through the far end of the Forbidden Forest. Flickering shadows started to dance in the dim, orange glow.  _Merlin's balls!_  Lucius swore.  _The stupid bitch!_

He turned and ran back to the Dark Lord, trying very hard not to see the dead things that stood around his master.

"My lord!" Lucius said. "The forest is on fire. Shall we command an attack?" Lucius hoped that the Dark Lord was still not as far gone as to disregard the danger of standing in a burning forest. He could smell the smoke already.

The Dark Lord was studying his metallic arm, tracing the shiny surface with his real, pale fingers. He raised his reptilian eyes and looked at Lucius, the distant flicker of the flames reflected crimson in his dark red orbs.

Before he could reply to Lucius, however, a scream echoed nearby. It was full of such a primal horror that both Lucius and the Dark Lord looked at its direction.

For a moment Lucius could not make out anything in the darkness other than the shapes of the Death Eaters moving startled through the trees, looking out for any sign of danger.

Then a second scream pierced the night once more, choked with gurgling pain. From atop a small ridge covered in ancient moss a huge shape emerged, scurrying on eight arched, hairy legs. It took him a moment to realize that what he was seeing was a spider as large as a horse, its black carapace streaked with the glimmering orange light of the fire. It was holding one of the Death Eaters who were sent on lookout in its two serrated jaws, the fangs buried in the man's thigh and side. The Death Eater was trashing wildly, beating on the monster's flat head with gloved hands.  _He's dropped his wand,_  Lucius thought as he stood there dumbfounded. The screaming sentry jabbed his fingers into one of the giant spider's eight eyes, sending spurts of black ichor in the air. The spider shuddered violently, released the Death Eater and pounced once again on him with savage fury, biting him again and again with its huge fangs.

An emerald ray swooshed past Lucius and he saw the Killing Curse hit the monstrous spider. It fell from the ridge, dead, its legs coiled around its body in a futile, instinctive attempt of self-defense. Lucius turned his head and saw Dolohov gripping his wand, pointed at the direction of the ridge. Then he felt the blood drain out from his heart as he saw more spiders descending on them from all sides, a swarm. Their arachnid shapes threw queer shadows in the flickering fiery gloom and suddenly the Death Eaters started shouting and running, madly sending lethal spells and hexes through the air as they tried to get away from the chittering fangs of the huge spiders.

Lucius drew his wand from his cane and shot a swift Killing Curse at the nearest spider. The monster died quickly but more and more were pouring in through the autumn foliage. The largest advanced on the ground, but Lucius looked up and saw smaller ones slithering through the naked branches of the trees all around them.

"What the fuck?!" one of the nearby rank-and-file Death Eaters shrieked behind his mask as his birch wand spewed streams of purple flames at the spiders. Despite their size – some of them were as big as Lucius' carthorses back at the Manor – the creatures moved with a terrifying agility.

"Acromantulas," the Dark Lord muttered, his voice maddeningly calm, speaking more to himself than to anyone in particular. Lucius heard him and turned to look questioningly at his master before he whirled back and killed another spider.

Then the inferi moved as one, animated by the Dark Lord's will. The dead surged forth and tore into the spiders, unafraid of pain or poison, and completely immune to the terror that the men and women behind the skull masks had to fight.

With his peripheral vision, Lucius noticed that one of those acromantulas was charging at him. Before he could as much as aim a hex at the monster, it was already at him, jumping high to topple him and start chewing on his body with its terrible, pincer-like jaws.

Lucius tensed, expecting the impact and the agony that was to follow, but apparently Salazar Slytherin himself was looking after him. A swirling beam of jade energy hit the enormous spider just as it was lurching into the air. Lucius had never been so glad to see a stray shot of the Killing Curse. The spider still fell on him, however. At least it was dead.  _Thank Merlin for small mercies._  Lucius stared up at the creature's misshapen head with the huge pincers and the eight black, beady eyes. If he hadn't vomited earlier tonight when the Dark Lord summoned the inferi, he surely would have emptied his stomach now. The urge still made his torso heave and he choked out a cry of disgust and anger. He flicked his wand up, sending the spider's carcass up into the air and stood up on shaky feet as it landed on the leaf-strewn ground with a faint  _thud._

"I had forgotten," the Dark Lord murmured as he moved closer to Lucius who shot a Killing Curse at one of the smaller spiders that had climbed up the branches of a tall, gnarled oak. Lucius missed with the first green blast, but got the creature with the second.

"My lord?" he asked when he stepped back to observe his surroundings. This was getting too much for his already frayed nerves.

"Back when I was a student here," the Dark Lord said casually as he stretched his metallic arm forward and the nearest three spiders were each engulfed in blue fire that turned them to nothing more than charred husks in mere moments. "Hagrid had a pet acromantula," the Dark Lord explained. "He was expelled… but it would seem that didn't stop him from breeding them in the forest."

Lucius was aghast.  _Those things were here, the whole time? When I studied here? When Narcissa and Draco are here?!_

He turned his eyes away from the Dark Lord and saw that the inferi were making short work of the spiders. They launched their dead bodies at the acromantulas from all sides, swarming them over, ignoring the venomous wounds they suffered and tearing them limb from limb. Between the horde of the unrelenting dead and the flying curses of the Death Eaters, the spiders were being driven back, towards the fires that were now raging in the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. The giant arachnids seemed to realize that they were no match for the inferi and soon they turned to flee, chased by stray bolts of tens of Killing Curses.

Lucius clenched his jaw, greedily taking deep breaths of air.  _This is a nightmare._  First the dead rising from that lake, now the monstrous spiders…  _After we're done I may have to go to St. Mungo's and get checked for insanity._

"My lord!" Dolohov cried, "Let us advance on the castle! We won't be able to handle both the fire and a second attack!"

The Dark Lord nodded and the Death Eaters moved out, leaving the dead. A few lay in the cold ground, wounded, moaning in pain or convulsing due to the effects of the spider venom. Dolohov and a couple of his men put them out of their misery.

As they left the cover of the Forbidden Forest, Lucius couldn't resist and threw a glance back, half-expecting to see the acromantulas chasing after them on their scurrying, hairy legs. But the only thing that came from the wood was the seeping smoke.

They passed by Hagrid's hut, blazing like a lit pyre in the night. He wondered dimly whether the gatekeeper had been inside when Bella put it to the torch. The fire had spread well into the Forbidden Forest by now. Lucius hoped that it would burn all down, spiders, trees and all.

He looked at the castle, standing enormous and proud across the lake. He saw that the gates were gaping open, charred and broken by the Lestranges. Dolohov barked an order and his men raced through the bridge. Lucius followed them, the Dark Lord at his back with his undead retinue in tow.

As he ran forward, Lucius saw the distant figures of the school's defenders running across the ramparts. He looked up and had to bite his tongue in order not to cry out as he glimpsed Nott and Rosier's flying squad sweeping down and showering the castle with deadly hexes. The rippling shrouds of the dementors that hovered behind them were just barely visible from the ground but Lucius was certain that the defenders atop the walls were already feeling the surge of cold and despair. Slabs of stone and clouds of mortar flew into the chill, night air. Down at the courtyard, through the shattered gates, he could see the blinking, flickering lights of curses coursing back and forth. Apparently the Lestranges had encountered some resistance. With each step, Lucius could hear shouts, screams and the hissing of flying curses seeping from the castle.

As Dolohov and his team ran inside, Lucius tightened his grip on his black wand and steeled himself. This was the true battle, with opponents that were not as terrifying as the giant spiders but were much more intelligent and, thus, deadly.  _Narcissa and Draco. Think of Narcissa and Draco._  Lucius could see small fires erupting on the castle's side; it seemed Yaxley had managed to sail through the lake and his men had begun their attack as well. Lucius realized he was heading into a dwelling of death and madness. But he had no choice. He was going in there, and he was going to walk out with his family safe and sound.

He took a deep breath and ran into the school.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 27**

**November 10, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

When the gate exploded and swung open, Lily had been standing alongside McGonagall on a balcony that overlooked the courtyard. When she had come to her side, the Head of Gryffindor House had turned her steel-grey eyes to her and smiled slightly as a way of greeting.

Dumbledore had insisted that Harry, Narcissa and Draco were all to come to his office and stay there until the battle was finished. He claimed that the Headmaster's Office was the most secure place in Hogwarts… and while there was truth to that, Lily had known immediately that his true purpose was to keep both her son and the Malfoys together and within his reach. The Headmaster intended to deal with You-Know-Who himself, but in order to lure Voldemort into a false sense of security, he wasn't going to join the fray until the enemy was in his clutches or the situation outside became too dire.  _Unfortunately, Narcissa saw right through it as well,_  Lily mused. The blonde was not a bad woman, and in the short time she and Lily knew each other, she had learned to enjoy her company and her sometimes caustic wit, even if the other witch could be way too haughty and arrogant at times. But the fact remained that her husband was one of Voldemort's most esteemed commanders and Dumbledore simply couldn't risk having her out of his hands at a moment like this. Lily didn't like it, but she understood. Narcissa had been remarkably understanding as well, all things considered. At least she had resisted the urge to make a scene out of it.  _Harry will have some friendly faces there._  She stubbornly continued to trust Narcissa more than Dumbledore when it came to Harry – to one, her baby boy was simply Draco's new friend, to the other he was an asset against You-Know-Who. Dumbledore had offered to Lily to stay with them too, but she had declined. She suspected that the Headmaster had anticipated her refusal but asked her all the same.  _And regardless, even with all the teachers backing us up, and those walking suits of armor, there are still too few of us._

Soon after she had joined McGonagall, Lily's mind was torn out from all musings when they saw Hagrid's hut burst in flames. The balcony was high enough to allow them a view all over the castle grounds and the flickering orange glow in the distance caught Lily's eye immediately. Moments later she realized two things. First, that this was it – no getting out, whether she was prepared or not, the war had finally come to Hogwarts' doorstep. Second, that the fire was spreading out through the Forbidden Forest as well. She swallowed heavily and turned to her former Head of House.

"I guess it's started," Lily said, needing to make noise in order to calm the rabid beat of her heart.

McGonagall pursed her thin lips and looked down to the courtyard where Vance and Hagrid were standing ready at the gate, scores of the animated armor suits deceptively still near the walls. Lily knew that Flitwick, Remus, Aberforth and Kettleburn were patrolling the battlements of the castle and must have also seen the distant blaze at the forest's edge. The rest of the school's defenders were gathered inside, where they were all going to retreat if the fight for the courtyard turned sour.

"I wonder…" McGonagall muttered, her sharp gaze returning to the burning hut across the lake. "Was that a signal for us… or for them?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Lily, it stands to reason that they would attack on more than one front, doesn't it?" The Head of Gryffindor House shrugged. "Maybe this was their way to begin a coordinated move from all sides. Or it could have been an attempt to make us afraid."

 _If it was, then it was successful,_  Lily thought but was clever enough not to voice it. "I'm just glad that Hagrid managed to do whatever he needed to do in that forest and got back before…"  _Before they caught him alone outside,_  she finished silently. "Do you know what he was talking about? Who was this Aragog he said he needed to talk to?"

"Didn't bother to ask, nor did I have the time," McGonagall said curtly.

That, at least, was true. McGonagall was – in many ways – Dumbledore's second-in-command, both within Hogwarts and the Order of the Phoenix. A great deal of the tactical organization of the school's defense had fallen on her.

Before Lily could say anything else, however, the castle gate shook as if hit by a great hammer. Down in the courtyard Vance and Hagrid visibly tensed, fully prepared. Lily gripped her wand tightly, ready to provide covering fire for them from the balcony.

Suddenly a shout far from the left made both her and McGonagall to turn their heads. Lily glimpsed Aberforth's long white hair flapping in the autumn wind as he ran across the ramparts, his old, worn coat billowing behind him. Remus was following him, trying to keep up with the elder man's long strides.

"Damn them!" McGonagall hissed when they saw Aberforth and Lupin launching scarlet Stunners towards the lake. "They really are attacking us on two fronts."

Lily shivered involuntary and huddled beneath her leather jacket.  _Why is it so cold suddenly?_  She gulped down her discomfort and the gnawing worry. Those that were in charge of defending the walls were going to have it the hardest, not being able to count on the help of the suits of armor Dumbledore had awoken. On the other hand, if the Death Eaters were coming from the lake, their position was far from perfect either, leaving them with a steep climb over the high castle walls all the while being exposed to Aberforth and Lupin's hexes.  _I can't do anything for them,_ Lily reminded herself. She had her own tasks. She turned to look back at the gate…

… and saw it explode in a giant ball of flames and black smoke. The sound of it was deafening, like the wrath of some forgotten thunder-god. Shrapnel, swirls of soot and charred stone showered the courtyard, sending Vance and Hagrid scrambling for cover. A heartbeat later the shockwave rippled through the chill night air, making Lily sway and lose her balance, even as high above the explosion as she had been.

Lily saw dark shapes running through the veil of thick smoke, invading the castle. Vance must have noticed them too, because Lily saw her pointing her wand at the gaping hole where the castle's gates hung broken and showering the incoming Death Eaters with battle curses. They returned the gesture and Vance had to retreat behind a huge, blackened slab of stone that had been torn from the gatehouse.

Lily remembered where she was and, cursing herself for her incisiveness, started shooting hexes at the Death Eaters below. She could see them clear now, the smoke fading away – shiny masks and black capes, wands gripped in gloved hands that were fully prepared to kill. One of her Stunners hit a tall, broad-shouldered Death Eater who was thrown back from the blast of red light. A few of the masked heads turned up and Lily realized that they had seen her and McGonagall when a barrage of Killing Curses smashed into the balcony. The two witches managed to jump back but no other attacks followed the first. Lily gulped, moved forward and quickly peeked down.

The courtyard was a mess. Smouldering debris were strewn everywhere and a few bodies clad in black already lay on the ground. Lily saw Hagrid let out a roar and charging the lines of the Death Eaters using his enormous fists much more proficiently than the wand concealed inside his umbrella. She saw one of the commanders of the Death Eaters, dark hair falling in front of his face and giving him a sinister look, hitting the gatekeeper with the Cruciatus. Hagrid cried out in pain and stumbled back, falling on one large knee. Before the Death Eater – Lily wasn't sure, but she thought he was one of the Lestrange brothers – could finish him off, though, a massive steel hand grabbed him by the back of his head, lifted him into the air and drove him so hard and fast into the ground that Lily wasn't sure if he was alive as he lay motionless after. The rest of the armor suits were advancing on the Death Eaters.  _There's not… that many of them, even accounting for those trying to come from the lakeside._ She spared a glance at the ramparts on the left, and was relieved to see that Aberforth and Remus were unharmed and apparently were managing to stem the Death Eaters' advance there. She could almost ignore the sense of bitter foreboding but the cold was becoming worse with each breath she took. What was going on?  _At least Remus is fine. So far, so good._  She wondered how Flitwick and Kettleburn were faring on the distant side of the walls but her balcony's view in that direction was obstructed by one of the castle's towers.

Suddenly McGonagall turned her head so sharply towards the sky that Lily involuntarily followed her gaze. Initially she couldn't make anything, just darkness streaked with the faraway glimmer of the stars. Then the cold hit her like an icy wave, making her gasp and sending her heart into a frenzy.  _Dementors._

And they were not alone. A bunch of figures, blacker than the night sky, were plummeting on brooms towards Hogwarts.

The Death Eaters were launching an aerial assault.

Lily's instincts kicked in and she jumped away from the balcony, inside the hallway of the castle. A second later a ball of crackling yellow flames pierced the stone where she had been standing, bathing the balcony in a soft, evanescent glow that would have been beautiful if it wasn't just a few moments away from burning her to death.

Lily looked at McGonagall. As the yellow fumes of the fire-hex evaporated into the cold night, the Head of Gryffindor House stood proud and tall, untouched by the fire. An elderly Death Eater, dressed in a lavish, billowing cloak that marked him as another of Voldemort's lieutenants was descending madly towards McGonagall. He flicked his wand, sending a Blasting Curse towards her.

McGonagall sidestepped it with ease, but couldn't stop it from crashing behind her and sending half the balcony into the empty air. The broom and the Death Eater atop it were getting closer. Lily saw her making one swift move with her wand that caught the Death Eater completely off-guard. A silvery cord appeared out of thin air and wrapped itself around his body in mid-flight. He immediately lost his balance and toppled off the broom with a hoarse cry.

He was either incredibly lucky or McGonagall's aim was just  _that_  flawless because he only fell a short distance and crashed onto the balcony. McGonagall didn't waste even a second and hit him with a Stunner, then did something that Lily was completely unprepared for.

She  _caught_  the Death Eater's broom as it was swirling towards her and without any hesitation leapt from the balcony. Lily let out a choked cry and scrambled to the edge of the half-destroyed balcony. She saw McGonagall climbing on the broom with one swift motion while plummeting in the air then making a sharp turn up, gaining height. She went after the airborne Death Eaters, dodging and zig-zagging around the green rays of their Killing Curses with the graceful ease of a professional Quidditch player. It was in this moment when Lily realized just why Minerva McGonagall was the Head of Gryffindor. The older woman had always seemed very composed, even somewhat stiff; Lily had always thought that she had a lot of good qualities – McGonagall was a level-headed, powerful witch who commanded respect with her mere presence – but, privately, she had always found it a bit odd that she, of all people, would be the Head of a House that was famous for brash bravery and a knack for heroics. Now, as she watched her taking down the air force of the Death Eaters one after another without giving them a chance to even slow her, Lily saw just how heroically brave McGonagall could be.  _We might even win this._

Still looking at McGonagall, Lily noticed that the dementors were trying to surround her while she was busy fending off the Death Eaters on their brooms. Lily took a deep breath. She had to do  _something_ … but had no idea what. The only reliable way to combat a dementor was with the use of the Patronus Charm; but that wasn't a simple spell – it required of you to focus your happiness and calm your spirit. Lily was anything  _but_  happy and calm. James' death, Sirius' death… Sev's death… They still haunted her, marring her soul, despite the will to fight she had found within her heart earlier today. And the fear she felt for Harry and her friends who fought all around her seemed so insurmountable…

But she had to try. She couldn't let McGonagall down, simply couldn't.  _Happiness, think of happiness, be happy._ Remembering James and the brief time they had as a husband and wife before the war, she cried, " _Expecto Patronum!_ "

A faint silvery glow danced around the tip of her wand but no Patronus appeared. A part of Lily's mind sadly realized that she couldn't even summon James' memory without tasting the crushing loss. In a horrible, twisted way, he was a source of sadness now, the joy of the early days of their marriage gone.  _Maybe…. maybe I should… let him go._

And she did.

The ease with which she did it surprised and saddened her. People always said that such things took time and toll. But here she was, mere ten days after her husband had given his life to protect her and their son, and she accepted that the memory of him couldn't bring her enough happiness to produce a Patronus.  _Not anymore._

But McGonagall needed her. Lily couldn't allow herself to fail.

She needed to focus and find the strength inside.

And suddenly it was obvious.

She closed her eyes and Harry's little face swam in front of her, bright green eyes shining up at her, peeking under bangs of soft black hair. His smile was so innocent and full of joy. She could almost imagine him in her arms, could almost feel the beat of his heart. Nothing she had ever experienced could compare to the intensity of the mother's love she felt for Harry. She had never loved anyone like she loved Harry. Not James, not Petunia or their parents… not even Sev.

_Sev…_

And then he was there too, placing his hand on her shoulder and looking down at Harry alongside her. She took a deep breath and saw a memory she had always cherished. A little girl with shaggy red mane staring at a scrawny boy with mismatched clothes and long black hair. The children were holding hands and Lily knew that in a moment the girl was going to discover the gift that was going to change her life forever…

It was strange, but thinking of Sev did not make her sad. His death was a fresh wound, and she knew that she would be feeling the empty hole inside her soul for years to come… but right now, at this place and point in time, he was source of comfort and strength.  _He always believed I was strong and special._   _He believed in me, even if I didn't always believe in him._  He would have despised the very thought of her being weak because of him.

Lily opened her eyes. The dementors were closing in on McGonagall who was still busy with the Death Eaters. Only a few seconds had passed but Lily felt like she was standing on that balcony, her wand pointed to the sky, for eons.

Composing herself and willing her fluttering heart to calm itself Lily once more remembered how Harry felt when she held him and imagined Sev standing next to her, silently supporting her.

" _Expecto Patronum,_ " she said softly.

The white light that shone from her wand blinded her for a moment. When her eyes adjusted, she saw a glimmering, silvery doe launching itself into the sky, a surging, glowing wave of magic sparkling beneath its perfect hooves.

The Patronus swept over the dementors, sending the cold creatures into a panicked retreat. McGonagall dispatched the last of the Death Eaters and looked down at Lily who was still staring up from the balcony with her wand raised. The Head of Gryffindor nodded, then turned her broom and dove towards the courtyard.

Lily's eyes followed her and she took a look at the battle on the ground.

It looked bad. The suits of armor were trying to hold back Voldemort's forces but more and more Death Eaters were pouring from the shattered gates. A lot of the castle's animated guardians lay in heaps of half-molten steel that was still glowing hot.

Flitwick and Kettleburn had abandoned the ramparts they were patrolling – no Death Eaters had come from their side of the walls – and were trying to help Vance and Hagrid to stop the evil tide that was trying to drown the school.

Lily rained hexes from above as McGonagall swept down on the broom she had appropriated from the Death Eater that still slumbered unconscious and hogtied on the balcony next to Lily. The elderly witch was like a sudden storm from above, dispatching Death Eaters left and right.

Then one of them managed to hit her broom with a thundering  _Incendio_  and the Head of Gryffindor crashed on the ground, hard.

"No!" Lily cried as she noticed three of them circling around the fallen woman like sharks, their eyes shining with malice beneath their skull-like masks. " _Stupefy!_ " Lily screamed and the scarlet ray of the Stunner hit one of the Death Eaters in the back, sending him face-first into the dirt. McGonagall got up on one knee and levitated a few of the stones around her to shield herself from the hexes the rest unleashed on her.

One of the few remaining armors ran towards the Head of Gryffindor and smashed into the Death Eaters, giving McGonagall a chance to take a breath and stand up. She immediately joined the fray and dispatched her would-be killers with contemptuous ease.

Something caught Lily's eyes and she looked to the gaping gate. She frowned and shook her head, as if that could clear her vision, but she still saw them. Rotten, pale figures were shambling inside the courtyard, heading towards the members of the Order of the Phoenix.

Then a cold voice rang all around them, a voice that Lily still remembered from Hallowe'en.

" _MORSMORDRE!"_ it cried.

A swirling spear of green light shot into the sky and expanded in a haze of emerald smoke. A glimmering skull slowly formed amidst the unnatural cloud and as its jaw opened the shape of a snake slithered from its mouth like a tongue. The Dark Mark hovered silently above the school, glowing with ghostly, green light, etched against the black night sky.

Voldemort had come to Hogwarts at last.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 28**

**November 10, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

Narcissa Malfoy saw the Dark Mark through the window of the Headmaster's Office and swallowed heavily. Midnight had passed two hours ago and soon after that the attack on the castle had begun. This was shaping up to be one the worst nights of her life. There were people she cared about on both sides… and she had the sickening feeling that once it was done and the dust was settled, she would have to mourn someone.

She looked at the two cribs Dumbledore had conjured for Draco and Harry. The boys were sleeping, blissfully unaware of the carnage that was raging at the courtyard. Narcissa's throat felt raw and constricted.  _Lily is fighting there, and probably so is Lucius._  The only thing she hoped for was that both of them would come out unscathed, but she knew that this was a fool's hope.

Narcissa glanced at Albus Dumbledore. The Headmaster had not paid her and the children much attention once the battle started. He stood in front of a window, his hands crossed behind his back and his blue eyes drinking the sight of the battle that whirled below him.

Once the Dark Lord's voice had boomed across the whole castle and the Dark Mark had glowed green and menacing against the black sky, Dumbledore turned from the window and wordlessly left the office. Narcissa heard the door lock after him.  _He is going to face the Dark Lord,_  she realized. A part of her, a part buried so deep that she only recently found it within her heart, a part that she would never give a voice to in front of Lucius, hoped that Dumbledore was going to kill that lunatic once and for all.

It was not like she supported Dumbledore and his cause… Narcissa was still a pureblood and she still believed that the Wizarding World needed a different, stronger rule. But she also remembered Sirius, and how their family had disowned him for siding with mudbloods and muggle-lovers.  _And I remember Andromeda, too._  Sometimes Narcissa wondered how her sister was faring. Would the House of Black consider her a blood traitor too, if they knew she prayed for the Dark Lord's death? Narcissa had been surprised at how little she cared. It was one thing to adhere to the old traditions… but what was happening outside was nothing but pure madness.  _When did we become a madman's playthings?_  she wondered. Was it a single moment that had passed them over without them paying any heed, or a gradual descent that nobody noticed because they were always too busy to plan the next step of the dance that was going to make the Wizarding World theirs as was their right? Or did it went deeper and further in time, to their parents and their parents before them? Both she and Lucius were raised within a circle that had pledged itself to the Dark Lord long ago, long before her husband was branded with the Dark Mark.  _Did we ever have a choice?_

Sirius had believed that they always had a choice. He had made his without even considering the alternative. He paid for it with his life and died an outcast. So had Andromeda who married a mudblood, and was forever banished from their home.  _But is it worth to live in luxury while being the slave of a monster?_  She still shuddered when she remembered all those months when the Dark Lord had dwelt inside Malfoy Manor. Sharing her home with him, knowing that he was under the same roof as them, cold and cruel, and plotting nothing but death and destruction, having to plaster an eager smile on her face every time he spoke to her…

Narcissa shook her head, trying to make those memories disappear. She went to the cribs and watched her son sleep.  _If the Dark Lord survives, Draco will grow up to be his slave, just like me and Lucius_ , Narcissa realized, her heart heavy with sorrow. Her pale eyes glanced at Harry.  _And he will not grow up at all._  How could she hope for anything else but for the survival and the happiness of those children?

Suddenly a flash of bright, fiery light made her turn her gaze towards the windows.  _An explosion?_  Then the deafening thunder of the shockwave boomed into the night, shattering the glass in all the windows inside the Headmaster's Office. Narcissa screamed and instinctively moved in front of the cribs to shield the two infants from the flying shards of glass.

She swayed, feeling dizzy and her ears ringing. She could faintly hear the boys crying, woken by the terrible blast that had rippled across the courtyard.  _Merlin, what happened?_ She hoped that Lily and Lucius were alive down there.

Narcissa turned to the crying children, raising her hands to take them and comfort them and she noticed blood dripping from the sleeve of her pearl-white dress. The silk was covered in wet red spots that bloomed bigger as she took a breath. The cuts weren't that serious so she immediately looked at the children, forcing her blurry vision to focus.  _Thank Merlin, they're alright,_  she sighed, then drew up her sleeve and examined the damage to her arm. A few sharp pieces of glass were embedded in the flesh but she managed to pull them out easily, hissing from the stinging sensation and cursing the fact that her wand was sitting back at the Manor, completely useless. She looked at her other sleeve and quickly ripped off a portion of the cloth, making a shoddy bandage. She didn't want her blood to drip over Draco and Harry.

"It's alright, little ones," she whispered softly as she leaned over the cribs. She reached and took Draco in her arms and started stroking his pale blond hair to calm him down. Once he had stopped wailing, she did the same with Lily's son.

She was breathing heavily, feeling light-headed.  _When will this end?_  she wondered. But, shaken as she was, she still realized that the more important question was  _how_  it was going to end.

Then she heard a metallic clacking and turned to look at the door of the Headmaster's Office.  _It's… unlocking…_ she realized. The handle turned on its own, as if possessed by some invisible will. The door slowly opened, its hinges moaning and creaking, and Narcissa felt as if a cold hand had caressed her lungs.

Her older sister was standing at the doorstep, her dark hair disheveled and her eyes gleaming madly.

"Cissy," Bellatrix murmured. "What are you doing here?"

 _What are_ you _doing here?_  Narcissa gulped. Bella had always unnerved her, even when they were little. Lucius had been mildly surprised, back in the early days of their marriage, when she had confided in him just how relieved she was that she didn't have to share a roof with Bellatrix anymore, now that she was a married woman and lived at the Manor. He was an only child and had heard that siblings loved each other fiercely.  _He never knew just what a toxic bog the House of Black is._  The childhood squabbles between the Blacks had slowly grown into full-fledged feuds, fueled by the previous generations' ambitions and slights both imagined and real. To an outsider the only obvious conflict had been between Sirius and the rest of the family… but that was far from the truth. Sirius and Regulus had been bad enough, as was the scandal that was born out of Andromeda's decision to marry that muggle-born man, but Bellatrix was the worst. She had become so unhinged as she grew older that Narcissa had began to find her company almost as repulsive as the Dark Lord's. Narcissa has always been so happy that the family she had built with Lucius was unlike the one that she grew up into.  _And yet the Dark Lord tainted even that._

Narcissa composed herself. There was only one reason for Bellatrix's presence.  _The Dark Lord's forces must have managed to enter the castle. And she's here to kill Harry._

"I have been here for some time now," she said, lowering Harry into his crib and moving to stand between her sister and the children. "Ever since the Dark Lord left the Manor."

Bellatrix smiled. Despite her beauty, the sight was somehow disquieting. "Then I'll rescue you, little sister," she frowned, then she giggled, "I think I killed our Herbology teacher on my way up."

"What is going on, Bella?" Narcissa asked, desperately trying to buy herself more time until Dumbledore or one of the others came. She once again cursed the lack of her wand. What was she to do against her sister without a weapon?

Bellatrix  _tsked_  with her tongue, "The Dark Lord is busy. Dumbledore came." Narcissa knew that already, but if she managed to get her sister to ramble, there was a bigger chance that help would arrive. Bellatrix giggled again, "So I came here to find Harry Potter. I figured that Dumbledore would have him close at hand," her sister's dark eyes shone hungrily as she eyed the cribs.

"Where is Lucius?" Narcissa asked.

Her sister shrugged. "Somewhere around. I saw him fighting down at the courtyard before I got inside the castle." Bellatrix edged closer to the cribs. Narcissa clenched her small fists and tensed. That made her sister frown. "What are you doing, Cissy?" she asked. "Don't you see?"

"See what?"

"You've got the Potter child," Bellatrix whispered excitedly. "When we kill him, the Dark Lord with shower us with his gratitude!"

Narcissa took a deep breath. The very thought of the Dark Lord rewarding her sister for murdering a baby was so terribly  _wrong_  that she felt sick to her stomach. Maybe it was because, unlike Bella, she was a mother or because, unlike Bella, she was sane… but she realized that she couldn't allow it to happen. Participation had been out of the question ever since Bellatrix entered the office but now Narcissa knew that even if no help came in the next few moments, she would do whatever it took to thwart her sister's plan. She remembered Sirius again. Long ago, her cousin had made his choice. And now Narcissa made her own.  _Damn it all to Hell, I could really use a wand right now…_

But she had no wand. All she had was her wit. She was a Slytherin and a Black. She knew how to use it as a weapon. So she straightened up and raised an eyebrow as she looked her sister in the eye. "Do you really believe that?" She snorted. "The Dark Lord always said he wanted him for himself. If you steal what he wants, the only reward you'll get is a  _Cruciatus_  in the face."

"What do  _you_  know of the Dark Lord's plans?" Bellatrix sneered derisively. "You don't even have the Mark." That was true. Narcissa was not a Death Eater, and there wasn't a day when she wasn't grateful for that. But Lucius had unwittingly let things slip from time to time, and before Lily had departed to prepare for the battle, she had confided in a hushed voice that Harry was the real prey the Dark Lord was after, begging Narcissa to watch over him until she returned. But the most important thing here was that Narcissa had managed to raise her sister's ire.  _Good. That will make her sloppy._  Bellatrix wasn't as dangerous when she got angry because then she had the tendency to lose even the small amount of rational thought that still remained inside her mind.

"Do you deny it?" Narcissa asked.

"Cissy, stop being a brat and move away from the little whelp," Bellatrix hissed and pointed her wand towards her sister. "Or I'll make you."

Instead of answering, Narcissa lunged forward, grabbed Bella's wrist and twisted her arm, making the dark-haired witch screech in surprise and pain. Bellatrix's other hand jabbed into Narcissa's face. The blonde immediately bit into the flesh, hard. She heard Bella hiss and felt blood spurting into her mouth. The thick, coppery taste choked her. Bellatrix twisted her body wildly and the two Black sisters toppled on the carpeted floor.

Narcissa could hear the boys crying loudly and cursed when her sister's sharp nails dug into her wounded arm. She was still gripping Bellatrix's wrist, holding her wand at bay. Bella shrieked in fury and managed to free herself, despite Narcissa's efforts.

Next thing she knew, a searing wave of pain washed all over her body. Narcissa screamed. Her sister had hit her with the  _Cruciatus._

"I've always hated you, Cissy!" Bellatrix hissed as she released her from the Unforgivable Curse's grasp. "Always so snotty, so arrogant… Thinking that you're something more than the rest of us because you got to marry Lucius!" She laughed. "After I kill Harry Potter, I will have the Dark Lord's gratitude. He will love me. Rodolphus is dead. The Dark Lord will take me as his. You won't take that away from me! I won't let you!  _Crucio!_ "

Narcissa writhed on the carpet, screaming in agony.  _Draco… Lucius… someone… help…_

Then a male voice shouted " _Avada Kedavra!_ " and Narcissa glimpsed a flash of green light as Bellatrix narrowly dodged a blast of the Killing Curse.

She whirled, her black robe billowing, and hissed, "Lucius."

 _Lucius? Are you really here?_  Narcissa groaned in pain, feeling on the verge of losing consciousness. She scrambled to get up on an elbow and saw her husband standing at the office's doorstep, an expression of murderous fury on his handsome face.

"You will never harm her again," Lucius hissed and sent another Killing Curse at Bella. Her sister levitated one of the chairs that stood in front of Dumbledore's huge desk and used it to block the emerald ray. As the chair exploded in a greenish mist of charred wood, Bellatrix screeched and sent a ball of yellow fire at Lucius.

Narcissa saw her husband ducking and jumping out of harm's way. She struggled to stand on her feet, to help him. She was too slow, still dizzy from the explosion earlier and the effects of the  _Cruciatus_. Her own body betrayed her and she stumbled down.

Lucius moved towards Bellatrix, showering her with hexes. Casting shield charms, she was retreating towards the broken window, the wind rustling her black clothes and her dark hair.

"How did you even get here?" she hissed, her voice dripping with hatred.

"I followed you, you crazy bitch," Lucius shot back. " _Flipendo!_ "

Narcissa saw her sister flying back when the blue blast smashed into her chest, her slender body hitting the window frame. She gripped the wood with both hands, dangling over empty air. Her eyes widened and her mouth curled into an evil snarl. If she was to let go, she was going to fall. Narcissa's heart soared. Lucius had her. He stepped forward and moved past the desk, closer and closer to Bella, wishing to see the defeat on her face.

Then Bellatrix looked at her little sister and a chocked cackle escaped past her lips. She released the broken wooden frame with one hand and pointed her wand at Lucius just as he was making to cast another Knockback Jinx.

" _Incarcerous!_ " Bellatrix shrieked as she lost her balance and swung out of the window, still holding to the frame with her other hand.

Narcissa watched in horror as the magic rope shot itself from her sister's wand and twisted and tightened around Lucius' throat and torso. He stumbled forward, surprise etched on his face.

"NO!" Narcissa screamed hysterically, desperately trying to get back on her feet. Her legs betrayed her once more and gave out under her. She fell on hands and knees.

Bellatrix laughed again and let go.

She fell from the window, still gripping her wand. Lucius wavered for a fraction of the second, lost his balance and lurched forward, trapped by Bellatrix's rope. Then he, too, was gone.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 29**

**November 10, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

When Severus saw the huge, glimmering doe Patronus racing across the sky, his heart soared in joy.  _Lily._  He could almost feel the strength flowing through his tortured body and he hobbled faster towards the bridge.  _Damn you, you useless excuse for a man! Faster!_  If Lily had cast a Patronus, that meant that there were dementors fighting for the Dark Lord.

He had seen the Forbidden Forest blazing up when the Death Eaters lit their fire, then glimpsed from the distance how the castle's enormous gates exploded and swayed open. A short time later the main force had emerged from the woods, followed by the dead.

Still hidden by the cover of darkness and the veil of the Disillusionment Charm, Severus had ran after them, fear and pain forgotten. All that mattered was to get to Hogwarts before it was too late. But, damn his leg, he was slow. The bones had not mended properly and with every minute he lost, he seethed with anger. He never stopped running.

By the time he entered the school's courtyard, everything was engulfed in chaos. Fires burned amidst the rubble, clouds of heavy, black smoke swirling everywhere. Spells were flying left and right, painting the night in a mad dance of colors and noises.

Snape was caught off-guard when his vision focused and he saw the living suits of armor, the orange glow of the flames reflected on the steel chestplates and empty helmets. They were relentless, seemingly unstoppable… and they were fighting against the Death Eaters. He saw four of the masked, black-clad men blasting one of the armors with streams of fire so hot that it blazed white and hurt his eyes. The joints creaked and melted, and the animated guardian fell back… but just as it did, another crashed into the Death Eaters, sending them into the air with powerful blows of its steel hands amidst the sound of screams and crushed bones.

But the Dark Lord's dead servants were just as merciless and implacable, and they outnumbered the walking suits of armor. They attacked in swarms, pale, decaying bodies burying the metal ones under their wright, uncaring of the grievous injuries they sustained in the process.

Severus saw the Dark Lord standing still across the courtyard, seemingly untroubled by the carnage that whirled around him. He pointed a metallic finger towards the sky.

" _MORSMORDRE!_ " he cried with a voice that washed over the castle.

A jet of green light pierced the black night sky and formed the Dark Mark, the skull and the snake sliding out of its jaw glowing like some new, nightmarish constellation.  _He's trying to scare them._  Severus noticed the few remaining members of the Order of the Phoenix, desperately trying to stem the unrelenting assault of Death Eaters and dead alike. He saw Emmeline Vance losing her footing and the pale fingers of one of the Dark Lord's pets coiling around her throat despite having half its head blown off and still smouldering with purple sparks. Hagrid was trying to reach her but he had his own problems, barely managing to deflect Dolohov's hexes with his stupid half-wand, half-umbrella contraption.  _Fuck._  Whom was he supposed to help? Vance was already down but Hagrid still stood a chance at least. Severus hobbled closer, getting within range.

The scarlet beam of his Stunner hit Dolohov right in the chest and he was thrown back, crashing amidst the rubble. Hagrid turned to look at him and when the gatekeeper's eyes widened in shock, Severus realized that his control over the Disillusionment Charm had slipped.  _Oh, just as well._

"Snape?!" Hagrid cried, his booming voice thick with bewilderment.

"Fight, you oaf, don't stare!" Severus shouted roughly as he ran past him, his black eyes scanning the courtyard, desperately seeking Lily.

A stray Killing Curse colored his vision in green for a split second as it whooshed past his head, and his leg gave out. Severus stumbled and fell, immediately scrambling to get back on his feet. He saw Flitwick and Aberforth fighting together, back to back, against a group of the dead. The tall, white-haired old man looked almost comical next to Ravenclaw's diminutive Head of House, but Flitwick was proving to be every bit the duelist he always claimed he had been back in his youth, firing Blasting Curses against the rotting monstrosities that were trying to get to him.

He glimpsed Lupin charging the corpse of Fenrir Greyback with such a savage fury in his hazel eyes that for a moment he was reminded of that dreadful night so many years ago. The living werewolf bathed the dead one in a stream of roaring, red flames that turned his skin and flesh to whisps of soot and evaporated his bones. Lupin kept burning the remains long after Greyback was finally and truly dead.

One of the rank-and-file Death Eaters noticed Severus and gasped startled underneath his skull-like mask. He was a large man, his black robes looking uncomfortably tight.  _Crabbe,_  Severus thought,  _or Avery._  Regardless of who he was, he was quick to throw a Blasting Curse at Severus. He barely managed to dodge it, his legs slow and sluggish. The explosion's shockwave sent him sprawled on his back. The impact with the hard ground drove the air out of his lungs. The Death Eater moved in for the kill. Before Snape could defend himself, however, a powerful blast of scarlet energy hit the Death Eater from behind and he flew forward, landing hard on the ground, unconscious.

Severus looked at the direction from where the Stunner came from and he finally saw her.

Lily.

She was standing on a half-demolished balcony overlooking the courtyard. Her thick, red hair was tousled by the wind.  _She's so beautiful,_  he thought numbly. She was staring at him, her chest rising and falling rapidly underneath her black leather jacket. Even from afar Severus noticed the expression of disbelief on that perfect face of hers and the shock in her wide eyes.  _You didn't think I'd leave you to fight alone, did you, Lily?_

Then Minerva McGonagall's thin face appeared in front of Severus, shielding the distant view of Lily from his eyes.  _This is a substantially worse sight._

"Severus," the Head of Gryffindor House frowned. "We thought you were dead."

 _Is that why Lily seemed so shocked to see me?_ "Any reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated," he grunted. He vaguely remembered reading similar words in a muggle book during one of his summer vacations back when he was a boy. It seemed appropriate.

He didn't know if McGonagall even caught the humor in it, because her lips remained pursed as ever. She grabbed Severus' hand in her own and helped him get up. When he looked back at the balcony, Lily was gone.

In her place, however, he glimpsed a dementor swooping down from the sky, attracted by the death and destruction that reigned below.

McGonagall whirled and whispered, " _Expecto Patronum!_ " sending a small, incorporeal cat into the air. Her Patronus may have been small in size, but it shone like a bright star, glowing with silver light in the sky. It pounced at the dementor, sending the dark creature back with a deathly rattle.

Snape looked around, letting his eyes drink in the battle. A lot of Death Eaters had fallen, dead or wounded, but the dead creatures that served the Dark Lord's will were still numerous. He saw Bellatrix in the other end of the courtyard, sending a Killing Curse towards one of the teachers… Kettleburn, maybe? The elderly man was not quick enough to dodge the green ray and he fell among the burning rubble like a rag doll. Hagrid, Aberforth, Lupin and Flitwick were trying to retreat towards the main building of the castle but their path was blocked by a large group of the walking corpses.

Then a clear voice rang across the courtyard.

"TOM!" it shouted. "Show yourself, Tom! It's time to finish this."

Severus saw Dumbledore, teal robes flapping in the wind as he exited the castle and moved across the courtyard. One of the lowly, masked Death Eaters was foolish enough to run at him, wand raised high. The Headmaster dispatched him with a blindingly powerful Stunning Charm without even bothering to look at him.

Severus and McGonagall rushed together towards Dumbledore. Before they could reach him – Severus once again cursed his shoddy job on healing his leg back at that damned cave – the Dark Lord stepped from under the shattered gate. After conjuring the Dark Mark in the sky, he had stepped back, letting his servants and his dead minions to do the dirty work.  _Well, that's what they bloody are for,_  Severus mused.  _Merlin, how I hate that bastard…_

"Albus," the Dark Lord purred. "How kind of you to join us."

Dumbledore didn't answer. As Severus and McGonagall got closer and closer to the Headmaster, Snape could see his eyes behind his glasses. The blue orbs that used to twinkle maddeningly at him whenever the two spoke were now cold as chips of ice.

"There is nothing kind about this, Tom," Dumbledore finally said softly. "You attacked my school and murdered good people who were under my protection. And that is only the latest of your sins."

The Dark Lord's smirk twisted his pale face into an ugly snarl. "Give me Harry Potter, and I will leave you in peace, Albus," he offered. Severus saw right through it, of course.  _He's not even trying to be subtle._  He didn't expect Dumbledore to cave in, nor did he expect the Dark Lord to honor his word if for some inexplicable reason the Headmaster agreed.

"I will not give you anything," Dumbledore muttered. "Except the mercy of death."

The Dark Lord let out a shriek, part crowing laugh and part battle roar, he stretched his artificial metal arm forth and cried, " _Avada Kedavra!_ "

Snape had never seen such a huge and powerful blast of the Killing Curse. It shot itself straight at Dumbledore's heart, but the Headmaster answered with a spell of his own without even using words. A bright beam of golden light flew from his wand.

When the rays of the two spells collided, the golden and the emerald one, a powerful explosion echoed across the whole castle. The light was blinding. Then the world returned back to normal and Severus saw how all the windows in the school burst as one, sending a shower of glass everywhere.

By then McGonagall, who was running ahead of Severus, joined the battle, levitating and sending a few of the most massive slabs of stone that were strewed across the courtyard towards the Dark Lord while Dumbledore was casting fire hexes at his enemy.

The Dark Lord was frighteningly fast. He moved with an inhuman grace, avoiding the huge stone blocks by mere millimeters and using his metal hand to shield himself from the Headmaster's fireballs. He laughed and said, "Is that the best you and your pet can do, Albus?"

Then he clenched his shining, metal fingers into a fist and was surrounded by a ring of booming fire that rose high into the air, the flames fusing into a single, infernal pillar. With a thunderous billow the fire shaped itself into a humongous fiery serpent that dove down towards Dumbledore.

Severus felt a fierce cold as the air in front of Dumbledore's wand shone with a crystalline glow. The fire elemental smashed into the wave of icy air and evaporated with a mighty roar in a cloud of sparkling vapor.

Dumbledore flicked his still emanating cold wand and suddenly daggers and spears of hard, green ice flew straight at the Dark Lord, whizzing in the air. The pale wizard waved a hand, levitating the nearby remains of the melted suits of armor and using them to shield himself, sending shards of cracked ice and glowing metal all around them. Then he sidestepped a Blasting Curse that rumbled at him from McGonagall's wand and she suddenly had to jump behind one of the larger boulders that had been torn off the gatehouse when it exploded because the Dark Lord immediately answered with a Killing Curse.

Severus was close enough now, having managed to hobble near the three combatants. He raised his wand and shouted, " _Sectusempra!_ " aiming his curse at the Dark Lord's throat.  _Let's see how immortal you are once you are a head shorter!_

He never got to find out.

The Dark Lord turned his head sharply, fixed Severus with his red eyes and shielded himself with his metal arm, all in the fraction of the second before Snape's curse reached him.

"Severus," the Dark Lord purred. "You escaped."

Then Severus felt his mouth filling with blood. He looked down at his chest and saw blood seeping from a deep gash.  _He turned it back on me. Oh._

His legs twitched and trembled, he reeled and fell on his face, hitting the ground hard. He coughed, spitting blood. He could feel his life slipping away. He knew the counterspell, of course he knew it.  _I was the one who made the fucking curse._  But his wand had slipped from his fingers and he couldn't find the strength to reach for it.  _How fitting,_ Severus thought as his vision began to blur and darken, and the red pool beneath him started expanding.  _To die from my own spell. How many wizards can say that?_

He faintly heard footsteps, running madly towards him. He felt small, tender hands digging into his black cloak and rolling him over to face the night sky, lit by fire and smoke.

Lily's green eyes were staring at him, tears trickling down her cheeks.  _Lily. Don't cry. Not over me. I don't deserve it._  "Lily…" he opened his mouth to say those words to her, but then he coughed again and more blood gushed down his chin and throat.

"Sev!" Lily pointed her wand at the gash at his chest, sobbing openly and loudly. "No! Sev! _Tergeo!_  No!  _Episkey! Anapneo!_ It's not working! Sev! I can't heal it!"

" _Vulnera Sanentur_ ," Severus croaked, fighting to stay awake. "It's  _Vulnera Sanentur._ "

Lily immediately repeated the incantation, her voice sounding almost like a song despite the tears in it. Severus took a deep breath as he felt his wounds close. Lily continued to repeat the healing spell, tracing her wand over Severus' chest. He was still weak, so weak that he could barely suppress the urge to close his eyes and let black oblivion take him, but he was no longer dying.

Then Lily raised her head, her green eyes blazing with hatred. Severus turned and saw the Dark Lord locked in a silent struggle with Dumbledore. Minerva McGonagall lay still and no longer breathing on the ground at the Dark Lord's feet, her wand snapped in two and her grey eyes staring into nothingness. The Dark Lord's outstretched metallic hand was pouring a continuous stream of lethal emerald energy towards the Headmaster of Hogwarts. Dumbledore's own wand was producing a beam of protective red light, the two rays of ensorcelled light colliding and crackling.  _The Dark Lord is winning._  Snape's hand crawled, slowly, so slowly, until his fingers found his wand…

… Still on her knees beside Severus, Lily raised her wand and shouted, " _Confringo!_ "

A thundering wave of fire shot itself towards the Dark Lord and swept over his lower body. The Dark Lord screamed in pain and reeled sideways. The force of the explosion tore his body from the burning legs. He fell on the ground and looked in disbelief at the charred stumps that ended at his knees.

Severus gripped his wand and raised his torso up with his other hand, ignoring the protests of his body.

Dumbledore took a deep breath and pointed his wand at the Dark Lord.

The pale man was panting heavily. Severus had never seen him so wounded and vulnerable, not even back on Hallowe'en.

"Go ahead, Albus," the Dark Lord hissed. "Death is not going to be the end for me. Or do you want to make me beg?"

"I have no such intention, Tom," Dumbledore said calmly and sent a ray of shining light at the Dark Lord's chest.

In that very moment, Severus uttered, " _Avada Kedavra!_ "

The spells hit the Dark Lord's body simultaneously. He didn't have time to even scream. One moment he stood there, the next he imploded into dust, sending pieces of smouldering black cloth and tiny bits of charred white flesh into the air. For a heartbeat Severus thought he glimpsed his skeleton before it, too, fell apart under the wind's touch.

Severus released his breath and fell back on the ground.

"Lily," he muttered before his eyes closed and his mind shut itself down. "I love you."


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 30**

**November 12, 1981, Hogwarts**

 

Lily was chewing silently on her sandwich, staring at Sev. Harry whined in her lap and she absent-mindedly gave him the bottle of milk. Two days had passed since the battle. Two days since so many people had died. Two days since they won the war.

And Sev had still not woken.

And so Lily had done the only thing that made sense right now. She all but moved into the Hospital Wing and remained at his side. She slept in a bed next to his and had conjured a crib for Harry so she wouldn't have to leave Sev until he opened his eyes.

A part of her still couldn't believe that he was alive. It was afraid that she was going to wake up and everything would turn out to be a nightmare she had before the real battle was to begin. And that, when she was awake, he would still be dead.

She shook her head.  _If he was awake, he'd tell you that you're acting like a fool. Get a hold of yourself._

Even now, two days later, it seemed a bit strange to Lily that it was all over. Voldemort was dead. The zombie-like creatures he had summoned had finally perished with him, no longer animated by their master's dark will. The Death Eaters who had survived the battle and saw Voldemort die quickly surrendered. Now they were locked in Azkaban, where they were going to remain for the rest of their days.

Thinking of the Death Eaters and the battle made her remember Narcissa and her heart clenched in sadness for her friend.

While she was trying to save Sev's life at the courtyard, Bellatrix Lestrange had sneaked into the castle and had climbed all the way into Dumbledore's office, killing poor Sprout on the way. She would have killed Harry too, if it weren't for Narcissa and, surprisingly, Lucius, who had secretly followed Bellatrix. Narcissa had refused to let her sister harm Harry and so the mad witch had attacked her… only to be stopped by Lucius Malfoy who had immediately rushed to his wife's defense. In their duel Lucius and Bellatrix had both fallen from the tower where the Headmaster's Office was located.  _And now Narcissa is a widow, like me. And Draco doesn't have a father, like Harry._ Lily couldn't think of the Malfoys without feeling the lump in her throat.  _At least that bitch is dead too._  Narcissa had left Hogwarts along with Draco. She needed to bury her husband and take charge of his estate.  _I hope she doesn't hate me,_  Lily thought sadly. The blonde had been so shell-shocked in the day after the battle that it was impossible to say what had been going on inside her mind. Lily was determined to remain her friend for as long as the other woman would have it.

She sighed. Lucius was not the only victim of the battle and Voldemort's madness. Sprout had perished too, as had Kettleburn and Vance. And worst of all, McGonagall, who fell in the final fight against Voldemort, just as Lily had healed Sev's wounds. Lily knew that the death of the Head of Gryffindor House was going to leave an unfillable hole in Hogwarts. Dumbledore was going to give a eulogy for the fallen today, but unless Sev woke up and decided to attend, Lily was going to miss it.  _Does that make me a bad person? Or would they understand?_

Nobody had ever understood the connection she and Sev shared. Not Petunia, not her parents…  _certainly_  not James and their friends. She called him her best friend because she simply did not know another word for what they have had. Their differences never mattered to her… until their later years here in Hogwarts, when he had started on his dark path.

 _He said he loved me,_  she remembered, not for the first time since the battle had ended. She eyed his sleeping form. He looked pale and weak still… but so much better than he had back on that night, covered in blood and dying before her eyes.  _Don't think of that. You thought he was dead, then he was alive, then he was dying in your arms… but he's alive now. He's alright. He's going to make it, Madam Pomfrey said so._  The relief of that thought was so enormous that she felt almost guilty considering how pyrrhic their victory truly was. But she could almost hear Sev's deep voice inside her head, the bored drawl that used to both annoy and delight her, insisting that a victory was a victory in his typical, look-at-how-bad-I-am Slytherin fashion. She smiled slightly and continued eating her breakfast, lightly diddling Harry on her knee and enjoying the sound of her son's giggles.

* * *

The sun was shining through the Hospital Wing's tall windows, the late afternoon approaching fast, when Sev opened his eyes.

To her shame, Lily missed it, because she was busy trying to make Harry wear his sweater, and she had turned her back to Sev's bed.

"Lily?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Oh god!" she cried and whirled to him, Harry's red sweater still in her arms. "Sev! You're awake!"

"Where am I? What time is it?" he asked, raising himself on his elbows.

"We're in the Hospital Wing," she informed him and added, "It's almost five in the afternoon."

"I was out for almost a whole day?"

"Um… you were out for almost whole three days," Lily corrected him hesitantly. "How are you feeling? Do you want something to drink?"

"A glass of firewhiskey would be welcome," he sneered. Lily poured him water and he raised a black eyebrow.

"I'm afraid that this establishment doesn't offer spirits," she said as she handed him the glass, trying to keep her face serious and failing miserably. His black eyes shone in mirth as he met her green ones.

Sev smirked and greedily gulped down the water. Lily poured him another glass and asked, "Sev, how are you feeling? Does your leg hurt? Madam Pomfrey said… Or… or your… your chest?"

"What did she say?" Sev asked, frowning slightly.

Lily grimaced. Those were things she preferred not to think about. But he had the right to know.

"She said that your leg was broken," she said slowly, "and that you didn't mend it properly when you healed yourself. She…" Lily hesitated but Sev's eyes urged her to brave on. "She did what she could, but she said that it's likely you'll be limping for a while. Or longer," she finished softly, hoping he won't get mad.

"Oh…" he sunk back into his pillow and reflected on it for a few moments, then turned his head to her. "We did win, didn't we, Lily? I didn't dream it up? We killed that bastard."

"Yeah," she replied lamely. What else was she supposed to say to that?

Severus released his breath with a heavy sigh. "Good," he smiled.

They fell silent for a while. Strangely, Lily didn't feel awkward because of it. Sev was one of the few people she was always comfortable with. And she was too glad that he was alive and awake to feel awkward. But he needed to hear everything that had happened.

"Sev…" she began…

"Lily…" he muttered at the very same moment…

She couldn't help it. She laughed, the sound causing Harry to giggle from inside the crib. Sev looked slightly embarrassed.

"Go ahead," he said. "What did you mean to say?"

"You first."

He gave her a  _look_ , then released a long-suffering sigh. They had played that game… if you could call it that… so many times in their childhood. Now he would insist that she was to go first, then she would argue, and it could go back and forth like that until they both burst out laughing. But they weren't children anymore, as was evident by Sev's reaction.

"Fine," he grimaced, then his face turned very serious. "I'm sorry, Lily. More than you can imagine. For putting you and your son in danger. For not listening to you, back when you warned me where I was headed to. For pushing you away with my actions."

"Sev…" she whispered, but he interrupted her.

"I know that I can't ask you to forgive me," he said, averting his eyes from hers. "And that I can't make it right just by apologizing. I just… I don't know what to do other than letting you know how sorry I am."

"Sev," she tried again.  _I can't cry now. I am supposed to be happy. I can't cry._  "I thought you were dead," she blurted. "After you went to the Ministry… I thought you were dead. That I lost you, and that you died thinking… remembering how awful I was to you that day," she hiccupped and composed herself. "I'm sorry too, Sev. I forgive you. Can you forgive me too?"

"Forgive  _you_?" Sev's voice sounded strangely thick and choked. "Lily, there is nothing to forgive! How c…"

"Yes, there is!" she replied forcefully, her eyes stinging with tears that were begging to be shed. "I turned my back on you after that fight in 5th year, and after what you told me few days ago."

Then she couldn't hold it in anymore and she started sobbing. She heard the rustle of bedsheets and blankets as Sev rose from his bed and took her in his arms. She buried her face in his chest and allowed her tears to flow freely. Sev began to stroke her red hair, whispering soothing words into her ears.

She looked up at him after she calmed down. Something in his black eyes made her blush and she turned her gaze away from his.  _He said that he loved me. Did he… did he mean it in the way I think he meant it?_  The thought stirred conflicted emotions inside her. She had still not even mourned James properly…

… but she also remembered how, back when she was a child, she had thought that one day she and Sev would marry. Back then it had seemed like the most natural thing in the world. They were made for each other.  _A little girl's folly,_  she told herself. She hadn't known back then that there were different types of love, different ways of caring for another person. It was that simple. Or was it?

Lily pushed that thought at the back of her mind. She  _knew_  she had to discuss this with Sev, and better sooner than later, but there were other things they needed to talk about first.

Sev released her and sat back in the bed, giving her a shrewd look.

"And what did you wanted to say, Lily?" he asked.

She took a deep breath and prepared herself for his reaction.

"Lucius died in the battle," she told him. He lowered his eyes and drove a hand through his long hair but didn't say anything so she continued on, "I'm sorry, Sev. I know you two were friends, even… even if you ended on the opposite sides."

"He helped me, you know," Sev said softly. Lily looked at him, lost.  _What? When did that happen?_  As if able to read her thoughts, he added, "After the Ministry, when I was a captive… He left me my wand just before they departed to attack Hogwarts. I wouldn't have freed myself if not for him."

"Oh…"  _Damn you, Malfoy,_  she thought bitterly.  _You helped save my son, and you helped Sev too? Why did you have to get yourself killed!_ It had been easy to see him as an enemy before, but her friendship with Narcissa had taught her that even the purebloods could be decent people… and knowing that Lucius Malfoy had loved his wife and felt compelled to risk his life for her, that he had cared enough to help Sev escape, that his actions had helped assure Harry's safety – even if that was an unintended consequence for him… It was hard not to be saddened by his death, and not only out of compassion for Narcissa. Not for the first time, Lily was glad that Voldemort had been killed with her help.  _It was his fault, all of it._

"Who killed him?" Sev asked, tearing Lily out of her musings.

"Bellatrix Lestrange," she said and proceeded to explain everything to Sev. When she was finished, he looked pensive and thoughtful.  _You may tell me that victory is victory, but this victory was costly._  She took a deep breath, remembering about the eulogy Dumbledore had given today, the one she missed because she stayed at Sev's side as he slept. James, Sirius, Minister Bagnold, Alastor Moody, Rufus Scrimgeour, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Alice and Frank, Emmeline, Kettleburn, Sprout, McGonagall… even Lucius the Death Eater…  _So many good people, gone._  Was it even worth it?

Then she looked at Sev and heard Harry demanding her attention from inside the crib and she knew.

It was worth it.

* * *

"Sev," she said much later, as they ate the simple dinner the house elves had brought them. He looked at her, questioningly. She cleared her throat and took a sip of her pumpkin juice. "During the battle…" she began, hesitantly. Would he even want to have this discussion now? Then the Gryffindor in her rumbled annoyed by her weakness and she braved on. "You told me something…"

"Oh…" Sev looked terribly uncomfortable. "I wasn't sure that I did… I…" He sighed heavily and averted his eyes.

 _Well, at least that answers it. He meant it in_ that _way._

"For how long?" she asked him softly.

He snorted lightly. "Lily… It doesn't matter, alright?"

"It matters to me," she frowned.

Sev sighed, trying to keep his hands busy with his utensils. "From as far back as I can remember," he said and gave her an unreadable look. "I always cared for you, even back when we were nine years old. It just… grew as I did."

Lily was taken aback. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

He didn't answer, put his fork into the plate and leaned back on his chair. "I was afraid you would reject me," he confessed. "Even back in school I knew you deserved better than me." She opened her mouth to protest but he raised a hand and continued, "Then, as you know, I called you a… a…"

"Mudblood," she supplied the word and took another sip of the juice.

"Yes," he agreed, his tone slightly irritated for a moment, then returned back to being somber. "And after that it was too late. For a number of reasons," his black eyes darted towards Harry's crib for a split second before they focused back on her. "Lily, listen to me. I… I didn't mean to say it, to make you uncomfortable. I'm not a fool. I know you don't love me, not like I… like I feel about you," he gulped. "If you wish it, I will stay away from you. I have no intention to impose myself on you, Lily, and you should be safe now that the war is over."

His voice had become stiff and formal.  _This must be so hard for him…_  She was an open person and had no real problems sharing her emotions with the world. But Sev was her complete opposite, reclusive and secretive, hating it when people saw through his defenses.  _He has kept this bottled in for so long…_ Was it really that strange that right now he looked like he preferred to fight Voldemort all over again instead of having this conversation? But they had started it… might as well finish it.

"Back when I was little," Lily began, "I thought that we were going to marry one day, when we grew up."

"What?" Sev looked gobsmacked.

"I was a little girl, Sev," Lily said defensively. "Little girls have silly notions. It's normal." She felt her cheeks redden.  _Merlin, this is absurd. We're a joke._  Could at least one of them have this discussion like an adult without feeling embarrassed? She sipped her pumpkin juice. "I know things turned out different…  _so_  different… for both of us, but… at least for a time, long ago, I thought about you in that way too. Later it just seemed you weren't interested, and I… well. Yeah."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "What are you saying, Lily?" he asked.

"I don't know," she admitted. "What I know is that I've always cared for you too, like I've never cared for anyone. But…"

"But?"

"But we grew up, Sev. We drifted apart. I know we're both sorry, but it happened," she glanced at Harry's crib too. "Up until two weeks ago I was married, Sev. I need time to get over that. And before I do, I can't even think about anything else. Or anyone else." She lowered her eyes to her lap. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he said and smiled wanly. "I understand."

"I'm not sure that you do," Lily shook her head, then looked him right in the eyes. "But I don't want you to leave and shut me out of your life again. Everything else aside, and not counting Harry, you're the closest person I have left, Sev. Will you stay with me?"

He didn't answer. Instead his hand reached across the table and his fingers laced with hers. His black eyes bore into her.

"Always," he said.


	32. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**December 1, 1981, Nurmengard**

 

Albus Dumbledore stared at the black, foreboding fortress, the frosty wind of the Bavarian Alps rustling his thick, ivory-colored robes lined with fox fur. Despite the warm garments, he could feel the winter chill down to his bones.  _It's been a long time since I last came here,_  he thought.

He took a deep breath and started walking up the granite steps that jutted from the mountain's side and led to the prison's outer gate. Specks of snow were flying in the air, awoken by the wind. There were often heavy blizzards here, he knew, but the spells that had raised Nurmengard kept the ice and the worst of the cold out and so his footing remained steady and secure.

When he came to the gate, he looked up and there it was, etched in letters of dark bronze above the fortress' entrance.  _For the greater good._  Albus stood there for a few moments, gazing at those words, the words that were haunting him for so many decades.  _Was it a folly? And if it was, who was the fool, me or him?_

His blue eyes lowered down and focused on the prison's gates. Their hinges creaked and the doors slowly opened. Albus entered, non-perturbed by the gloom inside and the fact that there was no person on the other end of the door. Nurmengard had long been fully automated, maintained by half-sentient spells. No wizard would willingly dwell here, after all. At least not for long or their magic was going to wither and eventually flicker out, the result of the curses that had soaked the very mortar and stones of Nurmengard. This place was built by magic… but at the cost of its denizens, draining their power to fuel its own. Albus himself wasn't sure if that was a kinder or crueler punishment than  _he_  deserved.

He started up the long climb that was going to take him to the last cell on the tallest tower, his mind never ceasing to wander.

He thought of great many things, but of late death was often something he found himself musing on. He thought of those who had died in the war, feeling the touch of guilt – and that was an emotion Albus was quite familiar with – yet knowing that all of them had given their lives for something important, something almost sacred.  _The greater good_ , he thought.  _Always the greater good._  All those good people were gone, leaving the world a lesser place… but also a safer one. Britain was recovering and in time, or so Albus hoped, the wounds would heal fully.

He had refused when the Wizengamot had asked him to become the next Minister of Magic after Barty had resigned. He felt a stab of pity for the former Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. In such a short time he had lost his son, then he had been ensnared by Tom's servants. They said that when Augustus Rookwood was arrested in the halls of the Ministry in front of the Wizarding World's eyes and Barty was freed from the Imperius, three Aurors had to hold him down so he would not kill the Death Eater with his bare hands.  _It is not for me to rule, no. To help, whenever I'm needed, yes, but not to rule. Never to rule._ Ever since Ariana died, all those years ago, he was never again tempted to lord over the Wizarding World. He knew he  _could_ , he could take over whenever he wished. In dire times they would clamour and trample over each other in their haste to hand him the responsibility for their fates… but Albus had learned his lesson. The hard way, when he saw his little sister's lifeless body, all those innumerable years ago.

But it was not only the death of friends and loved ones he reminisced on.  _Tom…_  What did he mean with his last words? Was it the rambling of a madman, defiant to the end? Or was it something more? Was Albus finally succumbing to paranoia and old age, seeing shadows within the shadows?  _Death is not going to be the end of him, he claimed._  What if he was right? What if... there was something more, another path opening after this one had ended? Did that mean that one day he was going to meet Ariana and finally face the truth? Was he going to face Minerva, his staunch friend and supporter, whom he failed to protect from Tom's raging madness in the final battle? Or Sirius, the young man he unwittingly sent to his death when he was still viewing the war as something that could be won by moving enough pawns in the correct manner?

Albus shook his head. The dead could wait. One day he was going to face them and assume responsibility.  _Provided that there is a life beyond this one, and not just an empty, black void._  No, what concerned him were the living. Tom's words were echoing inside his mind ever since that night at Hogwarts when the war was won. If there was even a hint of a possibility… then it was his duty to prevent that terrible nightmare from repeating itself.

But for that, he needed help.

And not just any man's help. Albus realized that to another person it may have sounded arrogant… but there weren't really a lot of people like him, people who could be his equals instead of awe-struck children.  _Only one, in fact. There was ever only one._

Some scars never healed, it seemed. His heart felt heavy, and not because of the steep climb.

Finally he reached his destination. He looked at the black door for what seemed a long time, then he pushed it open and entered.

The cell was dark, having only a single, narrow window that resembled an arrow slit out of which the cold winter light was illuminating a small patch of the stony floor and the wall on the other end. There were no furniture to speak of, only a cot and a small table with a single chair.

And then, of course, it was him, sitting calmly in his cot, cross-legged and staring at Albus with lime-green eyes that still shone bright like bespelled jewels.

 _Time has not been kind to him,_  Albus realized, his eyes skimming over his scrawny body, the lines on his face and the brittle strands of bone-white hair that fell across his cheeks. Or maybe it wasn't time but the effects that Nurmengard had on those that were doomed to linger within the prison until they expired.  _He is the only inmate,_ Albus reminded himself,  _a man locked in a cursed castle on the top of a frozen mountain._ It almost sounded like a fairy tale. Funny how fairy tales never mentioned things like tortured muggles or maimed wizards.  _Or dead little sisters who may have perished at their big brothers' hands._

The two were very still, looking at each other for what seemed like hours.

Then he spoke.

"Hello, Albus," Gellert Grindelwald said. "What brings you here?"


	33. Another message from Rinso

_**Message from Rinso:** _

 

_Hey, guys!_

_So, "Always" is done. I don't know about you, but to me it was quite a ride. A year (plus?) long hiatus (and the resulting embarrassment) aside, I had an absurdly fun time writing this story. It wasn't the first fanfiction I ever started, but it was the first big fanfiction that I started, finished and – most importantly – published. I leave the judgement on whether the story is crap or not to you guys, but regardless I am proud that I finished it. There is no way for any of you to know this, but finishing a story has always been enormously hard for me. Inspiration burns bright but it's almost always fleeting for me. So, risking to sound like an utter ass, kudos to me for finishing "Always"!_

_Back when I decided to "revive" it and write again, I sat down and took a look at the notes I had scribbled down when I initially started writing. I was surprised to find that I've managed to keep and develop most of my original ideas without sidetracking too much._

_You may be surprised about some of the things I changed along the way – the story was always going to have the basic plot structure it has now, but I apparently planned to take it longer and slower, up until the very end of 1981. I think it works better as it is, because it makes more sense for events to develop fast in such a situation._

_Also, in case any of you are wondering, no, most of the character deaths weren't planned in advance; Sirius was supposed to die in the Battle for Hogwarts, and, if my notes can be trusted, Lucius was not supposed to die at all :) McGonagall's death was a surprise even to me, because I was struggling to decide which of the more "major" good guys to kill during the Battle for Hogwarts, since some of them, like Lily, Severus, Narcissa and Dumbledore, were off-limits (I'll explain why below) and others I simply didn't want to murder no matter what (poor Lupin can't catch a break!). I asked my sister for advice and she suggested McGonagall. I shrugged and went with it._

_The whole process of conceiving this AU idea and following through the domino-effect was very entertaining for me as a writer and I hope it was for you as readers._

_I am very happy with "Always"… though it's not perfect. I initially intended to develop a romance between Severus and Lily, as is proper, but as the story progressed I felt like it would be out of place, especially considering that the whole thing doesn't even last two weeks in-universe. I barely scratched the surface there, at the very end, and think that those two have more miles to go. It's still something I'd like to explore, though._

_I'm also not completely satisfied with my characters; I think, and by that I'm not trying to compliment myself, that I've done a decent job with their characterization but the character development is not stellar. I should work more on giving them specific arcs that change and evolve their personalities, cause, as it is now, they're rather static – Severus, for example, is not vastly different than he was at the beginning, and this is something I could (and should) have done better. And characters like Lupin and McGonagall probably deserved more time in the spotlight (especially in retrospect, as I decided to kill Minerva far too late into the writing process to actually give her a meaty role beforehand). Again, something I'd like to explore further._

_And that leads me to the most important part of this message – I want to make a sequel. Actually, the whole point of the Epilogue with Dumbledore's POV was to hint at that._

_I have a lot of ideas for that sequel, some of them formed more solidly than others, but it's still at the planning stage. I will take a short break and then I will need a bit of time to figure out the basics like plot, story arcs and so on, and then to start writing… I can't promise when it will go online (especially considering my track record with update speed…) but I do intend to do it sooner or later._

_So if anyone is interested in this HP AU that I have created (I jokingly refer to it as the Rinsoverse in my head… yes, I'm lame, I know…), yeah, I am interested too and I want to make more of it. So expect to see more of Severus, Lily, Narcissa, Dumbledore, young Harry and Draco, and some other characters that we didn't get to meet in person in "Always". Eventually._

_I am thankful for everyone who ever read "Always". Sharing my work with the world is mildly terrifying… but it's also rewarding. Thanks for being here, guys, and for reading! I hope you had as good time reading as I had writing._

_Cheers!_


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